Monday, October 24, 2005
There was a story in USA Today last week about how the majority of teenagers think that oral sex is just "hella cool" or something like that in their strange vernacular. The majority of them are reportedly sucking cock and eating pussy by age 15 with some of them starting as young as 12 or 13. Furthermore many of them don't even consider oral to be sex. Yeah I know Bill Clinton used that defense too! The right wingers are trying to blame all this teenage cock sucking and pussy eating on old Bubba but somehow I doubt these kids are thinking of Bill and Monica as the shorts and panties are coming off. Oral sex is just a common practice among teens (and all of us!) nowadays. The kids have access to all kinds of porn where oral is a primary ingredient and it's a commonly mentioned subject in movies, TV and music (especially rap) lyrics. Of course it also feels so damn good! Hey if the kids are not getting pregnant and not catching STDs as much as they would with fucking, I am all for it! I'm just envious of the little bastards, that's all!
Growing up in the 50's and 60's, blow jobs were just not that easy to come by...or maybe I should say cum by. I think there was the feeling that nice girls and ladies just didn't suck on weenies. That was something that only sluts and whores did, thought our young girlfriends and wives and they weren't too far from wrong way back then. I lucked out and had my first blow job from an older woman in my early teens and then had a girlfriend who gave me some head, although she only performed one complete cum-in-mouth blow job in our year and a half relationship. That act was at a drive in movie and after I shot a heavy load into Vicki's mouth and she almost barfed (thank God for that empty popcorn box) she said that was enough of THAT shit for the rest of her life! I got a little bit of head in foreplay after that but no full blow jobs from Vicki! I'd have to wait until I went into the Army and started frequenting whores to experience that supreme sexual pleasure again! Now teenage boys just take those juicy blow jobs for granted! Damn! Damn! Damn!
Having access to Asian and Mexican whores in the Army gave me plenty of blow job opportunities but returning to civilian life in my early 20's brought me back to the reality of the lack of cocksucking in the dating scene. I went to bed with several women who wouldn't go down on me at all even though I spent considerable time muff diving on them. My first wife rarely sucked on my joystick and never let me cum in her mouth. Gradually things changed and by the time I was in my early thirties, giving head was at least a part of foreplay with most of the women I dated. Quite a few still had an aversion to a mouthful of cum...and I can sort of understand that...and yet for of us guys that part feels sooooooooo fucking good, the best part of a blow job for sure! As close to heaven as I'll ever come here on earth I think! My sincere thanks to the women in my life who have given me the ultimate thrill of a full cum in mouth blow job!
If I currently had a teenage son or daughter, I would much prefer that they being doing oral than fucking. Of course I would hope they would use some discretion. I wouldn't want my daughter to be sucking off every dude in her class you know! Let all the right wingers, prudes and religious fanatics be outraged but I think the kids have the right idea. My only complaint is that I was born fifty fucking years too soon. All that head from those teenage cuties sounds mighty fine to me! Oh Hell yeah it does!
Oh well...never going to turn back the clock,,,as always my fantasies of getting sucked off and my jacking off will get me through the night! As always thanks for reading this crap folks! See you next time!
Sunday, October 23, 2005
You know you don't have much of a sex life when you find yourself alone on a Saturday night jacking off while looking at Nancy Grace on cable TV and fantasizing that she is sucking you off! Nothing more needs to be said! I bet Nancy could give one hell of a blow job though! At my age I have to take my cheap thrills where I find them folks! Pathetic, ain't it?
I readily admit that I jack off quite often to the news babes on network and local TV! With a few notable exceptions such as Candy Crowley on CNN, most of them are quite lovely young women. I suspect I have lots of company too, from teenage boys to old farts like myself, all of us wishing we were playing "Hide the Salami" with the news babes as we beat our meat in front of the TV screen. Sometimes just the sight of a sexy young babe with all of her clothes on is more inspiration for masturbation than full frontal nudity or porn!
Getting back to the somewhat goofy but still sexy Nancy Grace. Sweet Nancy and that sexy mouth will be in my jack off fantasies for the rest of the month. In fact I think that I will start a new feature where I will name a new "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" at the beginning of the month and jack off to that lucky babe every Saturday night in that month. Again this shows you just how desperate my sex life is at the present! Oh well it could be worse I suppose! I mean I could be jacking off to Judge Judy!
