Saturday, May 13, 2006

Jesus Christ I Don't Believe This!

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Religious fanatics are sending "Every Soldier's Battle" kits to our troops in Iraq encouraging them to refrain from infidelity, pornography, masturbation and even looking at another female soldier, all in the name of Jesus. Now let me get this straight. You are putting your life on the line every day fighting at the very least a questionable war in the shithole called Iraq. You live in close quarters in an all male environment under extremely stressful conditions. Your wives and girlfriends are thousands of miles away and there aren't any whores around to give you the sexual release you so desperately need. And yet you aren't even supposed to jack off? Unless things have really changed since I was a young and horny GI, I don't think that this religious wacko nonsense is going to fly with too many of the troops!


You can make a legitimate case for refraining from adultery I suppose...but no pornography, no even LOOKING (in lust or otherwise!) at one of the very few women around you and especially no jacking off??? I DON"T THINK SO DUDE! One of the biggest problems in the service, especially under battlefield conditions, is lack of privacy but where there is a will there is a way! As someone who spent three years in the Army beginning nearly a half century ago I can tell you that even way back then it wasn't that hard to find a place to relieve your built up sexual tension. Private toilet stalls on and off your duty post were your friends! Basic training and combat conditions can be challenging for jack off opportunities but otherwise you can usually find a time and place to rub one out when you when the much more desirable female companionship is not available!

Even in Iraq you can bet that there is a considerable amount of fucking going on between the more fortunate male and female troops, a lot more checking out the porn on the web and almost universal discreet masturbation by both men and women wherever the limited privacy can be found. Nothing at all wrong with any of that, regardless of what the goddamn bible thumpers think! Sometimes I truly get disgusted with religious bullshit, be it from the homicidal Muslim fanatics, the repressive living in the 17th century Catholics or the bible thumping Jerry Falwell/Pat Robertson variety Evangelicals. Here's hoping and PRAYING that our troops are ignoring all this anti-sex nonsense and enjoying National Masturbation Month along with the rest of us. Here's even more hoping and praying that they all will be safely home soon! God bless us all!

4 comments:

pornstudent said...

There was a scientific study done that showed the more frequently men ejaculate the less likely they are to develop prostate cancer. A jerkoff a day may keep the doctor away.

I went looking for the study, but couldn't find it. I found this article, though. It talks about the health benefits of sex.

Boss Stewie said...

dude that's poor!!!

suddenly i feel like its to bring the soldiers back from iraq.. no not because of politics but because it's only a matter of time before all of them turn gay

Anonymous said...

Don't lump all Christians into one group, based on the rants of a few fringe kooks.

I am a Christian (that is, I have accepted Christ as my personal saviour) and I need to masturbate a lot. A saying I hear a lot is "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven", and that is how I have to deal with day to day life.

There is nothing in the Bible that prohibits masturbation, that I can see. I know He understands and forgives, if I fail Him in any way.

Religious kooks like those you mention really need to find better things to do, and not lay guilt trips on our fighting men and women as they serve in harm's way.

Horny Old Guy said...

Well said Mr. Anonymous! I really didn't intend to lump all Christians (or Muslims) into one group. Sorry if I gave that impression. My contempt remains for the fantatics though!