Sunday, May 18, 2008

One Year Later...Still Kicking and Still Jerking!

In response to tons of e mail requests (well actually two of them) to update my lame ass blog and with nothing else to do on this hot spring afternoon except play with my dick I'm decided to do just that...update my blog that is! The playing with my dick will come later. I'm always surprised when I come back here and find that people are still visiting this goofy site and reading my incoherent babbling when I haven't made a new posting since May of last year. In fact I'm getting more hits now than I did when I was actively blogging! If you read my "farewell" post right below this one you'll see that I mentioned that I had some 85,000 hits then and now, just a year later I have over 220,000 hits! Likewise I had some 5700 views of my profile and now I have over 8000 views! "Who the hell are these people and haven't they got something better to do with their lives?" I wondered for months.

Thanks to an e mail from a long time reader I think I finally found an answer to that perplexing question. Most likely the Google Image search engine has quite a bit to do with my new found popularity. Do a Google image search for "National Masturbation Month" for instance and you'll see that several of the homemade images from this blog (like the one above, doing what I do best!) are right at the top of the list. Click on one of those images and you get a link this lame and goofy blog! Wow! I'm famous (sort of!) Welcome to all of you Image Googlers! If anything on this blog offends you you have my sincere apology. That'll teach you to click on those nasty pictures though! If anybody has a better explanation for my steadily increasing readership please let me know with a comment or an e mail.

So what has Mike the Horny Old Guy been up to for the last year? Well both a lot and not very much. I pretty much did all of the things I had planned to do when I quit blogging last year. Lots of travel included a long (and expensive!) trip to Europe. My project of restoring a vintage aircraft for a museum with some old friends took us well into the fall...and we still didn't get it finished. Work has resumed this spring although I'm not as involved as I was before. There was just way too much work and way too much driving back and forth to Sacramento for this old far...I mean retired gentleman. In retrospect though the project itself and the camaraderie with old friends had it's rewards and I have no regrets in getting involved. No such ambitious plans for this summer though. I think I'll just stay home and jack off!

Yeah I know what you are wondering! "So how is your sex life you horny old bastard?" I regret to say that it still pretty much sucks! "What else is new Mike?" is probably your response. I wish that I could say that I had slipped the salami to Kathy my lovely red headed condo neighbor or better yet that we were now living happily ever after but that is just not the case so I won't lie to you. Kathy apparently went back to her ex, damn the bad luck! We were on the condo Board of Directors and worked on projects together but she resigned and now I only see her driving through the complex once in a while, usually with some some dude young enough to be my son. Of course since I'm old enough to Kathy's father I suppose it's is quite appropriate that she be dating or living with someone her own age. He might be her ex or he might be a new boyfriend but it looks to me like they are definitely a live in couple. I haven't talked to her in months and am reasonably sure that the chances of getting in her panties, of burying my face and cock in that lovely but unseen red haired bush are for all practical purposes non existent. Now all I get from Kathy is a wave and a smile, not quite as appealing as the orgies I had envisioned in my jack off fantasies. Damn the bad luck!

Last fall I put a personals ad on Craigslist which as you probably know is a free regional on line classified bulletin board with a big dating and casual encounters section. I specified that I was a clean cut 67 year old gentleman (what are you laughing at?) interested in meeting women of any age for the purposes of cocksucking and pussy I really said just to get together for dinner and other social activities. I got about a dozen responses, mostly from women my age or older. A couple scared me off with their e mail responses alone. One obvious gold digger almost wanted a financial statement from me! After a few e mail exchanges a couple of others seemed like they belonged in a loony bin.

I went out with three women and although they were nice enough there just was no spark between us. We had virtually nothing in common. Two were in their mid 50's and one had just turned 60 although age had nothing to do with my rejection of them. Even though my recent relationships have been with somewhat younger women I having nothing at all against dating women my own age. Two of the women lived 50 miles away in Sacramento, the other even further, up in the Sierra foothills which was another negative factor. I'd had enough driving back and forth to Sacramento while working on my aircraft project. Maybe I gave up to soon but my experiences on Craigslist were not so good. No I didn't "get lucky" with any of the three of them nor did I even try to do so. probably a sure sign that I'm getting older and wiser!

I also flew to Florida early this year to meet someone who has posted nice comments on my blog regularly. She's a very nice woman but I think we would both agree that we got along better in cyberspace, even on the phone than we did in person. Please forgive me for that ill timed and clumsy pass I made at you Ms. C.T. Can we blame it on all the champagne? Probably not. There's not much more that I want to say about that little escapade except that it was just further evidence of the truthfulness of that old adage "There is no fool like an old fool!" Like I haven't been demonstrating that since I started blogging huh? Ms. C.T. if you are still reading this blog (which I sort of doubt) you are a class act and again I publicly apologize.

My travels, both domestic and foreign, were also pretty much of a bust in the romance and sex department not that I had any great hopes in that area. I met a few women along the way but it never got beyond casual conversation or lunch on a train traveling through Europe. As in my last European trip I was tempted by the whores in Amsterdam and Copenhagen and Munich but in today's dangerous world my whoring days are long over. I don't care how many condoms you put on me or how the prostitution business is regulated I just don't want to fuck a woman who even MIGHT have an STD, AIDS in particular! Nope I would rather just go back to my hotel and fantasize and jack off...and that's just what I did on my travels...night after night! (Romantic isn't it? LOL)

What this all boils down to is no poontang for over a year for the Horny Old Guy. Not an ideal situation by any means but as always with the help of my fantasies and my right hand I made it through the days and nights and and weeks and months! No nookie is no big deal for me since I've been alone much more than I've been in a relationship during my 67 (soon to be 68!) years. Jacking off still works now for me as well as it did when I was a horny teenager...well almost as well anyway! I don't dwell at all on my solitary existence nor am I looking for sympathy.

