Thursday, September 07, 2006

Anybody Want to Learn How to STOP Masturbating?

Click on the above image to make text clearer (masturbation may have diminished your vision!)

I was looking forward to a trip over to the coast (about 100 miles from Stockton town) and a visit to some lovely nude beaches but it's been cool and overcast by the ocean for the last couple of days so I postponed it until we get our "Indian Summer" weather here in California. Maybe I can make it a on a weekend and convince Marcella and Patty to accompany me. That would be nice! Ah thoughts of a nude Patty are flowing through my dirty it too early to start jacking off?

Speaking of jacking off, do any of you nice people want to learn how to STOP that nasty, disgusting habit of masturbation? Don't look at me! I'd no more want to stop jacking off than I would to stop breathing! Somebody sent me a link to THIS SITE. At first I thought that it was a joke but it looks like these clowns are absolutely serious. They think that masturbation destroys your health, ruins marriages and relationships, makes you unproductive and poor because you are spending all your time and money on porn. Playing with your privates is something to be avoided at all costs they say. Uh huh! Have they been talking to the Pope or the Republican bible thumpers or are they just fucking nuts? They will let you download a book from the web (for only $47.00) that will lead you to a masturbation free life. No more playing with your weenie or wee-wee and your life will be wonderful from now on. "Yeah right!" says yours truly! One of the reasons life has been wonderful for me for the last 66 years is because I learned how to jack off at age 12 and have been doing it ever since!

Would you buy anything from this goofy looking character at left? Not me! He looks like some jacking off would do him some good! His name is Dada Vedaprainanda (can I just call him Dada...actually Dodo would be more appropriate), and he bills himself as "a great teacher of yoga, meditation and anti-masturbation". Dada and his associates are worried that the adult entertainment (porno) industry is trying to shut them and their website down. I sort of doubt it, they are probably too busy laughing themselves silly!

I suppose these crazy bastards will make a few bucks off of this crazy course though. A few Catholics, Evangelicals or Muslims may stumble on it and think it's just what they need to rid themselves of that sinful habit and insure themselves a place in heaven (or wherever) where the angels and/or the virgins will be waiting. I may even start a similar website of my own and promote the book I wrote on the subject of masturbation. Did I ever mention that book? I don't think it's available on Amazon but it certainly should be! I can't understand why Ophra hasn't chosen it for her book club yet! Oh well...maybe putting it on my website and changing $47 will help sales!

Reading this nonsense from these wackos has made me so depressed that I think I'll...oh you know...whip out the old dong and give it some exercise!! Have a nice weekend folks and remember those most sacred words that our friend Dada has taught us today, direct from his website, "Don't let your sexual organ control you". Uh huh! I think I still like "a stiff prick has no conscience" better and I'm pretty sure Bill Clinton would agree! Even more appropriate is what my great fellow horndog Woody Allen said to Diane Keaton in "Annie Hall", "Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!" Truer words were never spoken my friends! Bye bye for now!


Anonymous said...

What a whackjob, that nut is. You would think this Yoga fruitcake would know that beating the meat is a fantastic stress reliever. Actually sucking a hot guy is also a great pastime for Time to publish your book old guy. Get on Opra, and make Millions.

Jess said...

It's YOURS so why no do with it what you The world is full of colorful characters isn't it? As long as it's not hurting someone else, why not be happy?

Working It Out said...

hmmm... that link is definately just a way to make money.

But there ARE people who believe in Right Hand Sex Magik, ... esentially a belief system that pushes the "less is more" sort of sexual teaching. And there are others who believe that the life powers held in semen should not be released or you lose your inner power and umph.

anu said...

Yikes...maybe he needs to read one of my e-poems. What say Mike darling:)


Horny Old Guy said...

Thanks for the comments people! working it out I would agree that people are entitled to believe exactly what they want but I've been releasing "the live powers in semen" all my life and haven't lost my "inner power or umph"...yet! I've been told my "umph" is still pretty powerful in fact! Different strokes (and I do mean STROKES!) for different folks though! The guy definitely has the right to believe that masturbation is nasty. time wasting, expensive and evil...and I also have the right to believe he's fucking nuts! Who knows who is right?

Anu darling one of your sexy e poems would even get this holy man to start furiously masturbating!
Kissssssssssssssssssssss back!!!