Monday, December 21, 2009

Christmas 2009...Life is Good!

Jesus Christ! I don't believe it! There is somebody out there even more horny than me...and it's Tiger Fucking Woods!!! Who would have thunk? You da' man Tiger! Actually you're an ASSHOLE! You didn't even use condoms when you fucked some of those sluts! Adultery is bad enough but to not practice safe sex in this day and age, especially for a married man, is absolutely unforgivable! If you really needed something on the side you should have just stayed home and jacked off like me! Yeah I know...that old saying that "a stiff prick has no conscience"! Truer words were never spoken but you're still an ASSHOLE Tiger, in fact you are ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR for 2009! I hope your fucking golfing career is over! I strongly suspect that your days and nights of fucking your hot Swedish wife are deservingly over!  (End of Rant!)

A year ago in my Christmas 2008 post (since deleted)I was crying in my beer over my bad case of lack-a-nookie (not getting laid!) and pondering whether I was ever to have the pleasure of eating pussy, having a nice juicy blow job performed on my ancient but still functioning pecker or playing "Hide the Salami" with a willing babe again. I was starting to envision myself finishing up my time on earth still jacking off in a nursing home. At age 68 (69 now) thoughts like that do occur to you from time to time although in fact I've been well aware of my own mortality since I was about six years old. Back then the end of the road seemed so far away though! Now even though I'm in extremely good health...well who knows when I'll "blast off" for the last time?

What a difference a year makes though! In January I met a lovely 52 (53 now) year old blond woman named Diane in a Southwest Airlines boarding gate lounge in Denver. You can read about that in the post right below this one. It took until Easter weekend to "get back in the saddle", that is have sex with Diane but since then things just keep getting better and better, sexually and every other way! I'm in love and in lust and I couldn't be happier! Life is good again for the Horny Old Guy! Not that I wasn't fairly content when it was just me and my dick and my fantasies you understand but being in a wonderful relationship is just soooo much more rewarding and with such great fringe benefits, getting my weenie sucked regularly being only one of them!

Diane is in Colorado visiting her family and friends for the Christmas and New Year's holidays just as she did last year right before we met. She seems to be getting real serious about moving back to Colorado for good after this school year. She misses her family (parents, daughter, granddaughter) very much and would like to finish up her teaching career (working 6 or 7 more years I believe) where she started it, in her home town of Colorado Springs or somewhere close by. She came out to California when her ex hubby got transferred out here and although she loves California she loves Colorado even more. I can understand that but that could cause some big problems for our relationship, maybe even bring an end to it. Not that I'm absolutely tied down here you understand. I'm retired of course and with my only sister living in Denver and my seldom seen daughter in Oregon a move isn't out of the question for me...and yet I've lived in California all of my life, have lots of friends here and enjoy the climate and all things there are to do here. Cold Colorado winters are not my idea of fun either!

I wouldn't mind getting out of Stockton at all though. It's a rather unappealing city (okay it's a dump!) which I have never been overly fond of. I've hinted to Diane that we should buy a house in the foothills of the Sierras, eighty miles from Stockton where she now lives and teaches. I love that area and could easily spend the rest of my life there, especially with Diane at my side. However she's really got Colorado on her mind now and I don't think I can change her mind about moving back. The clock is ticking and we're both going to have to make some big time decisions about the future of our relationship in the next few months. While Diane is in Colorado now and I have nothing much else to do but lay around the house and play with my weenie I'm going to try to begin to give it some serious thought. That's really the purpose of this lame blog at least get me to start thinking about it!