UPDATE: Who would have known when I wrote the above post that some years later Nancy Grace would be not only on the "Dancing on the Stars" TV program and have a slight case of "nip slip" on that show, displaying just a bit of king sized areola! Ah these are the things that make watching dumb TV bearable! Well of course I jacked off when I saw that titty!
Friday, October 21, 2005
Continuing my story about my first girlfriend and first real love Vicki. After that afternoon when Vicki and I took a shower together and I went down on her for the first time, Vicki lost all of her shyness about being completely nude with me. She was eager for a repeat muff diving performance in fact! No problems at all in getting all of her clothes off or my fingers or my tongue into that sweet young virgin pussy from then on! Every time her parents were away we would get naked and get nasty. She drew the line at fucking though! She was determined to remain a virgin for a while, maybe until she got married she said. I had to do pretty much with hand jobs which at least were more pleasurable than just jacking myself off. Vicki was not crazy about putting my dick in her mouth either. Unlike today, back in the 1950's, blow jobs were not that easy to get from your girlfriends or even your wives. Most young women seemed to think that blow jobs were something that only whores and sluts performed. They weren't too far wrong in those days either! Nice girls just didn't suck on cocks, at least that's what all the nice girls thought, much to the chagrin of their boyfriends and husbands.
A few months later on a Saturday night at the Kay Von Drive In Movie in Napa, I talked Vicki into giving me a little head during the second feature. I shouldn't have done it but I didn't tell Vicki when I was about to cum. Yeah I know...I'm an asshole but her warm mouth on my throbbing pick just felt too fucking good! That old saying "A stiff dick has no conscience!" is very true you know! SPLURT!!! I shot a big load of cum into Vicki's mouth.
All I can say is it's a good thing we had that popcorn box handy because Vicki almost barfed. She was not a happy camper...or happy sucker!In those days I spurted cum like a stud horse and Vicki's warm mouth had really primed my pump! Vicki spit the cum into the box and cussed me out with words I'd never heard her use before. She made me take her home right in the middle of the movie and wouldn't even talk to me for a couple of weeks. I told her it was an accident and I didn't realize that I was that close to squirting but she didn't buy it. She said that if I ever did that again, she would break up with me and I think she meant it.
Damn that blow job sure felt good though...nothing in the world feels as good as a full cum-in-mouth blow job! That was my first full BJ since my older woman paper route customer Barbara had introduced me to the wonderful world of getting sucked off several years earlier. It would also be quite a while until I had another one of those lovely blow job things and never again would I get completely sucked off by Vicki. She eventually started giving me a little head again after I threatened to stop licking her pussy if she wouldn't suck my weenie at least a little bit. No more cumming in a girl's mouth until my Army days though. Damn the bad luck! Cumming in a girl's mouth was then and still is definitely the best part of a blow job!
My dad called me aside one night and gave me a little sex talk. He didn't ask me if I was fucking Vicki but told me he would rather I not do it but if I did I should use a condom. He then gave me a 3 pack of Trojan rubbers and told me to carry one in my wallet just in case. He told me if I needed more, just let him know but don't tell mom because she wouldn't understand. I was embarrassed as hell but looking back, dad was pretty cool. I doubt most boys of my era heard such common sense. In fact I wonder if they hear it today!
The school year went by quickly and Vicki and I went to the Junior Prom together at the end of the year. Her parents were gone to Lake Tahoe the following weekend so we had some extra time for making out. Of course I couldn't stay all night but late that Saturday night I fucked Vicki for the first time. It was actually her idea. I'd been spending an extra amount of time with my face buried between her legs and she seemed unusually turned on. She knew I had the condom in my wallet and suddenly told me to put it on. I asked her if she was sure and she said yes so of course I did just that. With a little bit of trouble I got my stiff dick into Vicki's virgin pussy. I can't truthfully say that it was the greatest fuck of my life and I'm pretty sure it was the most uncomfortable fuck of Vicki's life. We could have used some extra lube and even if we had that her hymen was just hard to penetrate. It didn't help that it was my first time in the cherry popping business.
