Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Yup that headline is correct folks! Click on the newspaper image to read all about it. It's time for the Horny Old Guy to put an end to all of this nonsense...at least for a while. There are a variety of reasons for my decision which I will attempt to outline below. Today marks the second anniversary of starting this goofy thing and by coincidence it's also my 200th post. If that's not enough it's also National Masturbation Month. What better time to pull the plug huh?
I started this wacky blog two years ago today, on May 16, 2005 with THIS lame ass post. I definitely was a bit unclear on the concept of blogging at the time. I thought it was more like a private diary and in the beginning that's probably what it was. I got almost no comments and I'm sure I had almost no readers. That didn't make much difference and I'm quite sure that most bloggers blog as much or more for their own enjoyment as for that of their readers. Now I look at my hit counter which shows over 85,000 hits and see that almost 5700 curious souls have clicked on my profile and I say "Who are all of these people?" I mean I still get very few comments so I truly haven't got a clue as to who all of these lurkers are. How do they find this thing? I'm sure some just stumble on it and say "Whoa! This old fucker is nuts! I'm out of here!" and I don't blame them. Some apparently do keep coming back for more new posts or delve into my archives. They are truly gluttons for punishment but I really do appreciate it! It's always nice to know you aren't talking to yourself even if you haven't got much to say!
I've let it all hang out (in more ways than one!) in this blog, divulged personal things about my past and present sex life that I've never told another person, not my closest friend or my two ex wives nor any of my many past lovers over the years. Some of those things I am not too proud of but I felt they had to be included. It's been a liberating and fun experience but it's time to zip it up and move on. My current social and sex life has been in a funk ever since Marcella left me which gives me additional incentive to at least take a break from this mental (but not my physical) masturbation. I mean how many ways can you say "Well I jacked off again all weekend?" I feel good about the possibility of establishing a long term relationship with my neighbor and new friend Kathy but that is going to take a while before it gets interesting...and maybe it never will.
Another thing that I have to consider is that I felt very uncomfortable and guilty writing about the sexual details of my relationship with Marcella while we were together, maybe even more so about writing of my lust for her sexy roommate Patty. This really bothered me more than I let on in my posts. I'm not good at keeping secrets and almost every time Marcella was over here I felt guilty that I would be blogging on Monday morning about our Saturday night fuck fests and her sweet Sunday morning blow jobs. I also worried about her finding this blog on my computer...and there were indeed a couple of close calls. I'm not sure I want to go through all that again if things get going with Kathy or any future girlfriend. Believe it or not I've never really been a "kiss and tell" (or "fuck and tell"!) type of guy...at least before I started this blog!
Additionally, as much as I've really enjoyed blogging, it's been taking up way too much of my time. It also looks like it will be a really busy summer for me. Two friends from my working days (as a civilian in military aircraft electronics) and myself are getting ready to restore a vintage aircraft for a museum. This will involve lots of travel to and from Sacramento and some overnight layovers there. I'm also planning some extensive summer travel. It's been far too long since I've been to Europe so I'm getting ready to take another independent tour of the continent. London, Paris, Amsterdam, Venice, Rome, Munich...ah just think...I'll be jacking off in all of those places! (Romantic, isn't it?). I'll also be taking a road trip to visit my sister in Colorado and see some old friends in other parts of the country. All that along with my duties as president of our condo Board of Directors (which is taking up more of my time than I envisioned!) and trying to get into Kathy's pant...I mean establishing a warm personal relationship with Kathy will keep me more than occupied until the fall. I may get back to blogging then...or anytime things substantially improve in my social and/or sex life. I suspect that there will be some further updates in the life of the Horny Old Guy. I'm just not sure when they will come. Check back here once in a while if you'd care to.
I will truly miss blogging though and I'm sure there will be some withdrawal symptoms. I've looked forward to writing new posts bi-weekly and digging up some silly illustrations to go with them. I've greatly enjoyed the comments that I have received as well as the occasional e mail. I'd sincerely like to thank all of you people (including all you lurkers!) for reading this nonsense, especially those of you who came back time and time again and/or left comments. To the two lovely women who sent me nude pictures of yourself, you will forever have my gratitude! I wish all of you the very best! Until we meet again, enjoy your bodies and your lives! Thanks again for reading and goodbye for now!