The "m" word (marriage) really hasn't been put on the table yet and that's a subject that somewhat scares me. It's been a LONG time since I've been a serious committed relationship, even a longer time (over 30 years!) since I've been married. I've since become somewhat of a loner and very appreciative of my independence. Up until now this relationship with Diane, just like my last relationship with my Filipino princess Marcella, has pretty much been a weekend only thingy. I love the weekends with Diane for the companionship as well as the sex but I also love my time alone during the week. It's hard to explain but I miss Diane during the week and at the same time love the time by myself. Go figure! And yet...and the ripe old age of 69 (70 next summer!) if I'm not now ready to settle down with a companion (who I truly do love!) I will never be! Living together is of course an option but Diane's parents (who I've already met along with the rest of her family) are rather conservative and I'm sure they would rather we be married. I suspect Diane's choice would be the same. There are also some financial implications (primarily medical and retirement) that favor marriage over living together for both of us too. Oh this is all too much to contemplate at this late hour! I'll think about it tomorrow...or the day after!

So here I am alone once again at Christmas time! No big deal since in recent years that's been the rule rather than the exception. Diane and I celebrated Christmas yesterday (December 19th) and this morning I drove her to the Sacramento airport for her flight to Colorado. Since we've exchanged Christmas presents that means my Christmas shopping is over! Thank you Jesus for that! I've also sent out my Christmas cards and have sent packages to my daughter Jennie in Oregon and my sister Karen in Colorado. Nothing much to do this week but stay away from the freaking mall and relax. I've got plenty of time for jerking off both literally and figuratively!

By the way just because I'm in a relationship I haven't lost my passion for masturbation! Jerking off still gets me through the week while Diane is living and working 80 miles away. Our separations are sometimes a couple of weeks long like right now and when she has other things to do (she's an artist as well as a teacher and does quite a few art shows) on her weekends. Yup jacking off still gets me through the solitary days and nights and feels just as good as it did when I was a horny teenager! Well ALMOST as good anyway!

Enough of this nonsense for now. I realize most of my regular readers (both of them!) are long gone but to anybody who stumbles on this post I thank you for reading and wish you the best of happy holidays. May you have a Merry Christmas and a prosperous, happy and sex filled 2010! I'll be back later in that year to tell you how our relationship is progressing. I feel extremely optimistic that this one is going to have a happy ending but I have been wrong before...many, many times before! Who knows what my crystal ball really holds this year besides lots more jacking off for me? Keep your fingers and anything else you have crossed for the Horny Old Guy. Thanks again for reading this crap! Bye for now!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Back in the Saddle...And It's About Time!

To paraphrase an old Fats Domino song...Hey it's me and I'm fucking again! Believe it or not my 2+ years of getting sexual relief only from my right hand came to an end on Easter weekend. Since there is hardly anybody out there reading this lame ass blog anymore (and I fully understand that!) I'll try to make this brief but I just feel like I should share the good news and put my jubilation in writing! There is more than just sex involved here too. From the very beginning I've had the feeling that this might be a long term relationship, maybe the one I've been looking for for a long, long time! It's early though and only time will tell about that. I've been right where I am now many times before, going back to my first love in high school, a sweet young girl named Vicki. I thought for sure we were going to get married and live happily ever after, just like Ozzie and Harriett and Lucy and Desi on our 1950's TV set. Alas Vicki dumped me for a jock before I even graduated! I had similar optimistic feelings at the beginning of both of my marriages and several other relationships along the way too. Unfortunately all of those love fests fizzled out, some much more quickly than others and for a variety of reasons. I'm too much of a realist now to make any lifelong hearts and roses predictions...and yet...and yet I've got a very good feeling about this one!

My new sweetie's name is Diane. She's an elementary school teacher and artist who lives about 80 miles away in a medium sized town which I better not name to protect her identity. With my luck one of the two people reading this blog would live next door to her or teach at the same school! Diane is a tall, very attractive blond. She's been married once, divorced for the last seven years, 52 years old but looks more like mid thirties, very energetic and athletic, has a great sense of humor and is several times smarter than me. I met her in January in a Southwest Airlines boarding gate lounge at the Denver airport. I had been in Denver visiting my sister Karen and her family and Diane was coming from Colorado Springs where she's got family. I noticed her immediately when she came into the seating area and was pleased when she sat down next to me, probably only because it was one of the few seats left. She actually initiated the conversation, asking me if I heard any recent announcements about our weather delayed flight. We were both going to Sacramento with a change of planes in Las Vegas.

