Monday, February 26, 2007

Those Nasty Cartoon Characters!

It was a rather cold and rainy weekend in Stockton town, perfect weather for staying home, staying naked and fucking! That's just what Marcella and I did for most of the weekend. We didn't go out for dinner on Saturday night, just called out for pizza instead. Fucking and sucking sessions on Saturday afternoon and evening, then my now ritual blow job on Sunday morning (Marcella even skipped church afterwards which is rare!) and a final fuck-a-thon Sunday afternoon. I feel so sexually satisfied that I might not jack off for at least 24 hours...well maybe that's going a little too far...but life continues to be very good for the Horny Old Guy! I hope it is for all of you gluttons for punishment (for repeatedly coming back to this silly blog) too!

The picture I used of the Walt Disney character "Goofy" in my last post reminded me about all of the fantasies I used to have as a young lad about cartoon characters having sex. I know it will come as quite a surprise to you that such a fine clean cut elderly Christian gentleman as myself (what are you laughing at?) was such a nasty little boy but I have to admit that was indeed the case. Starting at age 5 or 6, long before puberty, I was trying to get all the little girls (including my sister) to take off their panties and show me their butt and that mysterious crack between their legs. In return I would be glad to show them my stiff little weenie. At the time I had no idea that my weenie and their cracks would fit together so well in just a few short years. When an older kid told me what the word "fuck" meant I was both shocked and aroused. I couldn't believe you had to do that nasty thing to have a baby and that my parents actually engaged in that thing, that they had done so to produce me in fact! At the same time I couldn't wait to try it myself...but that would have to wait until after puberty. The wonderful discovery of jacking off a year or so before I began the process of puberty sort of brought everything together and I wanted to do that nasty thing called fucking even more! Unfortunately none of the local girls had the same desire!

Between thinking nasty thoughts about fucking all those girls in the neighborhood and at school and occasionally watching dogs fuck and envying them, my young but dirty mind soon started having nasty fantasies about all the famous cartoon characters. I loved comic books and the comics in the daily and Sunday newspaper and in my fantasies those characters were always fucking or sucking or engaged in other sex acts, sometimes sex acts with ME!

I pictured Donald Duck getting sucked off by Daisy Duck and Popeye getting a blow job from Olive Oyl. When I went to a Disney movie I could imagine all of the seven dwarfs as well as myself fucking Snow White (she was a babe!) and getting our weenies sucked by her. I fantasized about Peter Pan fucking Wendy and the Mad Hatter fucking Alice. Cinderella got fucked by the Prince (me!) and his big dick fit in her tight pussy just as well as the glass slipper did on her foot. You name the comic character and I had nasty fantasies about them! I even imagined Blondie fucking Dagwood and their kids Alexander and Cookie also doing the nasty with each other! I pictured Dennis the Menace catching his mom and dad fucking and making a smart ass comment. Yup I really had a dirty mind back then...and yeah I know...nothing much has changed!

Remember that there was no pornography of any kind (at least none available to most of us kids), no internet, no cable TV, no sexy videos, not even any nudity of any kind in mainstream movies at the theater way back then. We had to take our cheap thrills where we could find them. We would find a picture of a topless African or Balinese maiden in National Geographic magazine or a topless model in US Camera magazine and we thought we had struck it rich! We could use that as jack off material for months or even years. If you were even more lucky you could find your dad's stash of adult pin up magazines but all you saw there was tits and ass, not that that wasn't enough to put some lead in your pencil. Of course pubic hair and genitals were strictly taboo even in the nudist magazines. The airbrushed out pussies and cocks on the nudists looked mighty strange! It was really the dark ages in finding visual inspiration for jacking off, not that we really needed THAT much inspiration!

I didn't find out until my high school years that there were crude little black and white comic books called "Tijuana Bibles", illegal but available under the counter if you knew where to find them, that indeed showed all of our favorite comic characters fucking and sucking! I sure wish I had them from the beginning of my jerk off years! My fantasies about nasty cartoon characters continued all through my teens and into my twenties. I still get sort of turned on when I find such material on the web in fact.

