Monday, June 12, 2006

Oh Hell! A Hand Job Would Do!





Okay if I can't have a blow job, the next best thing to getting fucked or sucked off right now would be a hand job! My sister Karen actually gave me my hand  job a long, long time ago. It was just a little rather innocent sexual experimentation in a motel room we shared together on a family vacation trip to Santa Cruz when we were in our early teens. I don't consider it actual incest. We just went one step further than "You show me yours, I'll show you mine!" We got caught by our parents the morning after the second night of mutual masturbation and needless to say mom and dad were not amused! The shit hit the fan big time! No more hand jobs (or anything else!) from Karen ever! She was scared straight even if I wasn't! I was really surprised how different it felt when somebody else jacked you off though. So much better than just doing it myself! I've been just crazy about those sweet hand jobs ever since!





I'm really not sure why hand jobs feel so much better than jacking off by yourself. The warm, soft female hand certainly has something to do with it and I guess just having someone else totally in control adds to the thrill. All I know is having is having a female hand jack me off is a total rush for me and I suspect it is for most other guys too. Massage parlors do lots of business in providing hand jobs for an extra fee you know! From what I understand it's the most common sexual act performed in those establishments.



Over the years I've encouraged my wives and girlfriends to jack me off when they were not in the mood for fucking or oral sex and sometimes just as a change of pace from those other wonderful activities. No worries about unwanted pregnancies or STDs if you are in a very casual relationship or a one night stand either. Definitely the safest sex with a partner you can have! We should be encouraging young people to engage in mutual masturbation in lieu of the more risky stuff but you can see what happened when Dr. Joycelyn Elders, the Clinton appointed Surgeon General (and one of my idols), even mentioned the "m" word in public. The right winger wackos and religious fanatic nut cases went bonkers and she was on the way out the door. What a fucked up society we have...and shame on Bubba Clinton, a bigger horndog than even me if that's possible, for asking Dr. Elders to resign. If she refused, he let it be known that she would have been fired. Meanwhile the blow jobs from Monica Lewinsky in the oval office presumably continued, not that I really blame old Bubba for that! Who among us guys could resist Monica on her knees with her mouth wrapped around our dong? Kicking the good doctor out for telling the truth was still a disgraceful act though and in my humble opinion a bigger black mark on Clinton's presidency than all of those blow jobs from Monica put together!



As I recall, the last hand job I had was in the fall of 2003. Holy Shit! Almost three fucking years ago! A sweet red haired nurse named Lily who I met on the bus to Lake Tahoe jacked me off in a mutually agreed night of safe sex in my hotel room at the lake. It felt as great as it always did and I am way overdue for another of those wonderful hand jobs (among other things!) I've actually thought about going to a massage parlor or breaking my promise to myself to avoid the whores to satisfy my lustful yearning for a hand job. Those thingies are definitely the only sex act that I would have performed on me by a whore nowadays but I think I would be pretty safe there, even without a condom. As much as I love to jack off, I have to admit that I am just getting sort of tired of doing it myself! I've got a date for Saturday night (postponed from a couple of weeks ago) and with any luck I'll come away with at least some kind of sexual relief. A nice juicy fuck or a blow job would be preferred but if not a hand job would feel mighty fine!

2 comments:

Michelle said...

My son asked me last week what "masturbation" was. I nominate you to come explain it to him... :)

Horny Old Guy said...

Even though I am somewhat of an expert on the subject of masturbation due to all of my experience, I would probably an incompetent explainer to the younger generation. "What does that old fart know about sex?" they would think! As an enlightened mom I'm sure you did quite well at explaining it to him. Now back in my day nobody explained it to us...but we still all had that "jacking off" stuff figured out by puberty (and that's without porno, cable TV and the internet!). Thanks for stopping by Michelle (nice blog you got!)