Monday, July 31, 2006

I Survived the Knife!

The good news is the vasectomy on Friday was no big deal. The bad news is no jacking off or fucking for a week. Well that sucks! I was in and out of the doc's office in less than an hour. The little operation itself only took about 10 minutes and except for that quick anesthetic shot in the nutsack was completely painless. Even in my state of terror I still found myself having nasty fantasies about the doctor's cute nurse who was assisting. No chance of springing a boner under those conditions though. My weenie had shrunk down to about as small as it ever gets...I think it was scared too and was trying to hide!

A bit of discomfort over the weekend but again no big deal. Pain pills pretty much took care of that. No showers for 48 hours (which was up yesterday) and tonight I can resume hot baths which should feel pretty good. It feels fine "down there" now but the doctor told me no sexual activity until at least Friday which will be one week after the operation. He suggested that I just masturbate at first to see how it feels but stop and wait a few more days if there is any discomfort. If the discomfort continues, get back to him. Otherwise I don't see him for four weeks when I go in to jack off in a bottle so he can do the first semen check to see if all the sperm thingies are gone. Hey that jacking off in a bottle sounds like fun anyway...wonder if his sexy nurse will assist me there (I wish!!!).

Marcella volunteered to come over on the weekend but since I wasn't able to take showers and wasn't feeling all that great I told her it was best I spend the weekend by myself. Besides she always makes me horny when she comes over and I know I would have sprung a big fat boner and wanted to jump her bones immediately. We're going to meet Wednesday night for dinner and hopefully by the weekend I'll be ready for a humungus fuck-a-thon with her. Of course condoms will be necessary until I get the "all clear" sign from the doc.

I awoke with some "morning wood" this morning and really felt like jacking it off but I resisted the temptation and just let "Junior" shrink down without giving him some exercise. The boners really don't hurt, feel as good as they usually do so I guess everything is working normally down there. Thank God it didn't make me impotent...not that I expected it to, but that is a universal worry with us guys! I'll be a good boy and do just what the doc says. The end result, condom free bareback fucking with no worries of pregnancy, will be well worth it!

Now I will shut the fuck up about that vasectomy except to say that I am sure glad that I didn't opt for that $199.95 laser vasectomy I saw advertised on late night TV. It apparently can have some "slight" complications as the cartoon below illustrates:

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Careful With That Knife Doc!

Well I talked about it before and now I'm going in on Friday to get a vasectomy. Marcella telling me that she could never have an abortion because of her religion last weekend was my final incentive to make the big move although I was heading in that direction anyway. Marcella is Catholic (ugh!) but at least she is in favor of birth control and in fact had already started to take birth control pills herself. Now she can forget those things. We've also been using condoms every time we fucked so there is no pregnancy to worry about yet. I don't want to take any chances way I am about to be a daddy again at my age...and I do want to get back to bareback fucking just like in the good old days so the time has come to go get that vasectomy done! Am I nervous and apprehensive about it? Oh Heell yes! I mean it's the first time I've had anything cut "down there" since I was circumcised and I don't suppose I was thrilled about that either!

The vasectomy is something that I should have done over 30 years ago but you know how us men are about even going to the doctor, let alone let the doc take his scalpel to our private parts! It's not only the worry about physical pain, there is something psychological about it too. You won't be ejaculating any more sperm and for some reason that seems to affect your manhood, at least your perception of it. Yeah I's all silly and I don't worry about things like that let's go get it over with! I took the first appointment that my urologist had open. Let the snipping begin! Just be careful with that knife doc (please!)

I've read all the handouts that the doctor gave me and researched the subject on the web a bit. Basically it looks like I go in, the nurse gets me ready (oh oh!), then the doc gives me a shot of anesthetic in the nut sack (OUCH!) and then makes a couple of small incisions there. The doctor I'm going to uses a "no scalpel" procedure which is supposedly much less invasive than the old scalpel way. He cuts the tube that carries the sperm and sews me back up. I have Marcella drive me home and then expect to have some discomfort, even pain for a few days. Not even a shower for a couple of days, no tub baths for about a week. No big deal so far!