It's interesting to note that cartoon character sex still seems to be extremely popular on the web. There are tons of nasty toons on line! You can find all of the characters from the old days as well as the recent Disney features ("Beauty and the Beast", "Pocahontas", etc.) slipping the salami to each other. The entire casts of the TV cartoons Flintstones, Jetsons, Simpsons and the Family Guy are engaged in every kind of sexual act known to man or beast. Incest, underage sex and bestiality are definitely not off limits with these cartoon families...actually those taboo subjects were also common in the Tijuana bibles too. If it moved, it got fucked!

That's enough nasty nostalgia for today. I hope you got a chuckle out of some of these XXX rated toons. Am I the only one who used to be and still is goofy and horny enough to fantasize about cartoon character fucking? Maybe you better not answer that! I'll see you later in the week with my Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy for March. I promise it won't be Minnie Mouse!'s all folks!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

It's a Big Goofy Old World!

First we had the story of that lovestruck Astro-nut who went chasing a female rival all over the country (wearing diapers so she wouldn't have to stop to pee!) with the probable intention of zapping the rival because she was apparently playing "Hide the Salami!" with her main squeeze, another Air Force (male) pilot. Then Anna Nicole Smith died, the media went bonkers and everybody in the country except me and Pee Wee Herman claimed to be the father of her baby. You think you've finally heard everything but the wacky news continues to roll in. Keep on reading and you'll see what I mean!

I read about this in the New York Times. A much praised children's book called "The Higher Power of Lucky" by Susan Patron is the subject of great controversy because it contains the word "scrotum". The 10 year old heroine of the book hears the word through a hole in the wall when another character says he saw a rattlesnake bite his dog on the scrotum. There is nothing else objectionable in the book which is this year's winner of the Newbery Medal, the most prestigious award in Children's literature. Yet you have all these blue nosed librarians and Republican bible thumpers with their panties in an uproar over that one word. It's already been banned from several school libraries across the country. What a crock of shit! Kids hear all the profanity on cable TV, in the movies and in that cultural rot called "hip hop" and at an early age are exposed to the worst kind of smut on the internet and these people are worried about the single use of the word "scrotum" in a wonderful book. This is the biggest much ado about nothing since Janet Jackson's titty slipped out on the Super Bowl halftime show and you would have thought the world was going to come to an end. Oh balls! Oh Nuts! Oh Scrotum!

Then all over the cable news networks the big story from a couple of days ago was that Britney Spears shaved her head bald, possibly to match her bald pussy which she has flashed in public several times. See my previous post "Britney Bares Bald Beaver" HERE for visual evidence of that. That woman continues to prove she is a freaking nut case...and yeah I'd still like to fuck her anyway! I've never fucked a bald headed woman yet! Hell unless I've forgotten something (and I think I'd remember this!) I've never even fucked a bald pussy (the women of my era did not shave down there!), let alone fuck a bald headed woman! Fucking Britney just might be the closest thing to fucking an alien babe from outer space (in mind as well as body). Oops I forgot about the Astro-nut stalker babe! She's still somewhere out there in the Outer Limits!

There is more...I just read that the people of the great state of Alabama are 90 per cent opposed to the law passed in 1998 that outlawed the sale of sex toys in their great state! Well Duh! I suppose Alabama is like most states where you can buy guns on any corner...and yet you can't go into a sex shop and buy a dildo, a vibe or (my personal favorite) an inflatable woman! Regarding that irony one Alabaman quipped "I ain't heard about anyone killed by a vibrating banana yet!" Ah the power of those right wing religious fanatic crackers! No wonder the citizens are pissed! Please remind me NEVER to move to Alabama, not that I ever had any intention to! Not to pick on Alabama too much, I believe Mississippi has a similar fucked up sex toy law!

