Monday, March 05, 2007

Ever Been Caught Jacking Off?

Marcella and I watched the movie "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" on DVD Saturday night. I've always liked that 1982 flick, hard to believe it's 25 years old already. Of course one of the funniest scenes (and one that I can definitely relate to!) is when the character played by Judge Reinhold gets caught jacking off in the bathroom by the babe he is jacking off to. Phoebe Cates (right) is enough to inspire anybody to jack off! I remember one of those "Blue Lagoon" type flicks with a lot of her lovely naked young body in it that had me jacking off for a week after I caught it on late night cable TV several years ago. If Marcy wasn't at my side Saturday night, I would most likely have been doing just that even as I watched the DVD! A topless Phoebe (what Judge was fantasizing about!) is definitely jack off material for any red blood male, young or old. What a babe! "Doesn't anybody fucking knock anymore?", the young dude in the movie asks after a shocked Phoebe beats a hasty retreat after seeing what was going on. From the expression on her face she has just witnessed a penis eruption...SPLURT! "Ewwwww!" said her facial expression!

That movie got me thinking about the times that I've been caught engaged in my favorite solitary pastime over the years. I actually had an incident similar to the one in the movie when I was about 14 only it was even more embarrassing because it was my younger sister Karen who caught me sitting naked on the toilet enjoying my ritual evening pre-shower jack off session. I forgot to lock the fucking bathroom door and Karen who was about 12 barged right in on me. Quite a shock for her as well as me I suspect as this was back in the innocent 1950's. No internet, no video, no porn to give us the crude visual sex education that today's youngsters are bombarded with. Most girls got their first view of a mature erect penis when their boyfriends pulled it out of their pants and most likely asked them to perform some sort of service on it. Getting that graphic male anatomy introduction from older brothers certainly wasn't the norm back then (nor is it now!) but I'm sure I'm not the only brother who accidentally provided it for little sis, maybe even big sis!

Karen hadn't seen my penis since it was just a little weenie and the look on her face told me that my newly developed big, hard, hairy man sized cock was quite a surprise and shock to her. The strange thing I was doing to it (rubbing it up and down) probably added to the shock. I can still see that look of shock on Karen's face. It's a wonder she didn't faint! Needless to say I jumped up and closed the door on her but she got a pretty good look at "Junior". It's pretty hard to hide a throbbing hard on when you are naked! I was worried Karen would tell our mom or make rude remarks in front of the family but she never did. I suppose she told all of her girl friends and they giggled about it though. It seems sort of funny even erotic now but definitely not so back then! It was absolutely the most embarrassing incident of my teenage years!

Getting caught jacking off by your mother as a teenager would be almost as embarrassing as by your sister! Here below is a clip from a 1970's sex education film meant to be shown in high schools. I put in a few subtitles and sound effects to show in my dirty mind what I suspect young Ricky is really thinking when mom interrupts his morning whack off session. The lesson to be learned here I suppose is to remember to lock the freaking door anytime you want to whip your weenie out for a little fun. On the other hand there is a time to say "Get the fuck out of here Mom!" There are some things you just need your privacy for but in my edited clip Ricky's mom stays to see the whole show including the "climax" here!

What do you think would have happened if Ricky kept living at home and as an adult kept getting caught by his mom while engaged in his favorite sport? It might look something like this in an X rated version I also re-edited for my own amusement. I hope you get a chuckle or two out of it too!

That's actually yours truly playing the part of Ricky in the above clip. I combined the original Ricky segment with an old 8mm film clip of me jerking off. It was actually the first time I'd ever photographed myself jacking off, in 1970 at age 30. I had a few feet of film left in my 8mm movie camera and decided to use it up documenting my favorite solitary activity. Amazing how that self made clip would come in handy over 30 years later!
It's a wonder that like young Ricky I didn't get caught jerking off many more times in those horny teenage years. I was jacking off night and day, usually in my bedroom, and I didn't even have a lock on my bedroom door. The first thing I did when I got home from school was to go in my room, lay on the bed, unzip my fly, whip out my dick and jack it off, usually fantasizing about some girl at school that I would just love to fuck. Any other time I felt the need to "rub one out" my bedroom was my place of choice, even without the lock! It's truly amazing that my mom or Karen never barged in on me during those hundreds (thousands?) of daily jack off sessions. I had several close calls, barely got my dong stuffed back in my pants a few times but Mom or Karen never saw the "full monty" in "full throttle" when I was wanking in my bedroom.

Worst case scenario of being caught jacking off by mom or sis would of course have been if I was in the process of "blasting off" (cumming) or too close to stop wanking. I'm not sure what their reaction to that eruption would have been but I'm glad I never had the chance to find out!