The really bad news is no fucking or jacking off for at least 72 hours, maybe up to a week (Damn!) Lots of fucking and jacking off once the pain is gone (Yeah!) because many ejaculations are necessary to make sure that the sperm in the ejaculate is gone. I also have to go back to the doc's office several times and jack off in a bottle to confirm that I'm shooting only "blanks". Finally (in about a month I believe) the doc gives me the "all clear" sign for condom-less bareback fucking! That will definitely be a day for celebration! I can hardly wait!

Marcella is coming over tonight for a fuck-a-thon since there definitely will be no fucking this weekend. Hopefully another sweet blow job from her warm mouth in the morning before she drives me to the doc's office. This is one time I don't think I have to worry about springing a boner in the doctor's office, even if he has the hottest nurse on the planet. By noon tomorrow it will be all over, aside from the recovery of course. Unless the operation kills me, I'll be back in a few days with more incoherent babbling. Have a nice weekend y'all and for your own sake, DON'T think of me!

Monday, July 24, 2006

More Monday Morning Mental Masturbation

It was another HOT weekend here in Stockton town! It's always hot in the summer here but we've been setting some records lately. I guess that's been the story in much of the country...this is just one hot fucking summer! Wonder if it has anything to do with global warming? For Marcella and myself it was another weekend of staying home, staying cool (thanks to that now wonderfully working air conditioner) and staying naked! Not quite as much sex as last weekend but pretty damn close. Unlike last weekend Marcella did get up to go to church on Sunday morning but she was sweet enough to treat me to a Sunday morning cum-in-mouth blow job before she got up. What a gal! I've said it before and I'll say it again...a full cum-in-mouth blow job is as close to heaven as I'll ever come here on earth...or most likely anywhere else! Thanks Marcy honey!

It's our one month anniversary today. June 24 was our first date and our first fuck. It's been a good month! I'm still not sure how long this thing is going to last. Different races, big age difference (she's 38, I'm almost 66!), not that much in common. I'm enough of a realist to know that it probably won't last forever. So far, so good though! The regular sex with a partner sure beats only jacking off for sexual relief. Of course I haven't stopped the wonderful sport of wanking altogether. Aside from our coffee shop meets in the morning, Marcella and I don't see each other much during the week so once or twice about mid week I usually take off all my clothes, lay down on my bed, whip the old dick out and jack it off. Marcella of course is now in many of my jack off fantasies and I have to admit that Patty, Marcy's younger Filipina roommate is in those fantasies too. Ah a threesome with those two would be sweet! Fat chance of that actually happening but it makes a great jack off fantasy!
I don't think I've ever stopped jacking off completely while in any relationship and I don't see any reason to stop now. Masturbation is just a different feeling than fucking, you can fantasize to your heart's content, it's free and it's fun! What's not to like about that? I hope Marcella is having some mid week masturbation too although that's a subject we haven't discussed yet.

Here is a picture I found on that gave me the inspiration to whip it out last week. This babe was apparently part of a nude bike ride in Vancouver. Lovely, lovely, lovely! Ever see more perfect tithes? More proof that in most cases the average woman on the street is more beautiful and more sexy than all those siliconed babes in porn or hot movie stars. Talk about looking good enough to eat, which among other things is just what I would love to do to her! Oh what I'd give for just one suck on that splendid painted titty! Yummy Just looking at this pic again has given me another hard on. I better finish this post and take care of business if you know what I mean and I think you do!

Some joker e mailed me this picture and asked "Is this you Mike?" LOL Well I'll admit that there is a slight resemblance but no I am actually NOT a weenie waver! Oh I've let it hang out right here from time to time to illustrate a point but that's different. This is a blog clearly labeled for adults only. I have no intention of offending anybody and I have even less intention of going to jail. I've never really understood those weenie wavers. Yeah I know I told THAT story about me and a buddy as teenagers waving our weenies at a few cars on a highway overpass above us but that was just a stupid juvenile prank which came to an abrupt end when we spotted a Highway Patrol cruiser up there. I've been caught a few other times over the years jacking off, like in the laundromat I recently mentioned or in the great outdoors or in hotel and motel rooms, but those times were pretty much accidents. No way I would expose myself in public to someone who doesn't want to see my ancient dong or even my former young dong. That just ain't me and like I said I really have never understood those with that compulsion. If they do get arrested, they have little sympathy at all from me!