And finally...the Air Force has removed from active duty and demoted that lovely female staff sergeant Michelle Manhart (above and left) who posed in the nude for Playboy! I wonder what bone headed, brain dead general made that stupid decision! You can lay your life on the line for your country including possibly getting killed in an unnecessary war but you can't take your clothes off for some tasteful nude photographs in Playboy magazine! God help us if some young stud or old fart (like me!) is jacking off to her pictures! Yo General Dickhead! FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! (I've wanted to say that to a general ever since I was an Army private almost 50 years ago! "Sir" my ass!) Ms. Manhart you're a babe and we love you! We thank you for your service to your country and for having the decency to take your clothes off for us horndogs of all ages! You definitely got a "rise" out of the Horny Old Guy if you know what I mean and I think you do! Both me and my dong salute you darlin'!

Yup it's a big goofy old world folks! This goofy blog is just one more example of that and as always I thank you for reading this nonsense! Enjoy the rest of the week and the weekend! Try not to do anything as goofy as the dude on the slide in the cartoon below! LOL I shall return on Monday, hopefully pussy whipped since Marcella will be here for the weekend! Bye for now!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Jackin' and Jailbait!

"She was fifteen years old, going on thirty-five, Doc, and she told me she was eighteen, she was very willing, I practically had to take to sewing my pants shut. Between you and me, uh, she might have been fifteen, but when you get that little red beaver right up there in front of you, I don't think it's crazy at all and I don't think you do either. No man alive could resist that, and that's why I got into jail to begin with."...McMurphy (portrayed in the film by Jack Nicholson) in Ken Kesey's great novel "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".

I was walking through the mall on Saturday afternoon and gazing at all of those lovely high school and college aged young women in their tight jeans, bare midriffs and low cut tops. Like I've said many times before I was just born fifty fucking years too soon! Yeah I am well aware that many of these young women are definitely in the category of "jailbait" which means that they are under 18 and it's illegal to "slip the salami" to them in most parts of the country. You think of that old saying "16 will get you 20!" which means fool around with an underage girl and you will probably find your ass in the slammer for a long, long time! That's probably as it should be. I'm certainly not advocating sexual affairs between old farts and underage babes. And yet...and yet...those nubile young babes are sooooo lovely to gaze upon and even have masturbatory fantasies about. I think as long as you look but don't touch it's perfectly legal and perfectly okay!

It's hardly rocket science that young women don't suddenly become attractive and sexually desirable at the magic age of 18. Beginning about the time they have completed the transition to puberty (we're talking boobs and bushes, not prepubescent!) they are quite lovely creatures indeed. These lovely young women have been the subject of artists and writers since the beginning of time. They have also been giving us guys of all ages hard ons all during the same time span right down to present day. Is anybody going to tell me that a sexually mature 15 or 16 year old young woman is not a lovely and erotic sight? Sorry but I just don't buy that bullshit! Hey they look good to us as teenagers and they look good to us all of our lives. Again I am not advocating getting involved with these young women, as lovely and tempting as they may be, and I'm certainly against any sort of exploitation of them through molestation, prostitution or pornography. I just think that their beauty and sex appeal is something that can be and should be recognized and acknowledged at a distance without you being labeled a pervert.

Okay I'll admit it! I jacked off on Saturday night to fantasies about some of that sweet young jailbait I ogled in the mall Saturday afternoon. Marcella was out of town and I was lonely and horny and it was Saturday night! I ask you...what's a horny old guy to do? Of course I could have jacked off to fantasies about Marcella but by now...well it's like that old saying about when he have beef every night, even if you love beef, sometimes you get a desire for chicken! I could also have jacked off to Marcella's cutie pie roommate Patty but I've been doing a lot of that lately and besides the images of those jailbait sweeties I saw at the mall were still fresh in my mind. One young redhead in particular that was sitting at a table across from me in the food court was my masturbatory sex partner for the evening. If she had only known "Old Gramps" would be soon slipping the big salami to her in his dirty old mind...uh she probably would have been grossed out! The end result was the same if I had been actually fucking my imaginary jailbait princess...SPURT!!! Admittedly getting to that point wasn't as memorable or enjoyable in my fantasy as it would have been in real life but at least it was completely legal. At my age I have to take my cheap thrills where I find them!