P.S. I don't know if I ever mentioned it or not (LOL) but...
Friday, May 11, 2007
Sometimes I wonder how much longer I will be "alive and kicking" (or in my case "alive and jerking!) on this sometimes strange, sometimes ugly but still wonderful planet. Even though I am in great health and still feel and act like a horny teenager much of the time I occasionally have to face the fact that I am 66 years old with 67 just a few short months away. Facing my own mortality is not something I dwell on you understand...but at my age (any age in fact!) you do have to remember that it ain't gonna' last forever! There just ain't no way to get out of this life alive that I know of! Actually I had that figured out at about six years of age but back then my sixties seemed so far, far away! My biggest surprise in life has definitely been how the years have flown by so quickly...and they still aren't slowing down! I'm now in the third and final act of this real life drama so I better make it good!
Sometimes I also wonder how good or bad my remaining years will be, romantically speaking. Will I find a compatible companion to spend them with or will I like so many elderly people be forced to live a solitary and sometimes lonely life. Being an optimist I tend to think that I will find another partner to live those final years with. It could possibly be my neighbor in m Kathy or it may be someone else I've yet to meet. Then again it might be nobody...only time will tell. Actually I don't mind living alone all that much. I've lived by myself more than I've been in relationships in my life and for the most part I've enjoyed it. Oh it would be nice to find the perfect relationship but I learned a long time ago that most people do not live like Ozzie and Harriett or the Cleaver family of "Leave It To Beaver" fame. There are few worse things in life than being in a miserable relationship. I do speak from experience there!
Sometimes I wonder if I will continue to be the horny bastard that I am today as I move into my 70's and 80's and if I'm lucky even into my 90's. Will I still be ogling the babes off and on the web and fantasizing about eating pussy and fucking and getting sucked off? Will I be getting any real poontang at all in my latter years or will my sex life be limited to compulsive jacking off as it is now? Or will I slowly lose interest in the sex game altogether and by then even Viagra won't help the old pecker stand at attention? I tend to think that I will stay still pretty much as I am which is one horny old son-of-a-bitch, at least for a good long while. I really believe in the old theory of "use it or lose it!" and God knows my old dong gets plenty of use!
I suppose that my biggest fear is that I will become immobile and/or senile and end up in a nursing home. Does anybody know if you are allowed to jack off in those goddamn places? Are you allowed to play "Hide the Salami" with the female residents if you both are ready and willing and still remember how to do it? Actually it's a minority of people who end up there and I intend to keep active mentally and physically and independent as long as possible. Meanwhile maybe somebody will come up with Viagra for the brain! Like the whole concept of my mortality, it's not something that I dwell on. Whatever will be, will be!
Sometimes I wonder more than anything else how long I can keep coming up with new ideas for this lame ass blog, especially since my social/sex life is currently in another state of limbo. I'll have more to say about that subject on my next post which by the way will be my 200th post and on the second anniversary of my first blog post next Wednesday. Until then you folks all take it one day at a time but remember it ain't gonna' last forever...and that even goes for you young whippersnappers! Remember also that it's still National Masturbation Month so y'all join in the festivities! Cheers!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Okay guys I have some bad news and some good news for you. The bad news is that I racked my brain and the best I could come up with for my "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" of May is Katie Couric (above). The good news is the runners up were Rosie O'Donnell and Hillary Clinton (below)...so it could have been MUCH worse! Oh God I'm in a silly mood this morning!
Actually I was thinking about who to award this great honor to last night and Katie came on the TV reading the news. I thought to myself "I wouldn't mind fucking that babe!" (a common thought for me with all the TV news women with the possible exception of CNN's Candy Crowley!) and then the light went on in my ancient brain. Yes! Katie will be my Jack Off Fantasy for May! For my readers in foreign lands (both of you!) who are not familiar with Katie, she was the long time co-host of the "Today" show which has been a very popular morning news and entertainment program here in America for decades. In 2006 Katie became the first female solo anchor on one of our "big three" national network evening news programs (and good for her for that!)
