Sunday, October 08, 2006

Is Anal Sex a Pain in the Butt?



Sunday night and all is well in Stockton town. Marcella just left after spending the whole weekend at my place. As usual it was great having her here. The sex was wonderful and of course most welcome since she was out of town all of last weekend. No nookie for two weeks is not a good thing for Mikey! Yeah of course I jacked off several times in the interim but once you get back into the groove of fucking, you just need your weekly ration of poontang, not to mention a sweet blow job or two on the side. Spending the weekend with just your right hand just ain't the same once you get back in the saddle again! Anyway I feel totally satisfied (pussy whipped in fact!) tonight, a mighty fine way to close out the weekend for this dirty old man!
Marcella and I had anal sex Saturday night for the first time (and I suspect the only time!) We'd already fucked in the old fashioned way and were drinking wine and talking in bed and the subject of butt fucking came up. Marcella admitted that at age 38 she'd never once been butt fucked and would like to try it sometime. Frankly I am not all that crazy about anal sex. The number of times I've done it in my life has been in the single digits, mostly with different women who like Marcella had never done it and wanted to try it once just to see what it was like. I just prefer the vagina to the anus for the grand sport of fucking, it's as simple as that. I know some guys love playing "hide the salami" up the pooper, some women like it too I suppose but it just ain't my thing. The last time I can remember doing it was with Gloria, one of my ex long time girlfriends and that must have been at least 15 years ago. I think Gloria was the only woman I've been with who wanted to do it more than once with me.


I told Marcella that we could try it sometime if she wanted to. We kept talking about sex while finishing our wine and a little while later Marcella (feeling the wine's effects!) decided we should give butt fucking a try right here and now (last night that is). I told her that I was too tired but she kept playing around with my dick. I'd popped a Viagra tablet before our first fuck so it didn't take that much stimulation on my pecker to get "Junior" standing at attention again. Before too long butt fucking didn't sound like such a bad idea to me after all. Marcella does have a very nice butt and sticking my weenie in it (at least once!) began to sound like a pretty good idea!


Marcella and I both got up and took a shower together. Then I got out the K-Y jelly and we went back to bed and got ready to play "Hide the salami up the Hershey Highway" We had lots of foreplay which you need before doing butt fucking, including lots of attention with my fingers and mouth to her anus. I used lots of lube and I was as gentle as possible but she found the initial penetration and the entire fucking experience pretty uncomfortable, if not painful. Frankly I think she rather would have been in a dentist's chair getting her teeth cleaned! It's been pretty much the same story with most of the women I've tried butt fucking with. Maybe I'm doing something wrong but I really don't know what.


Any of you butt fuckers got any expert advice on driving the salami up the old Hershey Highway? Maybe I've just been with women who like myself don't get that much pleasure out of it. Oh I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it at all. It was sort of a nice change of pace. The anus is definitely a different feeling than a vagina (tight!) and any kind of fucking feels mighty fine to me but I'd just rather have my cock buried in a vagina (or a warm mouth!) rather than an anus. Maybe that's one of the reasons I never turned queer! I offered to stop midway in our fucking but Marcella wanted me to keep going until I came which is what I soon did, and I'll admit that last part did feel mighty fine! When it was all over and we'd cleaned up Marcy told me "Well that's the last time I'm ever going to do that in my life!". I didn't tell her so her but that's just fine with me. I pretty much feel the same way myself!


Performing analingus is another thing that in real life doesn't do that much for me. I'd just much rather lick a pussy than an anus, thank you very much. Yeah I've done it in the past, did it as part of the foreplay with Marcella last night in fact but it just ain't my favorite sexual activity you understand. The funny part is that it's frequently a big part of my fantasy world. I mean when I see a young woman on the street with a cute young butt I almost always immediately fantasize spreading her cheeks and licking her butthole. Same thing when I see a cute female butt on the web.