In the current movie "Little Miss Sunshine" Alan Arkin plays a randy grandfather who strongly advises his grandson to get some of that young poontang while he is still underage and it's legal for the one and only time in his life. I couldn't agree more with old gramps! One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't try harder to get myself some more of that tight young stuff when I was still young stuff myself. An older woman named Barbara introduced me to the wonderful world of fucking when I was just 13 but then I went through a long "dry spell" (except for jacking off of course!) until I met my first real girlfriend Vicki as a junior in high school...and it took a long time to get into Vicki's panties! If I had it to do all over again I definitely would have found myself another young sweetie, hopefully several young sweeties, to play "Hide the Salami" with during those young and horny years prior to getting involved with Vicki You don't realize how good some things are until the time has passed for you to get them. At least get them legally! Damn the bad luck!

I fully realize that at my age the thought of having a sexual relationship with a very young woman is totally ludicrous! It just ain't gonna happen and I know it! I'm more than old enough to be their freaking grandfather. I can hear their "Ewwwwwwww!"'s right now! When I was MUCH younger I'll admit that I had a little of that illegal but tight and sweet jail bait poontang but those times were few and far between. I could have gotten in some serious trouble and I certainly did worry about my indiscretions afterwards. In retrospect I was young and stupid and should have resisted temptation and avoided those encounters. It's like another old saying though..."a stiff dick has no conscience!" Truer words were never spoken my friends!

I think of that time when I first got out of the Army at age 21 and met a high school aged sweetie at a drive in movie in Napa and later fucked her without a condom! on the grass in a city park. Talk about living dangerously...but oh did that tight young pussy feel good! Then there was that hippie hitchhiker I picked up on the road to Reno back in my thirties...three days of pure XXX rated ecstasy, the stuff wet dreams are made of, but it also could have got me in some BIG trouble! Yup I should have kept it zipped that time too! That last little escapade was over 30 years ago and I'm happy to say it was the last time I indulged in illegal nookie, quite possibly because it was the last time I had any offered to me...which is probably a good thing since I have no desire to land in the slammer at this stage or at any stage in my life! If you don't have the temptation in your face, you usually stay out of trouble! I still discretely look (rather than stare) at the young stuff and still get turned on though...and at times (like last Saturday night!) I still jack off to fantasies about these lovely young babes. I suspect I have lots of company too. That's just one of the things us guys do, at least most of us guys! The truth is that the older we get the better that young stuff looks, not that it didn't look mighty fine when we were younger you understand. It just looks better now (sigh)!

I suppose that some reading this will be outraged and brand me a "dirty old man" or perv for even writing about this somewhat taboo subject...and that's okay. My whole premise is that it's okay to recognize that the sexual desirability of women (or men for that matter!) doesn't start at the magic age of 18 and it's okay for us guys to look at and fantasize about those nubile young women but for our own good and for their own good...we should keep our distance...just look but don't touch! What you fantasize about and masturbate over is your own fucking business! It's as simple as that in my most humble and ancient opinion! That's about all I have to say or will ever have to say on the subject of "jailbait"! Enjoy the President's Day holiday and the week y'all! Do you think Washington and Lincoln were as horny as I am? Bill Clinton? No contest there, Bubba has got me beat! You da man Bubba! Bye bye for now!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

About Vanna White and Cherry Poptart!