My mom did catch me stark naked in the hallway early one morning, heading for the bathroom with some stiff morning wood. I didn't think anybody else in the house was up. Mom thought my stiff weenie was a pretty amusing that time. She was of course not so amused (furious in fact!) when she had seen me naked with a boner in that above mentioned motel room incident with Karen. Apparently me by myself with a boner was amusing, but with my sister...not so much! I don't remember mom ever catching me actually jacking off though. I suspect moms would actually understand boys jacking off more than little sisters would. I guess I just lucked out in not being caught more often because I was one jacking off fool back then! Some say I am still one jacking off fool and I wouldn't argue that point very much!

Since those teenage years there have been several other times that I got caught with my pants down, jerking off and not jerking off . Several maids in hotels and motels have entered without knocking while I was either nude or whacking off. I actually found that sort of thing a rush after the first time. Maybe because these are women I don't know there is not the embarrassment factor I felt when my sister or mother caught me in the nude or in the act. A couple of other times me and my ex girlfriends have been caught fucking in motels and hotels which was even more of a rush for me. It's certainly not something that happens often.

Most of the time maids don't even bother you when you are in the room or knock before entering. When they do knock I always answer them. In the few times that the maids have walked right in without knocking I've frankly gotten a rush out of being caught with my dong hanging out or engaged in doing something nasty, more likely just jacking but even better getting my weenie sucked or slipping the salami to my sweetie. Maybe I'm just an exhibitionist at heart...but don't confuse me with one of those wackos who waves his weenie to women and children on the street. There is a difference...I think!

I've also been caught a couple of times jacking off in the great outdoors, mainly on the nude beaches I used to frequent in my younger days. That's not because I really wanted to get caught you understand. Not wanting to offend anyone (or get arrested!) I always chose a secluded part of the beach as do most people who choose to engage in sex on such public beaches. There is always the danger of being caught whenever and wherever you jack off outdoors though. I suppose that adds to the excitement and thrill just as it does with any kind of outdoor sex. You don't what to get caught but if you do it's sort of a rush! In those times you do indeed get caught you can only hope that it will be by someone who is open minded and amused, maybe even turned on rather than outraged by your outdoor sexual activities. You definitely don't want to be turned in to or be caught by a cop! Today with everyone having cell phones and just aching to use them public sex is a risky proposition. You'd best make damn sure your place of choice is as secluded as possible!

My most embarrassing time getting caught jacking off as an adult was one early morning in a laundromat (yes a laundromat!) I'd been turned on by a sexy young babe in shorts who was also washing clothes. When she left I discovered a pair of her panties in the dryer she'd just used and I was now about to use. BOING! Babe panties! Yummy! Instant boner dude! Nobody else was in the place now and it seemed like a good time to have a quickie jack off. I went over behind the last row of washers in the rear of the store and whipped my throbbing dick out, wrapped the panties around it and went to work jacking it off. Bad idea! Suddenly a door opens from the rear of the store and a middle aged Chinese woman (the owner I think) comes out of the storeroom. She sees what I am doing and the shit hits the fan! Screaming, yelling, threats to call the police! Scared the living shit out of me!

An older Chinese woman, probably the younger woman's mother, comes out of the storeroom, sees my still exposed pecker and joins in the shouting spectacle. "You are idiot!" she shouts out at me repeatedly. Have you ever tried to stuff a stiff cock into tight jeans? I finally succeeded and grabbed my still wet clothes out of the dryer and got the hell out of that place and never went back. All I can tell you is that it (jacking off) seemed like a good idea at the time! You can read all the nasty details of that little fiasco right HERE.

You can in fact read more about almost all of these embarrassing incidents if you check out my index/labels column at right under "caught jacking". I guess the bottom line is that if you jack off as much as I do, you are bound to get caught once in a while.

Do any of you other horndogs have any good "caught jackin'" stories to relate. Anybody ever like me caught by your sister while you were sitting on the toilet (or anywhere else) beating your meat? Ever get caught stroking it by your mother or another family member? Tell us all about it! Any fathers ever caught by your teenage daughters when you thought you were alone in the house and decided to "rub one out" in the recliner! Now that would be really embarrassing! I have no doubt some dads have been caught in that predicament though. Hopefully the girls weren't scarred for life!

How about you women? Have you ever been "caught jillin'", with or without your vibe, by your parents, siblings or sons or daughters? If so who caught you and what were the circumstances? What was the reaction?  Did you ever catch your brother or your dad or uncle whacking off? Again tell us all about it!