There are in fact great rewards to living alone and given a little time, after the pain of rejection subsides, I realize that after every relationship ends. I truly do value my independence even though I know that being in a committed relationship can even be more rewarding. My last sweetheart Marcella seems like ancient history to me now. Would I let her into my life or bed again? Uhhh...thinking of those sweet Sunday morning blow jobs...well HELL YEAH! That ain't gonna happen though. The last time I saw her she was engaged and her sweetie pie roommate Patty who I lusted after is married and pregnant. It's definitely time to forget about both of those babes now, except possibly in my masturbatory fantasies.

I do still miss regular blogging but as I compose this post I realize that it's also way too much work, especially when my social and sexual life is still in limbo. As I've asked before how many ways are there to say "Well I jacked off again last night!"? By now I think I've exhausted the possibilities. I still may get back to regular posts if and when things pick up in my sex life but for now it will be irregular posting at best. If nothing else maybe I'll do an annual update in this month of May, my blogging anniversary month and more importantly and appropriately National Masturbation Month. Y'all don't forget to join in the festivities, ya hear?

That's more than enough mental masturbation for now folks. Thanks to all my old friends and former readers who still stop by here occasionally and once again welcome to all of you newbies who are stumbling in here for the first time wondering "What the fuck is this?" I'm leaving the comments section on this post open. I'd really appreciate any comments (make them anonymously if you like) and as always I will respond to all e mail. For now, thanks to all of you for reading this nonsense! Enjoy your bodies and enjoy your life! Goodbye again for now!


Onania.Org/asm said...

Welcome back, Mike. I hope posting becomes a regular habit again (like your other one).

PS, OnaniaJournal is no more, but I've created a successor at Onania.Org/asm

Anonymous said...

Hey just discovered your blog and its a hoot man. It looks like i got lots of catching up to do. When I get your age I hope I as horny as you.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back Mike! We have missed you!

Another Senior Jerker

Mike Stewart said...

Thanks for those kind words and welcomes folks. Nice to see Richard is still writing about his and my passion at Oania.Org/asm. He's truly one of the masters of the great sport of masturbation!

Paul nice to see you are still around too. Drop me a line with your new addy if you will.

Anonymous dude if you want to me as horny as me as an old fart you have to keep in practice if you know what I mean and I think you do. I firmly believe in that old saying "Use it or lose it!" and God knows I've used mine through the years!

Mr Manic Depressive said...


Good to see a new post. As usual, I'm late to the party but glad I'm here. Hey man, come back to the dark side and write again, PLEASE!

DemuRe said...

Oh thank you for your comment. I'm flattered. I'll have to see what you're all about. In the meantime, I'll link your blog to mine.
The one and only,

DemuRe said...

Heya I read your stuff. It was an interesting read. Why don't you publish a book? I mean seriously.. make a little cash from your wanking. I've updated since you last read. Take a gander.

Mike Stewart said...

Mr M/D thanks so much for stopping by again. If and when my social/sex life improves I'll probably get back to regular posting. Until then it will probably be irregular at best. I think I've exhausted the subject of my compulsive jacking off by now.

Ms. DemuRe you sweet thing thanks for those kind words. Me write a book? Nah, don't think so dear! Not with my sophomoric writing skills. The nice thing about blogging is that any jerkoff (like me) can do it! Hey you got a cool blog yourself!!! Check it out people!

Ling said...

Hi from S'pore! I stumbled on your blog while doing a search for a local blog "confessions of a horny bitch" and I must say, your site is pretty unique albeit in a risque way :-)! You should keep posting cos' you have a good entertaining writing style and there is always a story in our lives, whether in a dry spell or not...

Mike Stewart said...

Thanks for those kind words Ling! Wow are you even able to read smut like this in Singapore? I guess as long as the government is not watching huh? When I was there a few years ago I was amazed that even shots of bare titties were cut out of American and other foreign movies. Porn? Forget it! It was sort of like the USA in the 1950's. A lovely, clean and a safe place though...and those lovely Singapore women gave me plenty of inspiration to practice my "hobby" while there. it legal to masturbate or did I violate another law? Anyway I loved my visit! Cheers!

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog and am really enjoying it so far. It's good to know there are others just as horny as me out there. I too am really into handjobs and have been lucky enough to have received plenty over the years.

I have been married and am now in a new, highly sexual relationship but still find time to masturbate. I have MS which leaves me fatigued a lot but masturbation is so much fun so i will never stop!

I enjoy your frankness regarding incest, i have never indulged but it has been a jek off fantasy. Several years ago my half sister told me she had seen me masturbate. She went on to tell me she loves watching her boyfriends masturbate, the cionversation made me hot but I knew I could not have a sexual relationship with my sis.She seemed quite keen to watch me again but I did the sensible thing and backed out. However, I still think about what may have happened bbut I am glad nothing happened.

Keep up this great blog! Please post some on your blog.

Katie said...

Mike, please dont leave us now... i nearly finished reading your blog and i really love it.. lol

You gave me some new inspiration to live... dunno how lol,

i agrre with some of the comments of writing a book, it will actually make a good book... =)

Mike Stewart said...

Thanks for those kind words Mr. Anonymous and Ms. Katie! Keep on jerkin' Mr. Anonymous! We agree it's truly one of the joys of life!

At my age I'm delighted to give anyone inspiration for anything Katie darlin'! As far as writing a book...nah I have no talent for professional writing. The nice thing about blogging is that any dummy (even me!) can do it! Composing intelligent and coherent paragraphs is not a prerequisite! Thanks again!

Steve said...

Reading your blog reminds me of the wanker Richard videos (google the guy he is a hoot) - Steve (