The variety of nasty thoughts and erotic fantasies that enter the mind of yours truly the Horny Old Guy on any given day are truly amazing! Marcella came back to my place after dinner last night and gave me some Valentine's Day loving...a rare mid week suck and fuck session for us since the only time we normally play "Hide the Salami" is on weekends (her idea, not mine!) This weekend she will be out of town to visit her parents so this mid week fuck night was just what I needed to get me through the coming 10 day "dry spell". What I am getting at about the fantasies is that before we even went in the bedroom we were sitting on the couch watching that "Wheel of Fortune" game show (Marcy loves it, I can't stand it!) on TV and I was fantasizing about how much I'd still like to fuck Vanna White.

Vanna is a real babe! I distinctly remember watching "Wheel of Fortune" during the 1980's and 1990's just to ogle Vanna and imagine what it would be like to perform every imaginable sex act on her. Fuck that Pat Sajak guy and all those goofy contestants! Vanna was the reason I watched "Wheel of Fortune" and I'm sure I'm speaking for horny males of all ages. I'm also quite sure that I often whipped my dick out and jacked it off while I fantasized about burying my face and dick in Vanna's sweet young muff. When Playboy published some semi-nude shots Vanna did before she started turning numbers, I thought I had died and gone to heaven! That cum stained issue of Playboy made many a trip to the bathroom and the bedroom with me. Ah that lovely set of rather large (and natural I do believe!) tits! Ah that soft, round, luscious, lickable looking butt! Ah that dark haired bush you could just barely see under the lingerie! Ah the hard on I'm getting right now just thinking of the lovely Vanna! God bless you Vanna White! You've given this old fart many a hard on over the years and I thank you for that! You're turning 50 this Sunday February 18 and I'd still like to fuck you! Happy Birthday darlin'!

After Marcella went home about 11 o'clock last night I saw a commercial on TV for Kellogg's Pop Tarts and I immediately started thinking about the cartoon character "Cherry Poptart" which shows you how my dirty mind works. I think I still have a couple of those nasty comic books in my closet somewhere. Cherry was the title character in a hardcore comic book from the 1980's. The comic was sort of an XXX rated version of the old Archie comics (remember Archie and Jughead and Betty and Veronica? I used to fantasize fucking Betty and Veronica too!) Cherry was the kind of girlfriend all of us guys wish we all had back in high school...always ready and willing to fuck or suck you off in the car...and she swallowed! There was actually some talk about making a movie of the series if I remember (Cherry was 18 and legal!) but that deal must have fell through, damn it! Cherry's mom was a real babe and a sex maniac too, a "MILF" (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) before that slang term was even invented. Yeah Cherry was the stuff wet dreams were made of! Every teenage boy should have a Cherry Poptart in his life and from what I've been reading that just may indeed be just the case in our current society. Like I've said many times before, I was born 50 fucking years too soon!

Here's the ever popular Cherry Poptart doing what she does best!

Then this morning I went out for my walk and stopped in at the Walgreen's drug store. I immediately spotted the cutie pie clerk Amanda at the cash register. In contrast to my dark haired beauty Marcella, Amanda is blond, blue eyed with pale white skin, 18 to 21 years of age I would guess, a youthful, perfect figure, the "girl next door" type of my youth...and she looks absolutely good enough to eat, which among other things is just what I fantasize doing to her as I stand in her line. BOING! Boner time in the drug store and I don't need no Viagra today, thank you! If I was just 50 years younger...I still wouldn't probably have a chance in hell! Needless to say I jacked off to sweet Amanda when I got home!

Why am I telling you nice people all of this stuff? As usual I have no fucking idea except that it may explain why I am such a horny old fart and a compulsive masturbator (as if you already didn't know that!) at the ripe old age of 66. It's also all that I could think of to write about on this beautiful morning in Northern California. My condolences to you people who are snowed in in other parts of the USA and Canada. Think positive...cold nights are great for fucking! They ain't even bad for masturbation! Thanks for reading this nonsense and enjoy the weekend y'all!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Goodbye Anna Nicole Smith!