Speaking of those wackos who do insist on waving their weenies in public, above is another photo I came across while searching for nude pics on flickr. This is apparently from the recent Gay Parade down there in Sin City (San Francisco) and it shows this nut case gay dude right in the middle of a crowd in the heart of downtown San Francisco not only stark naked but jacking off. The funny part is that hardly anybody seems to be giving him a second glance. That must have really pissed him off! I guess this fits in the "Only in San Francisco" category! I don't think this dude would have gotten away with that here in Stockton and I don't think he should have anywhere. There is a time and a place for everything...and this just ain't the place for jacking off dude, Gay Parade or no Gay Parade! Public nudity is one thing and I think even acceptable on such an occasion but not actual public sex in my humble and ancient opinion. I mean families and tourists do have a right to be downtown without seeing an explicit exhibition like this. This weenie waving asshole should have been thrown in the can but I don't suppose the left wing pandering to gay lifestyle political climate in San Francisco would allow that!

Have a wonderful week y'all! Stay cool and don't do anything I wouldn't do...and believe me that gives you LOTS of latitude! Just do it in private, okay? No waving your weenie or any other private parts down by the schoolyard or anywhere else, okay? Now let me get back to the pic of that lovely young lady on the bike...and the sound of the zipper on the fly of the Horny Old Guy's jeans is heard in the background...see 'ya!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Anyone Remember "Tijuana Bibles"?

(Click on any of the above images to take a better look!)

In a bookstore yesterday I was browsing a book devoted to "Tijuana Bibles" and it reminded me that those things were the first real pornography I ever saw in my life. If you're not familiar with them, "Tijuana Bibles" were nasty little 8 page comic books, very crudely drawn in black and white and only about 2 by 4 inches in size. They were published roughly from the 1930's to the 1950's. Some say they came from Mexico, thus the "Tijuana" part of their name. Actually I believe many were also drawn and published in the United States.

During this time period pornography was strictly illegal in the USA so Tijuana Bibles had to be sold under the counter. The characters in them were movie stars popular at the time (Mae West, Joan Crawford, W.C. Fields etc.), other real life celebrities like Babe Ruth and President Franklin D. Roosevelt and especially comic strip characters (Betty Boop, Blondie and Dagwood, Dick Tracy, Popeye, even Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse!) All of these characters were shown engaged in every sort of sex act imaginable. I imagine millions of boys and men during this era jacked off to these nasty little comic booklets, about the only pornography available unless you had access to stag films which were also totally illegal.

I never saw any of the Tijuana Bibles until I was in high school in the mid 1950's. The kid sitting next to me in my 10th grade Chemistry class (I think his name was Leland) brought a couple of them to school and was looking at them, concealed in his text book. Holy Shit! Instant fucking boner! To this day I remember my dick was throbbing in my jeans and I thought for sure I was going to shoot my wad without even touching it right then and there! Needless to say I didn't pay much attention to what the teacher was saying in class that day.
The comic Leland was looking at had Dagwood fucking and getting sucked off by Blondie and their son Alexander fucking his sister Cookie! Nasty, nasty, nasty! He had another comic book where both Popeye and Wimpy were fucking Olive Oyl. I gave this dude 50 cents in exchange for letting me take the Blondie one home with me and keep it for a couple of days. I showed it to all of my friends and almost wore out my dick jacking off to it!
After returning the now cum stained Blondie comic to Leland I don't believe I ever saw another Tijuana Bible until porn became legal in the early 1970's and reprints were sold in the newly established underground comic book shops. By then they had lost much of their appeal. Pornographic magazines, 8mm. porn movies and professionally drawn full sized XXX rated comic books in color were now available and provided much better inspiration for jacking off than those ancient black and white Tijuana Bibles. Those were nothing more than interesting nostalgia by then and I suppose that's what they remain today. Back in my dad's day and even in my own teen years they were hot stuff though and I suppose for many of us horny young devils an introduction to pornography that we will never forget!