Katie has always had that sort of "girl next door" quality to her. Perky and nice as well as very smart, the kind of gal you'd like for a sister or an aunt (no incest jokes please!) as well as for a girlfriend or wife. She was also known for her short skirts on the Today program which displayed those lovely legs to full advantage. She doesn't look bad in a bathing suit either, does she? Yeah Katie was and is a babe! She is also 50 years old so don't say that I ALWAYS choose the young women for my celebrity jack off inspiration. Most of the time? Yup! But not always! I'd play "Hide the Salami" with Katie any day...and I have about as much chance of doing that as I do in becoming the next husband of Britney Spears! My fantasies will set me free though! Katie you da' woman for the month of May!
There was a little controversy over a photograph released by the network when Katie started her news anchor gig last year. The CBS network apparently used Photoshop or some other image manipulation software to take about 80 pounds off of Katie for a publicity portrait. See the results above. Hmmmm...well if Katie can use Photoshop, so can yours truly the Horny Old Guy! The "slightly adjusted" picture of me below right might come in handy if I start getting involved in computer dating! Come to think of it I better forget it. I might get sued for false advertising if things progress the way I hope they will if you know what I mean and I think you do! Hey I told you I was in a silly mood this morning!
If you guys can't get too inspired by Katie just check out "celebrity" in my index/label column at the right side of my blog. I suspect you'll find LOTS of inspiration for jerkin' there! Whatever your inspiration don't forget to join in the festivities in celebrating National Masturbation Month with the Horny Old Guy. That goes for all of you lovely women too...pull out those Hitachi Magic Wands (or whatever!) and come (cum?) to the masturbation party with us! Enjoy your bodies...and the weekend! Bye bye for now!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
I get my hair cut by a lovely young Vietnamese woman who looks absolutely good enough to eat, which among other things is just what I'd like to do to her. Yeah I know...fat fucking chance you old fart! My Viet sweetie barber looked and smelled particularly delicious yesterday morning and as I gazed on that shapely butt and low cut neckline I began to feel a stiffness rising in my pants. Parts of her body were occasionally brushing against mine as she went about her work and that was working it's usual magic on the old pecker. "Ah so close...and yet so far away!" thought the Horny Old Guy to himself! Not the first time that I've sprung a throbbing boner in that barber chair!
I've fantasized about unzipping my pants and having a quickie jack off under that sheet from time to time. It's always a rush to jack off somewhere where you shouldn't be doing it. If I thought I could discreetly get away with it, I might even try it. The under the sheets vibration would probably give my uncivil, ungentlemanly conduct away though and the Horny Old Guy really is a gentleman as you all are aware of by now (what are you laughing at?) I would also worry that my barber/hair stylist would finish her work before I finished mine and pull back the sheet to reveal my senior citizen dong in action...and then who knows what would happen? She would either laugh or scream and call the cops. Nope, it ain't worth going to jail for or even getting kicked out of her shop for. I'll be a good boy and keep in zipped in that barber shop. Yesterday I did what I always do on such occasions...left the barber shop with a stiff dick (wonder if she noticed the bulge?) and went home and jacked off while I fantasized eating and fucking and being sucked off by that lovely Asian barber shop babe.
