Thursday, June 22, 2006

OOPS! Wrong Time, Wrong Place For Jacking Off!

Another blogger wrote a post saying that sometimes we choose an inappropriate time and place for jacking off...and we get caught! I have to agree with him. There is a right place and a wrong place to beat your meat, a time to whip it out and a time to keep it zipped! Probably the worst time and place I ever chose to beat my meat was in a laundromat. (What are you laughing at?) This goes way back to my late twenties or maybe early thirties. I remember the incident as vividly as if it was yesterday though. I was doing my laundry early one morning and the only other customer in this laundromat was a lovely young blond haired babe in a T shirt and tight jean shorts. She was quite an eyeful and I was soon discretely ogling her and fantasizing about the nasty things I'd like to do to her. When I spotted a rather prominent "camel toe" in the crotch of those tight shorts I felt an immediate rising in my pants. As a refined young gentleman ("Yeah right!" you say!) I made no attempt to put the make on her and went about my business of washing my clothes, but discretely glancing in her direction whenever I had the chance.

This hot babe took her stuff out of the dryer right before my own laundry was done washing. I took one more look at that lovely young butt as she walked out of the door and a couple of minutes later started to throw my own stuff in her still warm dryer. There I spotted a pair of pink panties that she had left behind. By then she had left the parking lot so there was no way to give them back to her. I took the panties out, took a whiff and thinking of where those panties had been, felt the strong urge to masturbate right then and there. I was now the only one in the store and I had lots of time while my clothes were drying. I couldn't see any reason not to jack off. All I can tell you is it seemed like a good idea at the time!

I went over behind the rear row of washers and whipped out my throbbing dick. I wrapped the soft pink panties around it and started to jack off. It's always sort of a rush jerking off in a place you're not supposed to and where you could possibly get caught doing it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those crazy exhibitionists who waves his weenie in front of unsuspecting women and children. I've never done that, never would do that and frankly have no use for those perv bastards. Jacking off to me is basically a very private and personal act. At the very least it should never be done in front of anyone who doesn't want to see it. Sometimes though, like on a secluded beach or in the woods, we think we are alone and get caught with our pants down. That can happen when we are engaged in any sex act or just in the nude. The possibility of being seen or caught in the act just sometimes adds to the thrill even if you have no intention or desire for that to actually happen. Here in this laundromat, that definitely was the case! I definitely did NOT want anyone to walk in that front door until I got through "taking care of business".

I was jerking away fast and furious and getting close to cumming. Suddenly the store room door opened behind me. I swung around to see a middle aged Chinese woman coming out. I think I almost had a fucking heart attack! I hadn't heard voices or even noises from that direction. My attention of course had been focused on the front window and entry door. Getting caught from behind while whacking off was the furthest thing from my mind.

I'm not sure whether this woman was the owner or just the caretaker but she took one look at what I was doing and started screaming "GET OUT OF HERE! I CALL POLICE! I CALL POLICE!" I was totally speechless and embarrassed beyond belief. I threw the panties down and tried to stuff my still stiff and throbbing hard on back into my jeans, not an easy proposition as any guy will tell you. Boners are just damn hard to cram into jeans! She stood there staring at me and screaming "I CALL POLICE! I CALL POLICE!"

There was now an elderly Chinese woman (probably her mother) standing behind her looking on curiously and yelling at me in Chinese. I finally got my dick into my pants and went over to the dryer and yanked out all my still wet clothes. "YOU ASSHOLE! I CALL POLICE! YOU ASSHOLE!" the younger woman screamed as I went running out of the store. "FUNG CHOW LONG DONG!"(whatever!) shouted the old lady. It was like a scene out of a bad movie! The only other similar thing that comes to mind was a few years later, in my bar hopping, one night stand days, when I got caught by an angry hubby while I had my dick buried deep in his wife's pussy. I think I wrote about that somewhere in this blog too. I don't blame that dude for being pissed and I don't blame these women in the laundromat either. Frankly if I found somebody jerking off in my laundromat, my reaction would be the same and I just might deck him.

Fortunately my car was not in the parking lot where she could see my license plate number but out on the street. I was relieved when she didn't follow me to my car. I was also relieved when the cops didn't show up at my place in the next couple of days. I don't know if she called the cops or not but this was just too fucking close for comfort. Needless to say I never went back to that laundromat! I also learned a lesson that day for sure. There is definitely a wrong time and a wrong place to beat your meat! All I can tell you is that it seemed like a good idea at the time..and yeah I know...I should be ashamed of myself!

P.S. Well at least I'm not as bad as the dude in the above picture! He's definitely got more "balls" than I do! I'm way too much of a gentleman (really I am) to jack off a in a public place! Okay when I think I'm alone in a laundromat or at an XXX rated movie at the Pussycat Theatre excepted! And this dude is jerking off in Walmart of all places! I mean isn't that sacrilegious? I'm shocked!


anu said...

It is early morning here Mike, and you've me leaking milk

Horny Old Guy said...

Ah what a lovely thought that is Anu! Wish I was there to drink some of that milk! It's early morning here now and you've just given me a hard on! I think I'm going to be leaking some of my own "milk" soon!Thanks!

anu said...

Mike, you know? I'm feeling you're so clean and honest about your feelings, you're not "dirty old man", you are "lovely hot old man" ;)at least to me

Horny Old Guy said...

Thanks for those kind words Sweet Anu! I'm honest alright but sometimes I have to relate some true stories that I'm not so proud of! Of course that's the beauty of a can let it all hang out (in my case in more ways than one!). It often even feels good to get certain things of your chest! Thanks again sweetie!

PastaLaVista said...

Horny old guy, I think you really underestimate yourself. (or do you?, smile......) Do you know how much your worth? You're retired and got a stable income. The young, dumb and full of cum know where the money is at. Yes they do. (You better realize it). Forget Fucking Jacking off. You're hanging out at the wrong joints. I know you like to have fun but spend it on a wet pussy. Cold hard cash speaks volumes. Yes that's right. The majority of the present generation of men does not have what it takes. It's the Me, Me, Me, generation. The WE alternative offers an attraction to most women. I think you know where I'm coming from. I'm not saying you have to offer marriage to every woman who comes along. Just pleasure. Ahhh that's just my 2 cents worth anyway. Take it for what it's worth. I hope you can make a little sense of my ramblings. Take it for what it's worth.

Horny Old Guy said...

Thanks for that advice pastalavista! I understand what you're saying! But forget jacking off??? Let's not get too carried away dude! LOL I guy has got to have some hobbies you know! Thanks again!

anu said...

LOL @ hobbies

Kissssss Mike

Richard Lovel said...

>>I couldn't see any reason not to jack off. It seemed like good idea at the time!

It is a well known medical fact that the male body has enough blood to operate the brain or the penis, but not at the same time.

Rachel said...

hmm.. jacking off in a laundromat. And Mike, you didn't see that as being a bad idea.. how?

Rachek (one of your avid fans. Hahahaha)

Horny Old Guy said...

Aroused by the sexy babe who left her panties in the dryer, nobody else in the laundromat, way in the back of the store where nobody could see me, watching for anyone coming in (when I would have immediately put my thingy away) I said Rachel it seemed to be a good the time!

Thanks for being an avid fan...I need all I can get! Hahahahaha