Monday, July 17, 2006

Monday Morning Mental Masturbation

Pussy whipped again! Marcella stayed with me all weekend. She didn't even get up for church on Sunday. We spent most of the weekend in bed fucking. It was hotter than hell here in Stockton again, no surprise at this time of year. Thank God I got my air conditioner fixed! A good weekend to stay home, stay cool and stay naked which is just what we did.

The sex is just getting better and better with Marcella. On our first couple of times in bed she seemed reluctant to go down on me but I received full cum in mouth blow jobs #2 and #3 over the weekend. Thank you Jesus...or I should say thank you Marcella! It just took my mentioning how much I loved to have my weenie sucked to prompt her to give me much more regular oral attention in foreplay as well as full blow jobs. Of course I am more than happy to reciprocate with as much of my professional muff diving as she desires...and she desires a lot! I love to eat pussy almost as much as I love to have my cock sucked! So nice to be getting plenty of both oral activities again!

Things just couldn't be much better in our relationship so far, sexually speaking and otherwise! We talked more about birth control over the weekend. Marcella has already started on the birth control pill but I still think I'm going to get a vasectomy so she won't need to bother with the pill. I can't see any reason not to. Like I said earlier it's something I should have done a long, long time ago! If there is one thing in the world I'm sure of, it's that I don't want to become a daddy again at my age! I'm going to see my doctor about getting snipped this week. Hopefully it will be a quick procedure that won't keep me out of action for very long. I'm going to do some online research on the subject later on today.

Jesus Fucking Christ! What the fuck is going on in our world? The Middle East is exploding in war, the situation in Iraq is continuing to deteriorate (big surprise there huh?), a couple of absolute nut cases are in charge in North Korea and Iran...and yeah sometimes we wonder about our own not too bright cowboy in the White House too! Why don't these foreigners and old Dubya too just knock off all this bullshit and go home and jack off? Yeah I know, their religion won't let them!

Speaking of religion I received a couple of very angry e mails from people who were offended by my digs at religion, the Catholic Church in particular. Fuck 'em! When the Vatican puts out the word that condoms are still prohibited by the Church even if one partner (we're talking about a married couple here) is HIV positive, I have nothing but contempt for that religion. Clean up your own house your crazy bastards! Worry about all those child molesting priests, primarily a result of your forbidding them to express their sexuality in a normal, healthy way. Forget what the rest of us people are doing in the privacy of our bedrooms! Yeah it goes way back to when I found out as a horny teenager that the Pope didn't approve of me playing with my weenie. Fifty years later you people still piss me off!

I suppose I shouldn't really write about religion at all. I fully realize that it pisses lots of people off. I truly do realize that everyone has the absolute right to believe what they want to, in religion or politics or anything else. Of course all of us, myself included, also have the right to disagree and say they are full of shit. Sex is much more fun to think about and write about though and I think I better concentrate on that subject from now on. Let me go back to my "Horny Old Guy" mode, think about Marcella and the fucking and sucking we did over the weekend and maybe even fantasize about her sexy roommate Patty. If that latter thought doesn't make my hard on come back again, nothing will! Have a nice, sexy and peaceful week y'all...and God bless us all!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

God Says Don't Masturbate!

Searching for blogs mentioning one of my favorite activities, jacking off, I came across THIS ONE one by a nice woman named Petula Wright. Ms. Wright tries to explain why the Bible forbids us to play with our privates. She is certainly entitled to her religious beliefs but I'm sorry but I just don't buy this nonsense! Masturbation is adultery if you fantasize about someone besides your husband or wife when you masturbate? Yeah right! If you're not married and plan to remain single all of your life it's still a sin to jack or jill off? You must remain celibate for life? You've got to be kidding! These fucking people are truly living in the dark ages!

When I was I was in my early teen years, my best friend tried to get me to join the Catholic Church. When I found out that I couldn't play with my weenie, my favorite sport even back then, any more I told my buddy "I don't think so dude!" (or something like that!). Needless to say I've been jacking off ever since and it's one of the things that made me the great man that I am today! What are you people laughing at now? LOL

As I said in my comment on Ms. Wright's blog I truly believe that the Catholic Church wouldn't be in the moral and financial ruin it is today if they would just have allowed their priests to at least jack off, better yet fuck inside or outside of marriage! Tens of thousands of priests have now been exposed as child molesters, I think mostly as a result of the Church's outrageously outdated doctrine regarding sex. Forcing people to deny their God given sexual urges is a bad, bad idea! Same goes for the nuns not that molestation has been much of a problem there. Nuns still deserve to have the option to enjoy the pleasures of masturbation or even play "Hide the Salami" with the priests or anybody else if they choose. They definitely would be less sexually frustrated!