First of all this morning I would like to publicly announce that I am NOT the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby...unless it's now possible to impregnate a woman by jacking off to her picture in Playboy magazine. I do have to plead guilty to that offense! She was indeed a babe but a rather empty headed and untalented one in my most humble and ancient opinion. She was a gold digger too and anyone who thinks she married that old rich codger for love probably still thinks O.J. is innocent. She apparently wanted to be another Marilyn Monroe but she was missing just one element that Marilyn had...talent! I think the media paid way too much attention to her life and her passing but in this celebrity crazed culture I guess that's the kind of news people like to dwell on day and night. The story off a small town girl from Texas who wanted to be a star definitely had a tragic conclusion and I suppose I'm being a bit hard on her but that story just didn't belong on the front page or on CNN 24/7. Rest in peace Anna Nicole Smith...but frankly you should have stayed in Texas where you probably would have been much happier and lived longer!

Marcella spent the weekend with me again so I have nothing sexually to complain about this morning. Being pussy whipped is a great way to start the new week, at my age or any age! Next weekend Marcy is going to her parents house in the Bay Area so it will be back to jacking off. I wish I could get Marcy to give me a little mid week sexual relief but it's like pulling teeth trying to get laid or even a blow job from her except on weekends. We usually go out for dinner on Wednesday night but she always wants to get right back to her apartment with the excuse that she has to get up for work early Thursday morning. No way I can get her to screw in her apartment either with her roommate Patty in the next room. That would be a big turn on for me but Marcy won't go for it. She says her orgasms make too much noise and she may have a point there. My condo neighbors must sometimes wonder what this old fart is doing when Marcy is over here! A mid week fuck or blow job would still be a treat though, at her place, at my place, in the car...anywhere! Oh always my right hand gets me through the week I have these lovely weekends to look forward to!

Wednesday is of course Valentine's Day. It's been some years since I've been in a relationship so it seems strange having to go out and buy a mushy card, flowers and candy which is what I suppose I better do if I want to get laid even on weekends from now on. Frankly I thought that Valentine's Day shopping was over for good for me. We'll go out to eat at Marcy's favorite Thai restaurant too. After that, maybe I will get lucky...or maybe I won't! I asked Marcy again this weekend if she wanted to move in with me and she told me no again. It was for the same reasons as the last time...her parents wouldn't approve and Patty needs her to share the rent. I think Marcy views our relationship as strictly casual and that's okay with me. I think we're both pretty much on the same page. As much as I like her companionship and the sex, I still value my independence and my solitude too. Once again there was a sigh of relief on my part when she said no to my offer.

That's about all for this morning. I hope you all have a wonderful week and Valentine's Day with your sweeties! If you aren't fortunate enough to have a significant other at this time in your life, free free to make love to yourself! Hey that has worked for me on many a Valentine's day and on many other days and nights throughout the year. Remember the immortal words of that great sage Woody Allen..."Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love!" Truer words were never spoken my friends! See you later on in the week!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Fatal Attraction From Outer Space!

After my last post entitled "A Stiff Dick Has No Conscience!", I was tempted to call this one "A Wet Pussy Has No Conscience!" but being the refined gentleman that I am I resisted that temptation. Another old saying "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned!" might be more appropriate and is certainly in better taste. I have to admit that this story does fascinate me! Of course I'm talking about the strange case of Astronaut Lisa Nowak who, in a fit of jealousy or insanity, drove 950 miles from Houston to Orlando to confront Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman who she thought was doing the nasty with Bill Oefelein, another Astronaut who she herself apparently had a big crush on. Lisa wore adult diapers on her little escapade so she wouldn't have to stop to take a pee along the way (!) and brought along with her a knife, a mallet, some rubber tubing, a loaded BB gun and some pepper spray (what no foot long dildo?). She was wearing a wig and a disguise and registered at a hotel in Orlando under a phony name.