We got to chatting, initially about how miserable air travel is nowadays and one thing led to another and we were soon telling each other all about our lives. Have you ever noticed how travelers will frequently open up to fellow travelers more than they normally would to next door neighbors or even to close friends? No I didn't mention what my favorite hobby (jerking off) is you silly! Our plane turned out to be over two hours late so we went for coffee, walked around and chatted some more to kill the time. On Southwest you don't get assigned seats so it was natural for us to sit next to each other on the plane and continue our conversation. We had a very quick layover in Las Vegas due to our late flight out of Denver and we sat together again on the flight from Vegas to Sacramento. By the time we got off the plane I felt like I had known her six months! We had a late dinner at an airport restaurant in Sacramento, exchanged e mail addresses (no phone numbers) said goodbye and went in separate directions to our homes.

Diane didn't tell me her age that day and thinking she was MUCH younger than myself I really didn't think a romance was in our future. I was however highly turned on by her and when I got home the first thing I did in bed was...oh you know...jacked off to thoughts and fantasies of her. I e mailed her the next day telling her how much I enjoyed meeting and talking to her and she immediately e mailed back and said likewise. Soon we were e mailing each other several times a week, still no phone numbers though. That went on for about a month and a half then I found an excuse to go to a Sacramento which is closer to her city. I asked her if she would like to go out to dinner that Saturday night in her town. She responded by e mail saying she would love to do that and gave me her phone number! With thoughts of finally getting laid again running through my ancient brain my cock was throbbing in my pants like a horny teenager as I talked with Diane for the first time on the phone and finalized our dinner date.

All I got on that first night was some hugging and kissing on her living room couch, not that I didn't enjoy that! When I put my hand on her breast she stopped me and told me she wasn't ready to get involved in a new sexual relationship yet. Damn the bad luck! Just like when I was a teenager over fifty fucking years ago and many times thereafter... the date ended with a trip home with sore nuts and a late night jack off session in my own bed. Some things never change! However a couple of days later Diane mentioned to me on the phone that we both should probably have STD tests. Of course that could only mean one thing...Diane was ready and willing to fuck! It's hard to argue with a request for an STD test request nowadays! I told you Diane was a smart woman! I've been a good boy since Marcy and I broke up so I was reasonably sure that I could and would easily pass that test...and I did just that. Eating pussy, getting my weenie sucked and fucking was now just around the corner!

Easter weekend was our second "date" and this time we went to Lake Tahoe for the three day weekend, Friday to Sunday. By then Diane had also had a negative STD tests and when I asked her if she wanted two queen beds of one king bed in our hotel room she said "One king is okay with me!" "Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus!" thought the Horny Old Guy, feeling that familiar rising in his shorts! Yup that weekend turned out to be when I finally "got lucky" with Diane for the first time, two lovely nights in a hotel at the lake and Sunday night in Diane's bed in her house. Three nights of eating pussy, getting my weenie sucked and fucking! Can you say "pussy whipped" dude? Ah nothing like being away from sex for a while to make you realize what you've missed. I'm happy to say that I didn't even need my Viagra which I had packed for insurance just in case! Since that wonderful weekend there have been two weekend trips to Diane's place and one weekend visit by her to my place. The only weekend we've missed is when she had a seminar to attend out of town. She's coming here next weekend and on Memorial Day weekend we're going back to Lake Tahoe for another lovely and I'm sure sex filled weekend. Life is good again!

