Wednesday, May 16, 2007

All Bad Things Must Come to an End!



Yup that headline is correct folks! Click on the newspaper image to read all about it. It's time for the Horny Old Guy to put an end to all of this nonsense...at least for a while. There are a variety of reasons for my decision which I will attempt to outline below. Today marks the second anniversary of starting this goofy thing and by coincidence it's also my 200th post. If that's not enough it's also National Masturbation Month. What better time to pull the plug huh?


I started this wacky blog two years ago today, on May 16, 2005 with THIS lame ass post. I definitely was a bit unclear on the concept of blogging at the time. I thought it was more like a private diary and in the beginning that's probably what it was. I got almost no comments and I'm sure I had almost no readers. That didn't make much difference and I'm quite sure that most bloggers blog as much or more for their own enjoyment as for that of their readers. Now I look at my hit counter which shows over 85,000 hits and see that almost 5700 curious souls have clicked on my profile and I say "Who are all of these people?" I mean I still get very few comments so I truly haven't got a clue as to who all of these lurkers are. How do they find this thing? I'm sure some just stumble on it and say "Whoa! This old fucker is nuts! I'm out of here!" and I don't blame them. Some apparently do keep coming back for more new posts or delve into my archives. They are truly gluttons for punishment but I really do appreciate it! It's always nice to know you aren't talking to yourself even if you haven't got much to say!

I've let it all hang out (in more ways than one!) in this blog, divulged personal things about my past and present sex life that I've never told another person, not my closest friend or my two ex wives nor any of my many past lovers over the years. Some of those things I am not too proud of but I felt they had to be included. It's been a liberating and fun experience but it's time to zip it up and move on. My current social and sex life has been in a funk ever since Marcella left me which gives me additional incentive to at least take a break from this mental (but not my physical) masturbation. I mean how many ways can you say "Well I jacked off again all weekend?" I feel good about the possibility of establishing a long term relationship with my neighbor and new friend Kathy but that is going to take a while before it gets interesting...and maybe it never will.


Another thing that I have to consider is that I felt very uncomfortable and guilty writing about the sexual details of my relationship with Marcella while we were together, maybe even more so about writing of my lust for her sexy roommate Patty. This really bothered me more than I let on in my posts. I'm not good at keeping secrets and almost every time Marcella was over here I felt guilty that I would be blogging on Monday morning about our Saturday night fuck fests and her sweet Sunday morning blow jobs. I also worried about her finding this blog on my computer...and there were indeed a couple of close calls. I'm not sure I want to go through all that again if things get going with Kathy or any future girlfriend. Believe it or not I've never really been a "kiss and tell" (or "fuck and tell"!) type of guy...at least before I started this blog!


Additionally, as much as I've really enjoyed blogging, it's been taking up way too much of my time. It also looks like it will be a really busy summer for me. Two friends from my working days (as a civilian in military aircraft electronics) and myself are getting ready to restore a vintage aircraft for a museum. This will involve lots of travel to and from Sacramento and some overnight layovers there. I'm also planning some extensive summer travel. It's been far too long since I've been to Europe so I'm getting ready to take another independent tour of the continent. London, Paris, Amsterdam, Venice, Rome, Munich...ah just think...I'll be jacking off in all of those places! (Romantic, isn't it?). I'll also be taking a road trip to visit my sister in Colorado and see some old friends in other parts of the country. All that along with my duties as president of our condo Board of Directors (which is taking up more of my time than I envisioned!) and trying to get into Kathy's pant...I mean establishing a warm personal relationship with Kathy will keep me more than occupied until the fall. I may get back to blogging then...or anytime things substantially improve in my social and/or sex life. I suspect that there will be some further updates in the life of the Horny Old Guy. I'm just not sure when they will come. Check back here once in a while if you'd care to.


I will truly miss blogging though and I'm sure there will be some withdrawal symptoms. I've looked forward to writing new posts bi-weekly and digging up some silly illustrations to go with them. I've greatly enjoyed the comments that I have received as well as the occasional e mail. I'd sincerely like to thank all of you people (including all you lurkers!) for reading this nonsense, especially those of you who came back time and time again and/or left comments. To the two lovely women who sent me nude pictures of yourself, you will forever have my gratitude! I wish all of you the very best! Until we meet again, enjoy your bodies and your lives! Thanks again for reading and goodbye for now!


P.S. I don't know if I ever mentioned it or not (LOL) but...

Friday, May 11, 2007

Sometimes I Wonder




Sometimes I wonder how much longer I will be "alive and kicking" (or in my case "alive and jerking!) on this sometimes strange, sometimes ugly but still wonderful planet. Even though I am in great health and still feel and act like a horny teenager much of the time I occasionally have to face the fact that I am 66 years old with 67 just a few short months away. Facing my own mortality is not something I dwell on you understand...but at my age (any age in fact!) you do have to remember that it ain't gonna' last forever! There just ain't no way to get out of this life alive that I know of! Actually I had that figured out at about six years of age but back then my sixties seemed so far, far away! My biggest surprise in life has definitely been how the years have flown by so quickly...and they still aren't slowing down! I'm now in the third and final act of this real life drama so I better make it good!