Did you know that there was one time that I actually did get offered a blow job in a barber shop? That was by another Asian honey on a trip to Bangkok over 25 years ago. I wrote about that trip HERE Back then (and probably still now!) sex was for sale all over Bangkok. You could get fucked or sucked off at almost every place in town except McDonald's and I'm not even sure that they didn't ask you if you wanted a blow job along with those burgers and fries there. Anyway I went to a barber shop to get a haircut right after I first arrived in Bangkok and this young, very attractive Thai babe took me into the back room where there was a bed and asked me if I wanted some oral service (for a substantial extra charge of course!) in addition to my haircut. I was tempted but turned her down. Admittedly I'd come to Bangkok primarily with sex in mind but I wanted to look around, to see what else was on the menu, before indulging my erotic fantasies. This young Thai female barber was however just as lovely as the one I patronize here in Stockto
I truly love women of all races but Asian women have an extra special, erotic, exotic appeal to most of us guys I believe. Ah those lovely young butts, those small to medium sized but very firm breasts, those warm, tight pussies...oh control yourself Mike! Finish this fucking post before you start jacking off again! I got my first taste of Asian sexual hospitality at the young age of 18 while I was in the Army and stationed in in Korea. There were side trips to Japan for even more rewarding Asian sexual experiences. Admittedly that sex was all with prostitutes but when you are 18 and horny and far away from home and your American girlfriend (in my case my ex girlfriend!) that really didn't make any difference. It's "any old port in a storm" you understand and those were some lovely ports indeed! I was especially fond of those Asian blow jobs. Asian women are truly some of the best cocksuckers in the world. I didn't have sex with another Asian woman until I went to Bangkok thirty years later and there (after my haircut without the BJ on the side!) I spent most of my week getting sucked and fucked by another sweet young Asian babe. Ah yes those were the days!
I'd always sort of hoped to find an Asian girlfriend somewhere along the line right here in the good old USA but that just never happened, damn the bad luck! When I was younger Asian women didn't seem to date guys of other races that much and I rarely saw them in the bars in my lecherous bar hopping one night stand days. I guess things have changed because when you look at college campuses nowadays it seems to be a status symbol for every Caucasian and black guy to have an Asian girlfriend...and the young Asian women don't seem to object to having white or black boyfriends either. It's sort of like the fact that most modern young women (of all races, starting in their early teens) are apparently ready, willing and able to casually give blow jobs to their boyfriends with very little coaxing. They don't even consider blow jobs sex! (Thanks Bubba Clinton!) Yup I was just born fifty fucking years too soon! Oh well...as always my fantasies and my right hand will get me through the day and through the night!
Getting back to reality, my neighbor and fellow condo association board member Kathy came over last night and we edited and published our first monthly homeowners newsletter together. It was lots of fun and I'm looking forward to doing future issues with her. Once again we got along very well and I got my first hug from her (and she initiated the hug!) when she left. She declined my invitation to stay for a glass of wine though. "Maybe next time!", she said. It seems like I've heard that line before! Things are moving along nicely though...I think I've got a new good friend...and hopefully something more than that! Only time will tell. Yeah I'll admit it...I jacked off in bed while fantasizing about Kathy after she left too. They don't call me "the Horny Old Guy" for nothing folks! Two lovely jacking off fantasies in one day! Life is good!
With erotic thoughts of women of all races lingering in my ancient and dirty mind, I'll wish you all a great weekend! Thanks for reading this nonsense, see you next week!
Monday, April 23, 2007
I just don't like dates pre-arranged by other people. And yet when I wake up with morning wood and no place to put it...I may let Charlie fix me up after all! I may still try that Craigs List thing too, whatever the fuck that is! The last time I tried computer dating I sure wasn't thrilled with the results though, as the cartoon at left illustrates. I still have the feeling that something good may come out of my relationship with my fellow condo association board member and neighbor Kathy but that may take a while since Kathy has already told me that she's not interested in a relationship for a while after coming off of a bad long term one earlier in the year. We have a meeting at my place on Wednesday night to put together our first co-produced homeowners newsletter (remind me to keep my jack off pictures out of it!) and I'm looking forward to that of course! Maybe I can inch just a little bit closer to that red hair covered place I want to be. Only time will tell...but I may need something besides my right hand to tide me over in the meantime. I also have to face the fact that Kathy may not be interested in dating (or fucking) me even after she gets over her ex. No use putting all of your eggs in one basket eh? Whores and one night stands are still out of the question though. Been there, done that...but I ain't gonna do it ever again!
