Friday, June 30, 2006

You Can't Be Too Careful Nowadays!

Proving once again that you can find absolutely ANYTHING on eBay, here's a new product for those wankers who don't want to take any chances and wish to practice safe sex even while jacking off. Yes it's the "Do It Yourself Safe and Sanitary Masturbation Kit" consisting of a rubber glove, condom, towelette and target to test your "shooting" ability at the "climax" of your solitary safe sex experience. Hey it's approved by the American Masturbation Association! You can't do much better than that my friends although an endorsement from me on the package would probably have also helped! I'm also pleased to see that it's even made right here in the good old USA, probably about the last product that we can say that about...and yeah I do know it's a gag gift folks!

I won't be needing that kit this weekend although I'm so primed up that I'm sure I could hit the bulls eye on that target with no problem if I jacked off right now. God knows I'm already rated "expert" at that wonderful activity called wanking! Marcella is coming over tonight so presumably it will be Nookie Night #2 with my new Filipina sweetie. She's staying overnight so hopefully I'll get a chance to go back for seconds and maybe even get my first blow job from her sweet mouth. I didn't get any head at all from her even in foreplay last week and I do love oral so much...both giving and getting it! I hope sucking on weenies is not against Marcella's religion!

Marcella is indeed Catholic (sigh) even though she apparently doesn't have any objections to condoms which we wisely used on our first night of fucking. Hopefully she takes the same liberal approach to sucking cock! Oh my God I'm looking forward to having that lovely act performed on me again! I haven't jacked off since Monday and have sprung many a boner anticipating our next sexual encounter. It's almost like being a teenager again! I went over to Marcella's apartment Wednesday night for dinner but her roommate was there so there was no chance to do the nasty. Her roommate Patty, another Filipina and about 10 years younger than Marcella, is a real babe too! I wouldn't mind slipping the big salami to her! Wonder if she's interested in a threesome? Marcella if you are reading this, I am just kidding darlin'! Put that knife away baby!

After writing and then reading that last paragraph I realize that there is just no way I can tell Marcella about this fucking blog. I definitely feel a bit guilty about relating the juicy details of our sex life in a blog without telling her...but there just is no way I can tell her. It's surely bothered me writing about my past wives and lovers, even some hanky panky with  my sister Karen, and I definitely worry that some of them might stumble on this blog and be rightfully outraged. Still it would be hard to be truly candid if I knew Marcella was reading this and I'm sure she would be offended by what I've written so far, and that's with only one sexual escapade taken place.

So I must keep my nasty blog a secret from Marcella, even though I have a very difficult time keeping secrets from anyone. The chances are extremely slim that she will ever stumble on this blog by accident although I'm going to have to be careful in signing out of Blogger every time I finish posting and clearing my history too. Actually what I need to do is just protect myself and my computer with a password and have her use a different account if she wants to use my computer. That's even a better idea! Caution is definitely in order though. If Marcella ever discovers yours truly, the infamous "Horny Old Guy" on line, me thinks this relationship will be immediately over and Horny Old Guy will be back to Saturday night jacking off, not that that would be anything new or unusual for me! I've been there many, many times before! Pussy is my first choice on Saturday night or any other night though! Mum's the word about this fucking blog!

Well that's enough rambling for this morning. It's time to shave and shower, clean the place up, get out the condoms and Viagra (not that I need a little blue pill tonight!), spray some WD-40 on my ancient but still functioning pecker and get ready for some fucking and (I hope) weiner sucking on Marcella's part! Wish me luck and y'all have a wonderful 4th of July weekend! Remember to practice safe sex even when you are alone!


MrManicDepressive said...

Have a fun weekend!

Rachel said...

sucks that you can't tell her about the blog, although, being almost a woman I can see how she might get a little pissed. Ah well, I believe men are allowed to have their fantasies. We can't go about pretending that we don't all jack off in our spare time if we want to keep peace and realism in the world.

Horny Old Guy said...

Many thanks Mr. m-d! You and your wife do the same!

There is a part of me that really wants to tell her about this blog Rachel...and yet I can understand why she might indeed be pissed if I I can't! Mens' minds do work differently from womens' minds and there is lots of truth in that old saying "A stiff dick has no conscience!". Bill Clinton will agree I am sure! I don't think there is too much wrong as long as we keep it in the fantasy stage. As I've mentioned before, I have been very faithful while in any serious relationship, including my two marriages. One woman has been more than enough for me and I felt fortunate that I had that. Jacking off in my spare time? Yup I've defintiely been guilty there but as you say, we shouldn't pretend otherwise. Thanks for your words of wisdom!