It's not only the Catholics of course. I understand Islam forbids masturbation too which may explain some of worldwide mayhem we've experienced in recent years. Don't play with your dick and you go fucking nuts! The virgins will be waiting after you've blown yourself and half the world to bits! Uh huh! Evangelical Christians also frown on masturbation. I was forced to attend one of their churches for a short time as a lad and in Sunday school I learned that it was a sin to do almost everything I liked including looking at pictures of babes in swimming suits in magazines and seeing movies starring Marilyn Monroe. They didn't come right out and tell us not to play with our weenies but the message was still pretty clear...don't let yourself get aroused or you-know-what might happen! It's about then that I walked away from religion forever.

Again people are entitled to believe anything they want to and to practice any religion they choose to. I am also entitled to feel that they are full of shit and say just that! I think religion for the most part has been and still is a force for good in the world and yet some religions' ideas regarding sex are nothing less than total nonsense. In my humble and ancient opinion masturbation is normal, healthy and fun, one of the joys in life for both men and women. If God (or whoever!) doesn't approve or if I go to Hell for playing with my weenie (which I really doubt!) well so be it!

I'll put my basic moral character up against the extremist bible thumpers any day but there is no fucking way that I'm going to stop jacking off! Thanks to Ms. Wright for publishing my negative comment and her thoughtful response...but I still don't buy it! God bless us all, including us masturbators!

Monday, July 10, 2006

In Praise Of Camel Toe!

Well Marcella was having her period this weekend and like many women during that time of month was not in the greatest of moods. In particular she wasn't in the mood for fucking! The 100+ degree temperatures here in Stockton and a problem with my air conditioning system didn't help. She didn't even want to stay over night and that meant no nookie for Mikey. While cuddling on the couch yesterday afternoon I tried to talk her into at least a hand job, hinting that a blow job would be even be sweeter, but she was just not in the mood for even giving me a helping hand (sigh). Oh well she has been very accommodating so far so I'm not complaining.

On the positive side Marcella said she's going to go on the birth control pill (she gets them free at the clinic where she works) so it's obvious that she wants our relationship and the fucking to continue. I really should get a vasectomy instead. In retrospect I should have gotten one thirty years ago when I married Julia my second wife and we decided neither of us wanted children. I've always hated those damn condoms but in recent years they have become a necessity, as much for the prevention of AIDS and other STDs as preventing pregnancies. Anyway it will be nice to soon be able to fuck Marcella bareback. She also had an AIDS test at work last week and as expected after several years abstinence and clean living it was negative. I'm clean too so it's green lights ahead for good old nasty unprotected safe sex fucking! Yummy! I can't wait!

When Marcella's lovely roommate Patty came over with Marcella for my 4th of July cookout last week she was wearing tight shorts and I couldn't help notice the not prominent but quite visible camel toe outline in her crotch. Instant hard on! Like most guys I just love camel toes! The first time I ever saw one way back when I was a horny teenager I almost shot my wad in my jeans right then and there! It was rather embarrassing because the camel toe was on my girlfriend Vicki's mother! There is just something so erotic about seeing the outline of that place we all love so much. I believe it was the great Robin Williams who once said of the vagina "It's the place we come out of as babies and then we spend the rest of our lives trying to get back in!" With the possible exception of my favorite quote "A stiff prick has no conscience!" Robin Williams' words are quite possibly as the truest words ever spoken!

The image of sexy Patty and her camel toe has been in my mind all week and last night I jacked off fantasizing about fucking her. Oh God the more I write here, the more I know I can NEVER tell Marcella about this blog! I searched for some camel toe pictures to illustrate this post and am sitting here with another stiff cock I got while viewing them. More jacking off ahead as soon as I post this! Yeah I know...I'm a dirty old man and I should be ashamed of myself...but I just love camel toes!