Monday, October 30, 2006

No More Condoms! Hallelujah!

I went to my urologist for my third and final semen check last Thursday to make sure that there are no more of those sperm thingies in my jism after my recent vasectomy. I won't get the official result until later this week but the doc says that as soon as I do (assuming it is negative as we both expect it to be!) the green light is on for bareback fucking! No more fucking condoms! Hallelujah! Marcella and I are both excited about this. Condoms aren't that big of a hassle and anyone who has casual sex nowadays without them is a fool but like most guys I just prefer to play "Hide the Salami" without them. You have to take a break during foreplay to put the damn things on and it's best to withdraw immediately after ejaculating. I prefer spontaneous penetration and after shooting my load leaving my hard penis in the vagina and letting it go limp naturally.  Besides it just feels better to fuck without them. Fucking with them is not quite as bad as taking a shower with a raincoat on as some have said...but it's still just more fun to fuck without them. Hopefully I am through with rubbers for good!

Reminiscing about about condoms...rubbers...the first time you see them as kids and find out what they are used for...finding used ones laying in the grass, in the street and even on the schoolyard...finding them hidden in your dad's drawer and trying one on, wondering why they are so big and your weenie is so small...your dad giving you one as a teenager and telling you to use it with your girlfriend if you need to and to ask for more if you need them...being issued them in the Army every time you went out to fuck the whores...feeling like a real man when you finally had a need to buy them at the drug store, but still feeling self conscious asking the female drug store clerk for them, which were hidden under the counter for adults only in those days...times when they weren't really necessary (the swinging 60's and 70's) and times when they are definitely necessary, at least for casual sex...NOW!
With all the sexual release I get from Marcella and my right hand, my pipes were probably cleaned out a month after my vasectomy but I couldn't take any chances. Marcella is Catholic and extremely anti-abortion, something that we have argued about on more than one occasion! She told me from the beginning that if she ever got pregnant she would definitely have the baby rather than get an abortion. I am pretty certain she is dead serious and there just is no way this old fart is going to become a daddy at the age of 66! Thus the vasectomy and doing just what the doctor ordered before getting the okay for no bareback fucking. That day is finally (almost) here Whoopee-ti-yi yo! Ride 'em cowboy!

Thankfully Marcella has no problems with birth control of any kind. Most Catholics rightfully ignore the nonsense that comes out of the Vatican on that subject and Marcy is no exception. Those Catholics that don't ignore what the Church mandates, especially those in poverty stricken third world countries, frequently find themselves with children they neither want nor can afford and that is a tragedy and a disgrace for the Catholic Church, one of many I might add.

Marcella has no problems with masturbation either. We would have some BIG arguments if she started telling me that jacking off was a sin! She has even admitted to me that she masturbates and has a vibe hidden in her underwear drawer. Good for her! At least we have one "hobby" that we can share. I wonder if her cutie pie roommate Patty masturbates or has a vibe...oh I better stop thinking about's too early to start jacking off this morning...or is it EVER too early for that? Probably NOT!

You know I'm sort of going to miss going to the doctor's office to jack off. These three appointments for jacking off in a bottle have been the only three times in my life that I've looked forward to going to the doctor's office. At my age, you have to take your cheap thrills where you can find them! As I handed the nurse my semen bottle, I jokingly told her that it was a lovely experience and asked her if I could come back for a repeat performance just for the fun of it. She laughed and told me she couldn't let anyone use that room or the wonderful erotic stimulation package (some old Playboy and Penthouse magazines!) without a doctor's appointment. Damn the bad luck! I didn't tell the nurse that on my first semen check appointment when they forgot to offer me the erotic stimulation package that I whacked off fantasizing about having a threesome with her and the office receptionist, who are a couple of babes by the way. Some things are just better left unsaid! Sadly there will be no more jacking off in the doctor's office I least until my next vasectomy (Say what?) All I can say is that it was much more fun that the finger up the pooper I get from the doc on my annual physicals!

Enough for now! I'll be back later on in the week with my "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" for November. Yeah I can hardly wait! Have a nice week y'all!


Anonymous said...

Oh Mike, you will enjoy not having that worry anymore. And yes bareback is way more fun. Bi for now,,Rob

steff81 said...

Hi, you left me a birthday message. Thanks, but I have to say that I don't know you. At least I don't think so. Anyway, thanks for the birthday day wishes and good luck with that no sperm in the jism thing.

Rap said...

The head of the Urology department led a group of VIP's on a tour of the operating suites, kitchens, laundry, and finally the patient wards of the newly completed, ultra modern Health Care Facility.

In the men's ward they entered a room where a man lay upon a bed holding a tattered girly magazine in one hand and masturbating furiously with the other.

The man was so intent upon his task that he did not bother to look up at the cluster of shocked faces peering into his doorway.

Naturally the group of big shots were aghast. They immediately demanded the doctor explain why such goings on were tolerated within the hospital.

“Oh, the poor man has a condition that causes his body to produce far, far too much semen. If the pressure isn’t released several times per day the prognosis would be most unpleasant,” the doctor answered.

He leaned forward and lowered his voice, “In fact, I have seen cases where the testicles actually explode.”

The VIP's gasped, clucked their tongues, shook their heads and muttered, "poor man, how unfortunate, oh, my goodness."

The doctor led the group down a polished corridor, around several corners, and through a set of swinging stainless steel doors until they came to a lavish private room.

There, upon the bed a man was being enthusiastically fellated by a young, attractive nurse wearing only her nurses cap, spike heels, and thigh high stockings.

“Doctor!” sputtered the VIP's. “How can you possibly explain this?”

"It's quite simple, sir,” the doctor said. “This poor fellow has the same condition as the first patient we saw just down the hall.

The only difference is that this young man has far, far better healthcare insurance.”

Mike Stewart said...

Yup happy bareback fucking days are here again Rob!!!

steff81 I may have been having a "senior moment" but more likely I just stumbled on your blog and liked what I saw. Thanks for the good luck!

LOL That's a good one rap! That would have been something that happened down here in the USA. Our healthcare system is getting worse every day, especially for the have-nots. Meanwhile that guy in the White House continues to say "What, me worry?"

Anonymous said...

I must be different, as I get a huge hard on when I can fuck my wife with a condom. They never cause me any problems and I love using a rubber!

Mike Stewart said...

"Different STROKES for different folks!" Mr. Anonymous. I'm absolutely sure you are in the minority in your preference for condoms but there is nothing wrong with that. Lots of people SHOULD be using rubbers and are not...millions of unwanted pregnancies and lots of disease are the result of that. If you need them or just prefer them...go for it! No argument from me at all there!