I was surprised that a couple of weeks later Vicki decided that she wanted to try fucking again. Of course I was ready, able and willing. This time it went a lot better. She was wetter (probably just because she was less nervous) and my cock slipped right in. She actually seemed to enjoy it and of course I did too. She was much tighter than the older Barbara and it really felt good fucking her. Fucking became a regular part of our love making. We only got the chance to be alone in her house about once a week but almost never at my house because my sister was usually home even if my parents were out. We tried it a couple of times in the back seat of my dad's Buick but that wasn't very comfortable for either of us. I fucked her once on a blanket up at Lake Berryessa during the summer. At all other times it was in her parents house and usually in their bed. Thank God we never got caught! I found out where my dad hid his condoms so I just took one each time I needed to replace the one in my wallet. I didn't even need to ask him. I'm sure he noticed they were missing but he never said a word. Like I said earlier, dad was pretty cool! I'm happy to say we used condoms every single time we fucked!
Vicki an I were an inseparable pair during those first months. Neither of us dated anyone else. We talked of getting married and having kids. I was one of the few guys in school that I was aware of that was getting regularly laid with some bonus head and hand jobs on the side. We started our senior year and everything seemed just lovely! Alas my happy world was about to unravel though. I was about to learn the hard lesson in life that unlike in the movies true love doesn't necessarily last forever.
To this day I'm really not sure what happened but VIcki and I slowly started growing apart that senior year. She was in none of my classes and I hardly ever had the chance to see her at school. She started spending more time with her newly found girl friends and more time at after school activities. She made more excuses for not going out with me too...homework, not feeling well, etc. Invitations to come over to her house when her parents were gone became less frequent. And yet when we did get together she was eager to have sex...and I definitely needed that sexual release! I wondered if she was seeing someone on the side although I had no evidence whatsoever that was the case. I got mad at her a few times because she wasn't spending enough time with me and that didn't help things. We had a couple of yelling fights during Christmas break because even with no school and the holidays she seemed always busy with other things and other people.
Finally in April of our senior year the bombshell hit! Vicki said she wanted to break up with me. I asked her why and she said we were just not having any much fun anymore and she didn't like it that I wasn't going to college after high school like she was. Later I found out that another guy (one of the school's major jocks!) had asked her to the Senior Prom and she accepted. I was truly devastated of course! I begged her to go with me but she said she made up her mind and it was over between us. Those last couple months of school were among the most miserable of my young life. Barbara moving away was nothing compared to the time that Vicki dumped me! Of course I now realize that we all get dumped and do some dumping of our own from time to time and it's just a part of life. Try explaining that to a 17
year old dude enraptured with his first real girl friend though! It sucks!!!
I didn't even go to the Senior Prom at all. I asked another girl who turned me down which made me feel even more miserable. You don't know how glad I was to graduate from high school in June of 1958. Vicki and I didn't even speak at the graduation ceremony. There was still one more afternoon fuck with Vicki in my future but that didn't come for another year and a half. I'll get to that later on. For all practical purposes, our relationship was over.
I was a junior at Napa High School in the fall of 1956. I noticed Vicki right away, sitting across the classroom from me in my Spanish class. She was a rather tall girl, blond, blue eyed and very pretty. She was a junior like me and this was her first year at Napa High. She seemed very shy and never talked in class unless the teacher called on her. The more I looked at her the more I was attracted to her and the more I wanted to fuck her! I guess it was sort of love...or lust at first sight. I soon was thinking about her most of the time and of course fantasizing about her as I jacked off every night. Spanish was the only class I had with her and aside from seeing her in the hallways once in a while between classes, I got few sights of her lovely face...but when I did, it made my day! However I was still very shy myself and couldn't get myself to approach her and ask her out.