For example just by looking at the lovely butt on the picture of  the sweet young babe below I can feel my cock throbbing right now. I'd give a month's retirement check just to spread those lovely, soft young buns and start licking that poop hole. Actually that's not the only part of her anatomy I'd love to lick! Talk about looking good enough to EAT! Yummy! Excuse me while I whip out the old dong and jack it off!




Speaking of assholes, did you see where the Ayatollah Khameini, Iran's most powerful political and religious figure, was asked on his website "If someone masturbates during the month of Ramadan but without any discharge, is his fasting invalidated?" The holy man's mind boggling response was "If he do not intend masturbation and discharging semen and nothing is discharged, his fasting is correct even though he has done a haram (forbidden) act. But if he intends masturbation or he knows that he usually discharges semen by this process and semen really comes out, it is a haram (forbidden) act intentionally breaking fasting". Let's see if I've got this shit straight. If it is an accidental (say what?) masturbation and you don't shoot your wad you don't invalidate your fast and those virgins will still be waiting for you. Jack off on purpose and you are totally fucked! And you thought the Catholics had some crazy ideas about sex? However slaughtering infidels apparently is not prohibited by Islam during Ramadan. Isn't this Ayatollah guy the same wacko who recently seriously suggested that the Pope be assassinated for an innocent remark taken totally out of context from a speech whose whole theme was religious tolerance? And these Iranian nut cases are developing nuclear weapons? HOLY SHIT!

Well I hope I haven't offended too many asshole lickers, butt fuckers, Muslims or Catholics this evening. That certainly wasn't my intention. It's "different strokes for different folks" you know and nobody knows more about stroking than yours truly. Have a nice week y'all! I shall return later in the week with more incoherent babbling. I still can't believe anybody is reading this crap...but thank you all!

8 comments:

Rap said...

I recall reading somewhere that if you think sex is a pain in the ass you are doing it wrong.

But what the heck. Some say tomato, some say tomatoh...

Al Sensu said...

anal sex: maybe you need asmaller dick!

fasting: it only breaks the fast if she swallows

Cynthia said...

Once was one time too many anal for me mike -me and you would make a good couple :)

Cyn

Mike Stewart said...

Yeah Rap you may have a point about me doing it wrong but my dick is already small enough al sensu. I think anal is just one of those many things that ain't for me. Sort of like going to the opera ya know!

Cynthia darlin' you are so right about us making a good couple. I knew that after you sent that picture! Got any more? Cheers!

Rap said...

Oh, sorry Mike. Didn't mean to imply that you were doing it wrong.

I just wanted to say that to each his own. What ever floats your boat, fits your mitt, blows up your skirt, etc.

Oh BTW is that a pic of Moe Howard?

Mike Stewart said...

I know what you meant Rap and fully agree with the "to each his own" philosophy. Hell, some of my best friends are buttfuckers! LOL Lots of them in Washington DC too!

Actually that top pic is Moe's brother Shemp Howard. When Curly died, he took his place in the Three Stooges shorts, did some flicks on his own too.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mike, well anal oh anal. When I had my first Bi experience 15 years ago(I'll be 46 Friday the 13th..oh oh. lol), I did fuck the first guy. Oh it felt so good and tight. I have fucked a couple of guys since, and it feels so good and tight, like fucking a virgin. But as for anal on me, I have a gay frined who loves licking me there. Oh god does that feel heavenly. I have had a cock placed near the tip but never ventured with a full cock in there. I do play with my 6" vib up there. Oh does that feel good when I cum. But someday maybe if I had time with a guy with a nice cock, not too big or thick, and I am relaxed and lubed up I think I would like to have cock there. It also must be safe and covered. But I think Mike it takes lots of lube, and one should start by having an enema. Have a great week, Bi for now Rob.

Anonymous said...

Al Sensu: fasting is broken by sex, not by swallowing. No sex is allowed during ramadan, and this includes oral sex as well as masturbation. The good part, showing that at least some muslims are wiser than christians, is that the fasting is to be respected only from sunup to sundown: so after it's dark sex is welcome, while some catholics say that during the 40 days that precede Easter no sex is to be allowed and that's all.