Have any of you mothers ever caught your son "jerkin his gerkin"? If so what what were the circumstances and what was the reaction on your part and your son's part? How to do you feel about it now? Are you still grossed out or does now it just seem funny...or even erotic as my own experience of being caught wanking on the toilet by my sister Karen incident now seems to me? It was an absolute and total embarrassment at the time but now I either chuckle or get a boner thinking about it! I wonder if Karen ever thinks about that incident or the subsequent mutual masturbation we did in that Santa Cruz motel room. Needless to say it's not something we've ever talked about and most likely never will. Some things are just best left unsaid!

Okay now fess up people! Please tell me that the horny young dude from "Fast Times" and yours truly the horny OLD dude aren't the only ones who ever got caught while we were jackin' or jillin'! The honest truth is if you haven't got caught masturbating at least once in your life you probably haven't been doing it enough!

Have a great week y'all! Try not to get caught jackin' or jillin' but remember that if you do get caught it's not the end of the world, just part of life and something that you'll laugh about, maybe even get turned on about or write about in your blog sometime in the near or distant future ! Bye now!


Dee's Husband Joe said...

Your graphics have me howling! Nicely done!


Anonymous said...

Hey Mike when I was a teen my mom caught me masterbating while watching some skin flick on a cable channel. We were strict Catholics and I had to go talk to our priest. I didnt know it then but he was probably doing worst things than jackoff.

MrManicDepressive said...


You got caught more than I did. My older brother caught me while I was using a hand held shoe polisher. I was using the soft, fuzzy attachment. Unfortunately, I too forgot to lock the bathroom door. He opened it up to find out where all the static on his stereo was coming from. I tried to cover up with the towel I had handy, but shit, I was hard, tenting the towel, and very sweaty. I even picked up a shoe before he got the door all the way open. I don't think he believed me for a second. :)

He's never mentioned it since. Probably blocked it from his traumatized mind.

Al Sensu said...

I love your graphics too - always make me chuckle.

Never been caught, but as I've written, I was a slow learner and didn't start jacking until I was 17.

Although I've often had the fantasy of the sexy hotel maid, the reality ain't that -- at least at the cheap places I stay -- so I always make sure the latch on the room door is swung so that nobody can enter by mistake.

Anonymous said...

I discovered my "sweet spot" quite early like about 5 or 6. I was laying on the couch in the living room enjoying myself (hands were down my panties but under a blanket) one night and my mom took me aside and told me that was okay to do but always do it in private. That was the only time I ever got caught.

Marjorie (long time lurker) who loves the outrageous HOG

Mike Stewart said...

Glad you like the graphics guys! They are fun to dig up!

Anonymous #1 you are so right about those horny priests! As I've said before, if they were allowed to at least jack off I doubt the church would be in the moral and financial ruin it is today! Truly sad!

Hmmm....hand held shoe polisher eh Mr. m/d? Why didn't I think of that? God knows I've tried everything else!

Ah you did get a late start Al Sensu but I'm sure you made up for lost time! I hear you about latches on motel/hotel night I'm double bolted in too...unlatched for maids in daytime only...and only the female variety of maids!

Anonymous #2 (Marjorie) Thanks for that comment darlin'! Sounds like you had a smart mom too! Cheers!

Jess said...

OMG, made me think of the time I got yelled at for "riding" the arm of the I was like 5yrs old..I had straddled the arm and was rocking side to Didn't go over well with my

KK1968 said...

Although I love to be watched while masterbating, and have jerked off in front of many partners and some strangers, I only have been "caught" one time. A few years ago I was in an adult bookstore in a video booth, stroking to some movies. Apparently I hadn't locked the door properly, and a very good looking older prfessional gentleman in an expensive suit walked in mid session with pants sown and bone in hand. I just stood there with an erection for a few seconds and he turned so I thought he was leaving. Instead, he locked the door, came over and finished me off. Like to think about that one sometimes.


cynthia said...

My mama caught me using her vibe once but she was pretty cool about it. Yo Mikey sometimes u make me jealous of your sis hehe :) I never had a bro ya understand :(


Mike Stewart said...

Ah nice to know I wasn't the only one caught with my pants down! Thanks for those comments and confessions folks! and me as brother and sister huh Cyn? The mind boggles! How about uncle and niece?

cynthia said...

heh uncle and neece sounds cool hon can i sit on ur lap uncle mikey? :)

Mike Stewart said...

Cyn darlin' I must have missed that response (up until now anyway!) Talk about an offer too good to pass up! Is the offer still open? Is it? Huh?