Ms. Nowak confronted Captain Shipman in the airport parking lot, tried to get into her car and finally sprayed pepper spray through the window. Fortunately the Captain was able to drive off and call the police and the love struck dingbat from outer space was arrested. Her lawyer says she only wanted to TALK to the Captain. Yeah right! O.J. is innocent too! What the hell would cause a lovely, supposedly extremely intelligent Astronaut, part of "the cream of the crop" of Air Force pilots, who recently was part of a space mission (now there's a scary thought!) turn into a love struck raging maniac? All I can think of is that that Bill Oefelein dude must have a very big dick or really know how to eat pussy! Remind me never to get involved with that babe (like she would be knocking on my door huh?). A very strange story and one I'm sure that the NASA honchos would like to just go away! Me thinks we will be hearing about it for quite a while though! Ms. Nowak is free on bail which is another scary thought! Lisa darlin' if I've said anything at all to offend you, please don't start driving out towards Stockton!

On the same day in our local paper I read about another woman scorned right in our own back yard, just down the valley from Stockton. It seems that this 50 year old gal named Angela pictured at left (WHOA Dude! I don't think she'll be in any of my wet dreams or jack off fantasies anytime soon!) not only hired a guy to kill her ex hubby but also put a put a soft drink can full of wasps in his pickup truck. Hubby is allergic to wasps and barely escaped being stung to death after he turned his heater on and the wasps attacked! The hit man spilled the beans and Angela is now in jail waiting trial on attempted murder charges. I guess that will teach the old man not to call the old lady ugly...or maybe Angela just wasn't getting the orgasms she thought she deserved!

After reading about these two wackos I feel fortunate to have my Marcella, an easy going, sane woman for a girlfriend. Of course if she ever finds out about this blog or my lust for her roommate Patty, that could all change in a flash! I better just be on my best behavior from now on! Marcy darlin' if you ever find this blog, please forgive me or at least will you please hold the wasps when you come after me? Thank you baby! Thank you all for reading this silly blog! Enjoy the weekend!

Monday, February 05, 2007

A Stiff Dick Has No Conscience!

No I'm not talking about my own dick here! Believe it or not my dick actually does have a conscience...sort of! Oh it's got me in some trouble more than once over the years but with age comes a little wisdom and now with the help of my aged brain the little fellow knows where he is supposed to go and what he is supposed to do...well most of the time anyway! I do however remember the first time I heard that old saying "A stiff dick has no conscience!". My dad was chatting with his neighbor out in the back yard and used it while whispering about a guy at his workplace, a married man who had apparently knocked up the family babysitter. Both my dad and our neighbor seemed to think that old saying as it applied to the situation was was hilariously funny. I was only about ten years old but having experienced many a pre-puberty boner, I somewhat figured out what that they were talking about. After I went through puberty a couple of years later I began to realize that truer words were never spoken!

What brought this old saying to mind was the scandal of San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom getting caught with his pants down...fucking his best friend's wife in fact! We are about 80 miles from San Francisco (Sin City) here in Stockton but it was on the front page of our local paper and probably on the front page of papers around the country. It seems that his honor's best friend Alex Tourk was working for him (now there's a big surprise is politics!) and Alex's sexy young wife Ruby Rippey-Tourk was also working for him as his appointments secretary. The mayor and the friend's wifey couldn't resist each other and Gavin was soon slipping the mayoral salami to his buddy's wife! Ruby confessed to hubby and a major league scandal was the result. Gavin has admitted it's all true and his political ambitions may have just been flushed down the toilet. He was one of the young up and comers in Democratic politics, handsome, bright and charismatic, possibly a future governor, senator or even president...up until now! Now the pundits seem to think that he will be probably still get re-elected in ultra liberal and sexually permissive San Francisco but that's most likely the end of the political trail. Only time will tell if that's true or not but I think it is.