Saturday night I was feeling a combination of loneliness and horniness so I turned once again to Flickr for some visual inspiration for jacking off. I think I've mentioned THIS website before. It's a place where anyone can post their photographs for others to see. Anything from snapshots of the family and the family dog to travel photos to nude photos. Of course it's the latter which are of particular interest to the Horny Old Guy. Most of the nude photos are by amateurs or semi-pros but they are for the most part very high quality, many even artistic in nature. I find pictures of non professional semi-nude and nude women to be much more erotic than those you find in the men's magazines. To me those skin magazine pics look look all too similar and too airbrushed...just not natural! I'm not a fan of enhanced titties either. Nah, just show me the average woman without her clothes and I'll be one happy and horny camper...or jerker! I guess that's why I love the nude beaches so much. Breast size doesn't make any difference nor does having the perfect figure. Any size, any age, any race...I just love to gaze upon that naked female skin! I'd much rather look at the young woman behind the counter at McDonald's or the middle aged one sitting in front of me on the bus naked than the Playmate of the Month! Much more interesting and much more erotic...in my most humble opinion anyway!
So that was about it for my weekend folks! Flickr'n and jerk'n! Yeah I know...I really need to get a life! I'm working on that and you'll be the first to know when something happens. Until then, thanks as always for reading this boring crap! I'll be back later on in the week with more of the same!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
There is a shoe box hidden in the back of my closet with nothing but photos and video of myself in the nude and having sex. The pictures are mostly of myself but there are a few that feature some of my past female companions. This material is in almost every visual format known to man (or woman!)...black and white and color Polaroid snapshots, 35mm color slides, 8mm and Super 8 movie film, black and white and color videotape and even a compilation of all this stuff on a CD-R and a DVD-R. I have of course used a few of these still pictures and movie/video frames to illustrate some of my posts in this blog, especially when these posts dealt with my favorite solitary activity...jacking off!
I'm really not sure why I started taking nude pics of myself although I suspect most amateur photographers, both male and female, have shot a few nude self portraits of themselves, especially in this digital age. In the old days it was pretty difficult to do unless you did your own darkroom work or had a Polaroid camera. Up until the early 1970's, most mainstream commercial labs (the kind the drugstores use) would not return photos with ANY nudity in them even if there was no sexual content. You might get the negatives back but not the prints, although I'm sure those prints became the part of many a private collection! Depictions of any type of hardcore sex including masturbation were just out of the question back then, strictly illegal in fact.
It sort of turned me on looking at those pics although I'm not sure why. I mean I was seeing my self naked in the mirror every day and in those days jacking off just about every day too. What's the fucking big deal about looking at a nude picture of yourself doing the same thing? I don't know...all I can say is that I got a rush out of it. Every once in a while from then on I would shoot a candid nude of myself with my Polaroid. Not an everyday thing you understand...just once in a while. When Polaroid came out with a new camera (called SX-70 as I recall) that took better pictures in color I upgraded to that model. Frankly the only pictures I took with either Polaroid camera were nude pictures of myself and a few snapshots, mostly clothed but including a few nudes, of a couple of girlfriends. More about those photos later in this post.
It wasn't just me that was taking nude pictures of myself and or wives/girlfriends/whores with a Polaroid camera of course! I would bet that more private nude and explicit sex pictures were taken with these instant picture cameras than any other type of picture. I mean you could continue to use your Brownie camera and relatively cheap drugstore processing for your family and Christmas pics and save the more expensive Polaroids for your private nude shots.
All it took was a willing wife or girlfriend and you could shoot the kind of full frontal nudity that you couldn't even find in adult magazines like Playboy. Great for jacking off to when your sweetie was not around! If she would let you shoot her sucking on your weenie or let you use the self timer to shoot you slipping the big salami to her that would be even better! I remember seeing a coffee table book of old nude Polaroids some years ago and some of the pictures were very graphic and very erotic!
Here (primarily for my own amusement!) is that first 8mm. movie sequence, complete and uncensored:
I occasionally repeated my experiment over the years using various 8mm and Super 8 movie cameras and later video camcorders. Video of course made things MUCH easier. You could shoot anything you wanted without worrying about it being seen by lab workers or even worse censored or confiscated. Below is the first the first piece of video I shot with my brand new RCA black and white video camera. You just know what the subject matter was! Wow was I ever that young?
