Thursday, July 13, 2006

God Says Don't Masturbate!

Searching for blogs mentioning one of my favorite activities, jacking off, I came across THIS ONE one by a nice woman named Petula Wright. Ms. Wright tries to explain why the Bible forbids us to play with our privates. She is certainly entitled to her religious beliefs but I'm sorry but I just don't buy this nonsense! Masturbation is adultery if you fantasize about someone besides your husband or wife when you masturbate? Yeah right! If you're not married and plan to remain single all of your life it's still a sin to jack or jill off? You must remain celibate for life? You've got to be kidding! These fucking people are truly living in the dark ages!

When I was I was in my early teen years, my best friend tried to get me to join the Catholic Church. When I found out that I couldn't play with my weenie, my favorite sport even back then, any more I told my buddy "I don't think so dude!" (or something like that!). Needless to say I've been jacking off ever since and it's one of the things that made me the great man that I am today! What are you people laughing at now? LOL

As I said in my comment on Ms. Wright's blog I truly believe that the Catholic Church wouldn't be in the moral and financial ruin it is today if they would just have allowed their priests to at least jack off, better yet fuck inside or outside of marriage! Tens of thousands of priests have now been exposed as child molesters, I think mostly as a result of the Church's outrageously outdated doctrine regarding sex. Forcing people to deny their God given sexual urges is a bad, bad idea! Same goes for the nuns not that molestation has been much of a problem there. Nuns still deserve to have the option to enjoy the pleasures of masturbation or even play "Hide the Salami" with the priests or anybody else if they choose. They definitely would be less sexually frustrated!

It's not only the Catholics of course. I understand Islam forbids masturbation too which may explain some of worldwide mayhem we've experienced in recent years. Don't play with your dick and you go fucking nuts! The virgins will be waiting after you've blown yourself and half the world to bits! Uh huh! Evangelical Christians also frown on masturbation. I was forced to attend one of their churches for a short time as a lad and in Sunday school I learned that it was a sin to do almost everything I liked including looking at pictures of babes in swimming suits in magazines and seeing movies starring Marilyn Monroe. They didn't come right out and tell us not to play with our weenies but the message was still pretty clear...don't let yourself get aroused or you-know-what might happen! It's about then that I walked away from religion forever.

Again people are entitled to believe anything they want to and to practice any religion they choose to. I am also entitled to feel that they are full of shit and say just that! I think religion for the most part has been and still is a force for good in the world and yet some religions' ideas regarding sex are nothing less than total nonsense. In my humble and ancient opinion masturbation is normal, healthy and fun, one of the joys in life for both men and women. If God (or whoever!) doesn't approve or if I go to Hell for playing with my weenie (which I really doubt!) well so be it!

I'll put my basic moral character up against the extremist bible thumpers any day but there is no fucking way that I'm going to stop jacking off! Thanks to Ms. Wright for publishing my negative comment and her thoughtful response...but I still don't buy it! God bless us all, including us masturbators!


Cynthia said...

She has two kids 12 and 14. I bet they are enjoying their bodies even if God or mama doesn't approve! Hi ya Mike I am still jealous of your new main squeeze hon:(


Horny Old Guy said...

I bet you are right about Petula's kids! Yeah I get to see my sweetie tonight and my dick is throbbing in anticipation! Thanks for the comment Cyn!

Linda said...

God has no problem with masturbation or other joyously consenting adult sexuality. God won't tell the priest what you've been, ahem, "up" to! Hee, hee! Sexuality is a quick, intensely pleasurable way of altering your consciousness and uniting with the Mind of God. It's also good for magick, healing, artistic inspiration, recreation, and bonding between lovers, as well as, of course, getting your rocks off and making babies! Thanks for your comment on my blog!

Linda said...

If God is watching you masturbate, then maybe She's enjoying the experience, and who knows, She could be wanking off, too! God just might not appreciate you staining his Porn Collection with your sexual body fluids after you return His Playboys. HA, HA!

Horny Old Guy said...

Thanks for your comments Linda. Of course I agree with your view of sexuality but would you please relay what God really thinks to those wild and crazy Catholics, Muslims and Evangelicals (among others!) I think they are just a bit unclear on the concept. Cheers!

Justine Rhett said...

~~LOL~~ It would be lovely to dismiss Ms Wright as a crank an an oddity, but there are unfortunately an awful lot of people out there who believe this kind of thing.

I was brought up in an evangelical, fundamentalist home and, whilst masturbation was never specifically mentioned, sex was always portrayed in a negative manner.

It took me a very long time to get over the guilt. The anger remains. I suspect that Cyn is correct about Ms Wright's children – I only hope that they don't feel lumbered with guilt as a result.