One Sunday morning I noticed Vicki walking right by our house. I got on my bike and followed a couple of blocks behind her and found she was on her way to a church in downtown Napa. Every Sunday morning after that I would watch for her coming by our house. Finally one Sunday morning I walked downtown myself and as she came out of the church I got the courage to walk up and start talking to her as she headed home. She was pretty quiet at first but soon opened up as we talked about Spanish class and other school stuff. To my delight she soon became friendly and in fact allowed me to walk her all the way home. I didn't have a car nor a driver's license yet so my options for dating were limited but I asked her if she wanted to go see "Peyton Place" which was coming to the Uptown Theater the next week. She said she didn't think her mother would let her see that movie but maybe we could go see something else. I said okay and asked her for her phone number which she gave me. Walking her home gave me a chance to see where she lived which wasn't that far from our house. I felt really happy that afternoon walking back to my own house. I'm pretty sure that the first thing I did when I got home was to go in my room and jack off while I fantasized about fucking Vicki!
I went to see "Peyton Place" by myself. You have to understand that "Peyton Place" was THE hot book for my generation. There were things in that book that had never appeared in any book we had read. Teenage sex, adult sex, oral sex, incest...it was just plain nasty! Lots of boys, myself included, almost wore our dicks out jacking off as we read the nasty parts of cum stained copies passed on to us over and over. The movie was also pretty hot, although the standards of the time and the Motion Picture Code would not let it come anywhere close to the novel. Nudity and even softcore sex were still totally taboo. Still there was that part about Lucas raping his step daughter and some other adulterous and teenage sex implied and talked about. There were lots of boners in the balcony of the Uptown that night. I only wished Vicki was there to see the movie with me.
I started calling Vicki on the phone almost every night and we became more and more friendly. I still remember our first date at the Uptown Theater on a Sunday afternoon. I don't remember the movie but I remember putting my arm around her and getting a hard on that lasted through most of the double feature. I kissed her for the first time that Sunday afternoon too after I had walked her home. It soon became a regular thing on Sunday afternoons...she would walk to my house and we would walk downtown together for a movie at the Uptown and then I would walk her home. Nothing more than hand holding in the movie and a kiss somewhere near her house (she didn't want to do it right at her doorstep). I would go home and jack off, fantasizing what was under that dress, bra and panties and about going much further with her, hopefully fucking her of course!
I took Driver's Ed in school and soon afterwards had my first drivers license, even though I didn't have a car. My dad would let me drive once in a while though, at first with him at my side and finally he got me insurance and I was able to drive by myself. What a great sense of freedom that was! Also great because there were more options for me and Vicki to make out. We could drive around town and park in secluded spots and best of all we could go to the Kay Von Drive In Theater instead of the indoor Uptown Theater. I had to meet her parents before they allowed that though. Her mom and dad were very nice and seemed to like me which helped. My mom and dad liked Vicki too when they met her. I loved those Friday nights at the Kay Von! Movies under the stars with the privacy to make out with Vicki! I got my first feel of her warm, firm titties there!
The hand jobs became a regular thing to end our make out sessions, whether parked in a secluded spot or at the Kay Von or at her house when her parents were gone. She was soon regularly letting me take her top off at her house and feel and suck her lovely young titties but it took a couple of months before she let me get her panties off and get a look and feel of her pussy. Every time I would put my hand down in that area she would slap it and tell me to stop.
I'm getting a hard on just thinking about that wonderful afternoon...time to give myself a hand job. I will continue writing about Vicki next time!
Monday, October 10, 2005
This picture has been all over the web lately. It looks like teacher has a boner! Well who can blame him with the way the girls dress nowadays? Those two cuties at right are enough to give any teacher (or any non teacher!) a boner! Of course it could be it's the dude on the left that's giving him the woody...but that's a whole different story, eh? Teachers are only human though. I can just see it if yours truly the Horny Old Guy was a teacher in a modern classroom! Those sweet young things in their tight jeans and bare midriffs would definitely be having a boner inducing effect on even my ancient but still functioning dong!
Actually if you click on this teacher's picture and look close at that "boner" it looks like someone has been playing a joke on this guy with Photoshop or another image editing program. Either that or his pecker is located in an unusual place on his body! I saw another picture of Arnold Schwarznegger holding up a girl and it looked like Big Arnie had sprung a woody too but looking close, it also proved to be a phony pic, not that it wouldn't be typical behavior of our horny "Governator" to do such a thing! Like I said before...boners just happen dude...and at my age I enjoy each and every one of them, even the embarrassing ones!