I went through several home video cameras, portable recorders, and camcorders from the Betamax days to present day Mini-DV and DVD. From time to time I've used every one of those gadgets to shoot some footage of me in the nude and usually jerking off. Hey with video you have to be doing something, don't you? When I really got lucky I scored some footage of me "slipping the salami" to my sweetie. More about that shortly.
Below is a 5 minute compilation of movie film and video taken over a period of 35 years, consisting of me engaged in my favorite solitary activity. I put this together one night after a couple too many glasses of wine. All I can tell you is it seemed like a good idea at the time!
Digital still cameras were of course to still photography what video cameras were to movie photography. Shoot all you want of anything you want and look at it immediately! I've used that format too from time to time in recent years to shoot a still nude or jacking off shot of myself. Admittedly as I got older, I shot less of all types of this material. The novelty has long worn off and let's face it...I ain't the (somewhat) handsome young stud I once was. I now look in the mirror in the morning sometimes and say "Whoa! Who is that old fart? It just couldn't be me!" Oh it could be worse I suppose. I still have most of my hair and keep in pretty good shape but I am not the man I once was, at least physically. Those nude pics from thirty to forty years remind me of that time and time again. And yet...I still pull out the camera once in a while and shoot another nude self portrait of myself. Don't ask my why because I don't have an answer.
I also have a videotape which shows my old girlfriend Gloria (from my 50's) and I fucking and performing oral sex on each other. We made it in a motel in Santa Barbara (California) and were both pretty high at the time. Believe me Gloria would have never done that when she was straight and sober! The video is more funny than erotic but I treasure it today. Again there is no way that I would ever put a clip of that little XXX rated video escapade that showed Gloria's face on line. She is still around and would be coming after me if she ever saw it anywhere on line and I wouldn't blame her. Nah it's best to just keep certain things private. An occasional picture of me nude or waving my weenie around (and only right here in this blog when the post calls for it!) is as far as I could ever go in making my nude pics public...and as a shy guy (really!) I'm absolutely amazed that I've done that!
I do have to say that I'm glad that I did take those nude shots of myself over the years though, especially those that I took in my younger years. I never intended for anyone but myself to see them and up until this blog few people ever did. Only a couple of my girlfriends saw them (only because they wanted to) and since I'd been divorced twice before I started taking them neither of my ex wives ever saw them. The jack off stuff has been kept completely private, again at least up until this goofy blog. Just like it's fun to go back and look at my old childhood pictures and my old school pictures, any of my old pictures in fact, I've found it to be fun once in a while to dig out this old shoe box and go through my old nude pictures. It's not something I'm obsessed with you understand. The nude/sex pictures are a small fraction of the photos I've taken of myself, family and friends, and places I've been over the years but I still value them and find them interesting. My only regret is I didn't get the opportunity to start earlier, say when I was about 18, maybe even earlier. I would advise everyone out there to start early, shoot a few nudes of yourself (and your partners if they don't object) from time to time and save them. Someday when you are an old fart like me you may be glad you did!
I do worry once in a while about someone finding my stash after I've gone and I've yet to find a really secure place to hide them. That's my only concern for now, and at my age and since I live alone that is indeed a concern! Hopefully I will soon find a companion for the rest of my life who I can trust to dispose of these pictures (if she wishes) after I've gone. Meanwhile I think I'll whip out the old digital camera (and the old weenie too!) and take a couple more pics to put in that shoe box before I put it back in it's hiding place. To those people who think that nudity is obscene (and I sincerely doubt that there are many of them who read this fucking blog!) I truly feel sorry for you. Look at what happened this week in Virginia (the mass murder at the university) or at the mess that our president has gotten us (the USA) into in Iraq...or the genocide taking place in Darfur! THAT is obscene my friends! Pictures of naked people? Pictures of people having sex? Nope, not obscene at all in my most humble and ancient opinion! Hey have a nice weekend y'all with or without your clothes! I promise there won't be any more naked pics of the Horny Old Guy for a while! Bye bye for now!