Monday, August 15, 2005

Jacking Off at the Multiplex

For the first time in a long time I jacked off in a movie theater on Sunday afternoon. Jacking off in movie theaters for me goes way back to when I was horny teenager in the 1950's. Even in those pre-porno days, I would sometimes find a secluded spot in the balcony of the old Uptown Theater in Napa and jack off while watching Marilyn Monroe, Kim Novak and Jayne Mansfield (among many others) up there on the big screen. A little cleavage from any star or starlet was enough to make me whip my dick out and jack it off assuming of course that there wasn't anybody around me. Thank God I never got caught by anyone, especially that sourpuss manager of the Uptown!

Much later, in the glory days of adult theaters (1970-85) I spent many happy hours whacking off in porno theaters. I wasn't alone either. Jacking off in adult theaters was a national sport back in those days. It wasn't Coke that made the floors so sticky if you know what I mean and I think you do. I'll have to write about that wonderful era some time. Those adult theaters are almost entirely gone now, made obsolete by video of course. Now you can just beat your meat at home as you get your porno fix. No more worries about being seen or caught my the cops while enjoying your "hobby" in a public place. Those very few adult theaters that do remain are sweat and cum smelling dumps that show low quality video shit. I'm not sure I could even get it up in any of them!

Yesterday I went to a local multiplex to see a movie called "9 Songs". I had heard that it was pretty hot and indeed it was. It was also a boring peace of shit except for the sex scenes! A British dude and his American girl friend meet at a rock concert, go home and fuck and between more concert footage they fuck some more. The loud, screaming rock music sucks big time (at least to this old fart!) but the sex scenes are hardcore and fairly well done. You see hard ons, penetration (fucking with condoms), pussy eating and a blow job scene which ends with a cum shot (the gal finishes the BJ with her hand.) The babe is small breasted but very attractive and has a butt on her to die for. As soon as I saw her nude for the first time I got a throbbing hard on. I was in the rear row, the theater was fairly dark and there were only about twenty people in the audience and none of them close to me so I thought "What the hell?" I decided I would whip it out and jack it off right then and there!

I pulled out my dick and began to rub it every time the on screen fucking or sucking started. The only trouble was when that goddamn rock music came on, I lost my fucking boner! The movie is fairly short (69 minutes!) and by the time the gal was sucking the dude off towards the end of the film I could feel I was getting close to cumming. I shot my wad just as he did his (with the on screen ejaculation), just like I did in the old days at the Pussycat Theater. The cum went flying in all directions. A few drops landed on my jeans. Wow! What a fucking rush! A lone woman was sitting two rows in front of me which gave the whole experience an extra thrill! I still had some napkins I got with my buttered popcorn to clean up the mess. There was also still a little more to the movie with one more fuck scene to come so I had time to let my erection go down and get my cock back into my pants before the movie ended and the lights came up. Perfect timing! I walked out with just a slight bulge in my pants and just a couple of little wet spots on my jeans. Just like old times at the Pussycat!

That's the second hardcore sequence I've seen in mainstream movies in the last year. Most of the time in American films you just get the tease...tits and ass and silly jokes but no actual sex. It's okay to show people being savagely butchered and disemboweled but you can't show them sucking cock or eating pussy or fucking! What a crock of shit! The other recent movie with a hardcore sequence was Vincent Gallo's "Brown Bunny" (still frame above) which showed an actual blow job (no cum shot though) at the end. That Gallo dude ain't too dumb...he writes a movie for himself to direct and star in with a scene of a lovely young gal (she's a babe and has been in other movies, can't remember her name though) sucking him off. The movie is however even more boring than "9 Songs"! A long road trip with nothing happening until that blow job at the very end. Bummer! Still nice to see some REAL sex in movies. Maybe someday Hollywood will grow up and show us some of that lovely and nasty stuff when it is warranted! Meanwhile let the carnage continue on the screen!

By the way "Brown Bunny" was actually shown at the Cannes film festival and when noted film critic Roger Ebert reviewed it he proclaimed it the biggest pile of crap of all time and stated that he would rather watch himself have a colonoscopy than see it again LOL. Gallo was there and had a shit fit and jumped all over fat boy Roger (verbally, not physically.) Later Gallo severely edited it (but thankfully left the BJ scene intact) and Roger gave it "Thumbs Up!" Yours truly the Horny Old Guy gives "9 Songs" "Dicks Up!" for at least having the "balls" to show real fucking at sucking and give me the inspiration to whip out my weenie and jack it off at the movies just like I did in the good old days at the adult theaters. Watch those floors folks and remember if there is porno involved it's probably not Coke that makes them so sticky! Thanks for reading folks! See you at the movies!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Chloë Sevigny it's her name