Sometimes the old pecker truly has a mind of it's own! All of us guys have gotten boners when we didn't want them. I've lost track of all of my unwanted boners! One of my more recent automatic boners was at age 62! It was at my last company physical before I retired. I had the first female doctor I've ever had in my life and she was cute and smelled good. I've always had fantasies about things like this and when she told me to drop my shorts so she could feel my nuts for a hernia (or whatever!), I had about 3/4 of a full fledged boner. It popped right out in her face when I pulled down my shorts. She was cool about it though and said didn't comment at all. As hot as she looked I'm sure it wasn't the first male patient woody she'd encountered. I was embarrassed as hell though, speechless with a face as red as a beet. I told a buddy at work about it and soon it was on the bulletin board that Mikey got a boner in front of the lady doc.
Another of my most embarrassing boners came at a nude beach near Santa Cruz several years ago. I was laying on my beach towel talking to a nice woman my age that I had just met there and her stark naked teenage daughter joined us. If you would have seen that daughter...WOW!...well she was enough to make any male of any age spring a big fat boner! I tried to think of everything non sexual in the world but "Junior" was soon standing at attention if you know what I mean and I think you do! It was definitely the wrong place and the wrong time for a boner though! Mama was NOT amused and both her and the daughter babe got up and moved. Oh well...boners just happen lady! What more can I say?
More than at any other time in your life unwanted boners can really be a problem when you are a horny teenager. You just have to fantasize for an instant about Mary Alice Jensen's sweet young body sitting across from you in your History class and (BOING!) you've got the mother of all stiffies. That's just about the time the old teacher Mrs. Culbertson would call you up in front of the classroom to give your oral report on Andrew Jackson. "What are you people giggling about?" asked the teacher as the red faced student named Mike with the bulge in his pants attempted to think about ANYTHING but Mary Alice Jensen's anatomy and give his report. Nothing like being truly embarrassed to make you lose your woody quickly though. You'll of course be needled about this incident for the rest of your high school days and beyond.
"Boners just happen...dude!" Hmmm...looks like not much has changed since I was a horny young lad! Those bikinis and thongs must cause a lot of unwanted young wood!
Our local outdoor public swimming pool was another place where "Junior" used to spring to attention without warning at the wrong time and in the wrong place. I mean all those girls in their swimming suits! WOW! Talk about like being a kid in a candy store...and yeah I wanted to EAT all of that candy! Thank God I was in the water most of the time. On several occasions the old pecker was sticking out from my trunks like a flagpole while I was out of the water though. I mean some woodies just won't go away until you at least give them some exercise. A quick jack off session in the toilet stall in the locker room was the only way I could get rid of some of those humongous hard ons caused by looking at and fantasizing about those swimming pool sweeties.
The only problem was making my way from the pool area to the locker room without people staring and giggling about the big bulge in my trunks. I eventually started jacking off before I went in the pool. That helped somewhat but not entirely. As a teenager it of course takes very little time to "re-charge your batteries". Just one look at some particularly attractive cleavage even after you'd just jacked off and it was "BOING!" all over again! That's just the way it is amigo!
I know for a fact I wasn't alone in springing a woody in the high school or any other shower room though. I'm not saying that they are common but they do happen from time to time. In most cases they have nothing to do with your sexual identity either! The old pecker sometimes has a mind of it's own! You don't even have to think about pussy to make it stand at attention! Boners just happen dude!
Oh by the way I still regularly spring boners in the shower as the above picture demonstrates. Of course when you are alone there is nothing unwanted or embarrassing about them and in my case the boners usually lead to a nice shower wanking session. No use wasting a boner just because you're in the shower!!
There is a great website called AWKWARD BONERS devoted to those unwanted and embarrassing erections all of us guys experience from time to time. Above is one of the hundreds of candid photos they have collected. All I can say is I hope those two girls straddling the dude aren't members of his immediate family! You know what I am saying' homie?
Yup folks unwanted boners just happen, especially when you are a young whippersnapper but as you can see they still pop up occasionally when you are an old fart like me. Oh well I guess I'll start worrying when I DON'T get boners and fortunately there is even Viagra for that eventuality. Thank you Jesus for that wonderful invention! Enough about boners and everything else for today! As always thanks for reading this horseshit! See you next time!