Looking at Ruby I can sort of understand what made old Gavin do it. Hell I would love to fuck her too! She's a babe! And yet...and yet...she was his best friend's freaking wife!!! Sometimes it's best just to leave things in the fantasy stage...just go home and jack off while you imagine yourself eating and fucking and being sucked off by that most tempting object of your desire. That works for me with Marcella luscious roommate Patty. I would just love to bury my face and my cock in that sweet, tight young muff...but it just ain't gonna happen, even if I get the chance (highly unlikely!) as long as Marcella and myself are a couple. I sure do have some nice jack off fantasies about Patty though! Gavin should have done the same thing with Ruby baby and he wouldn't be in such deep shit now!

Of course Gavin wasn't the first politician to get caught with his pants down and his weenie in the wrong hole. Ted Kennedy was most likely out for some stray poontang on that fateful night which ended his presidential hopes for good. It's well known that his brother John F. Kennedy (and maybe Bobby too!) was boning Marilyn Monroe. (Hey how about those horny Kennedys!) Everybody's favorite horndog Bill Clinton couldn't resist Monica when she was on her knees, ready and willing to suck on "the first pecker". It's hard to blame Bubba too much for that either. How would you like to be married to Hillary? Besides it's hard to pass up a free blow job...but I think even Bubba would agree that he should have done just that! Not to pick strictly on the Democrats (I'm one of them!), even old Ike was getting some stray pussy while overseas during World War II. Nixon? Nah, I doubt he even jacked off! Same goes for that junior Bush dude in the White House now! There have been numerous other scandals, straight and gay, involving members of both parties in American politics, more than ever recently but now it's just harder to stop them from becoming public knowledge.

This Gavin Newsom scandal just seems a bit worse because it was in fact Gavin's best friend's wife. I read that women are actually more forgiving in this case (maybe because Gavin is a hunk!) but men generally think that it's a major violation of "the guy code". You just don't fuck your best friend's wife...period! I tend to agree with this train of thought myself. Gavin you silly son-of-a-bitch you made a BIG mistake and you deserve to pay for it! Next time just go home and jack off! I mean with your good looks, power and money (he's rich!) it's not like you can't get any non friend poontang on the side! I suspect that even being straight in San Francisco is an added advantage! Shame on you, you horny young whippersnapper! (End of editorial!)

Oh by the way, Gavin was previously married to the lovely Kimberly Guilfoyle (right), an ex San Francisco prosecuting attorney who became a legal analyst for the Fox News network. Talk about a babe! I've seriously considered giving Kimberly one of my coveted "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" awards. Don't you just love those big beautiful lips and don't you just know where I would love to have them placed right now? Gavin was going through the divorce when he started boning Ruby. I guess he was suffering from a bad case of "lack-a-nookie disease" which I've had many times in my life myself...but it's still no excuse for what he did...and I expect he would agree right about now. That was one expensive price Gavin will pay for some stray pussy! Yeah I know...a stiff dick has no conscience!

An added thought...wouldn't it have been better for all concerned if Ruby just kept her mouth shut about the affair? If you fuck or suck someone you shouldn't do you really have to tell the whole fucking world about it? I mean her marriage is probably as ruined now as much as Gavin's political aspirations. God knows I haven't told Marcella every crazy sexual thing I've done in my life, including writing about our sex life in this crazy blog! Some very personal things are just better left unsaid in my most humble and ancient opinion!

I got considerable use of my own stiff dick this weekend thanks to my sweetie Marcella who spent the entire weekend here, except for a brief break to go to church on Sunday morning after my ritual Sunday morning blow job. Now you can bet Marcy didn't tell her priest about that...not that I would care if she did! All that weekend poontang should insure that my dong will behave itself with a clear conscience until next weekend. If I have to (and I probably will!) I can take the old pecker out and give it a little private exercise but it won't be going any place it shouldn't, unless possibly one of my "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" babes or one of my groupies (LOL) or Patty (sigh) comes to my door. Hey have a good week y'all and you guys all remember that old saying! That goes for you Bi Rob up there in the frozen north too! Bye bye for now!