Sometimes I also wonder how good or bad my remaining years will be, romantically speaking. Will I find a compatible companion to spend them with or will I like so many elderly people be forced to live a solitary and sometimes lonely life. Being an optimist I tend to think that I will find another partner to live those final years with. It could possibly be my neighbor in m Kathy or it may be someone else I've yet to meet. Then again it might be nobody...only time will tell. Actually I don't mind living alone all that much. I've lived by myself more than I've been in relationships in my life and for the most part I've enjoyed it. Oh it would be nice to find the perfect relationship but I learned a long time ago that most people do not live like Ozzie and Harriett or the Cleaver family of "Leave It To Beaver" fame. There are few worse things in life than being in a miserable relationship. I do speak from experience there!


Sometimes I wonder if I will continue to be the horny bastard that I am today as I move into my 70's and 80's and if I'm lucky even into my 90's. Will I still be ogling the babes off and on the web and fantasizing about eating pussy and fucking and getting sucked off? Will I be getting any real poontang at all in my latter years or will my sex life be limited to compulsive jacking off as it is now? Or will I slowly lose interest in the sex game altogether and by then even Viagra won't help the old pecker stand at attention? I tend to think that I will stay still pretty much as I am which is one horny old son-of-a-bitch, at least for a good long while. I really believe in the old theory of "use it or lose it!" and God knows my old dong gets plenty of use!


I suppose that my biggest fear is that I will become immobile and/or senile and end up in a nursing home. Does anybody know if you are allowed to jack off in those goddamn places? Are you allowed to play "Hide the Salami" with the female residents if you both are ready and willing and still remember how to do it? Actually it's a minority of people who end up there and I intend to keep active mentally and physically and independent as long as possible. Meanwhile maybe somebody will come up with Viagra for the brain! Like the whole concept of my mortality, it's not something that I dwell on. Whatever will be, will be!


Sometimes I wonder more than anything else how long I can keep coming up with new ideas for this lame ass blog, especially since my social/sex life is currently in another state of limbo. I'll have more to say about that subject on my next post which by the way will be my 200th post and on the second anniversary of my first blog post next Wednesday. Until then you folks all take it one day at a time but remember it ain't gonna' last forever...and that even goes for you young whippersnappers! Remember also that it's still National Masturbation Month so y'all join in the festivities! Cheers!

Friday, May 04, 2007

Jacking Off...to Katie Couric?



Okay guys I have some bad news and some good news for you. The bad news is that I racked my brain and the best I could come up with for my "Celebrity Jack Off Fantasy of the Month" of May is Katie Couric (above). The good news is the runners up were Rosie O'Donnell and Hillary Clinton (below)...so it could have been MUCH worse!  Oh God I'm in a silly mood this morning!



Actually I was thinking about who to award this great honor to last night and Katie came on the TV reading the news. I thought to myself "I wouldn't mind fucking that babe!" (a common thought for me with all the TV news women with the possible exception of CNN's Candy Crowley!) and then the light went on in my ancient brain. Yes! Katie will be my Jack Off Fantasy for May! For my readers in foreign lands (both of you!) who are not familiar with Katie, she was the long time co-host of the "Today" show which has been a very popular morning news and entertainment program here in America for decades. In 2006 Katie became the first female solo anchor on one of our "big three" national network evening news programs (and good for her for that!)


Katie has always had that sort of "girl next door" quality to her. Perky and nice as well as very smart, the kind of gal you'd like for a sister or an aunt (no incest jokes please!) as well as for a girlfriend or wife. She was also known for her short skirts on the Today program which displayed those lovely legs to full advantage. She doesn't look bad in a bathing suit either, does she? Yeah Katie was and is a babe! She is also 50 years old so don't say that I ALWAYS choose the young women for my celebrity jack off inspiration. Most of the time? Yup! But not always! I'd play "Hide the Salami" with Katie any day...and I have about as much chance of doing that as I do in becoming the next husband of Britney Spears! My fantasies will set me free though! Katie you da' woman for the month of May!


There was a little controversy over a photograph released by the network when Katie started her news anchor gig last year. The CBS network apparently used Photoshop or some other image manipulation software to take about 80 pounds off of Katie for a publicity portrait. See the results above. Hmmmm...well if Katie can use Photoshop, so can yours truly the Horny Old Guy! The "slightly adjusted" picture of me below right might come in handy if I start getting involved in computer dating! Come to think of it I better forget it. I might get sued for false advertising if things progress the way I hope they will if you know what I mean and I think you do! Hey I told you I was in a silly mood this morning!



If you guys can't get too inspired by Katie just check out "celebrity" in my index/label column at the right side of my blog. I suspect you'll find LOTS of inspiration for jerkin' there! Whatever your inspiration don't forget to join in the festivities in celebrating National Masturbation Month with the Horny Old Guy. That goes for all of you lovely women too...pull out those Hitachi Magic Wands (or whatever!) and come (cum?) to the masturbation party with us! Enjoy your bodies...and the weekend! Bye bye for now!