There is of course the distance thing that makes this geographically speaking somewhat less than an ideal romance. There are 80 miles between our homes, 160 miles for a round trip, which pretty much means weekends only at least until Diane's school gets out for the summer. There is also the fact that Diane is from Colorado and since her family (parents, grown daughter, one grandchild) are still there she would like to move back there. She moved to California with her ex hubby when his work brought him out here after their daughter was raised in Colorado. She likes California but misses her family and old friends and wants to go back to where she was raised, possibly as soon as the end of the school year next year. Then I'm also not quite sure if Diane feels the same passion for me that I do for her. I think she does...but I'm still not sure. We'll have to see what develops in the upcoming weeks and months and see whether our romance blossoms or fades. Like I said before I think this is the start of something very good but for now I'm just going to relax and enjoy it day by day.

I'll let you (both of you!) know what happens but I won't be blogging that much about Diane. I've pretty much shot my wad on blogging. Besides I found out with my last romance with Marcy that there was a good amount of guilt on my part regarding "fuck and tell" or more accurately "fuck and blog". I also worried, maybe without foundation, that Marcy would somehow stumble on my blog which would not have been a good thing. Knowing Diane as I do it would be even less of a good thing with her. I was pleased to find out early on in an e mail that she was an advocate of masturbation but I don't think she would appreciate a blow-by-blow description or even a mention of our intimate moments in a blog. She also doesn't know that I am not only an advocate but the self proclaimed "King of Masturbation" who has let it all hang out (in more ways than one!) in my own X rated blog! This time I'm just going to try to resist the temptation to blab about our sex life on line. All I can tell you is so far that's it's been SUPER! End of least for now.

I'll be back at some time in the future with an update of how things are going with this new romance but I'm not sure when. Don't forget that May is National Masturbation Month so y'all join in the festivities, ya' hear? Since this romance is basically a weekend only thing, at least so far, I'm still doing my part to celebrate the month during the week you know. I could never give up jacking off completely any more than I could give up breathing. It's just too damn much fun you know! I'm definitely whacking off a bit less now but possibly even enjoying it even more since Diane had made me so horny even when she's not here. Thanks for reading, have a great and sex fulled summer!

Friday, March 06, 2009

Oh My God! They're Playing My Song!

Having little to do these days but twiddle my thumbs and play with my weenie I decided to put together a montage of graphics from my web site and still pictures I got from Google Image Search and combine them with a silly song I got from the web which deals with my favorite solitary activity. I wanted to post it on YouTube so I had to keep it fairly clean since YouTube prohibits full frontal nudity and explicit sex. I think it turned out reasonably well and have decided to embed it in my blog for your viewing pleasure. I hope you get a few chuckles out of it. No that fat bastard in the video is NOT me and I sure hope whoever he is he doesn't decide to sue me! You will see a slightly disguised and censored peek at me in the video if you look close.

You can see a more explicit version of this video (without the fat man and Imelda Marcos as the Filipino whore LOL) I posted on X Tube HERE.

I see that you now have to go through a "Content Warning" to enter this blog. According to Blogger "Some readers of this blog have contacted Google because they believe this blog's content is objectionable." Wow! I don't understand why people would think that, do you?  Anyway this procedure has apparently taken all of my nasty pictures and graphics out of the Google image search engine which in turn has cut the visitors to my blog WAY down. I was actually getting 10,000 visitors and over 20,000 hits a month from all over the world for a while even though this lame ass blog has been basically dead for almost two years. I now have a mere fraction of those numbers, down by about 80 per cent I think. I guess this means no more Eskimos or Ubangis will be jacking off to my nude pictures of Kate Winslet or Drew Barrymore. Sayonara to all you kamikaze meat beaters in Japan, Auf Wiedersehen  to all you sausage massagers in Germany and Bonjour to all you pussy eaters in France! Oh newfound international popularity was nice while it lasted!

In other news I've recently met someone of the female variety and have the feeling that I soon might be "getting lucky" soon again if you know what I mean and I think you do. It's still early and only time will tell as to whether the Horny Old Guy will soon be "back in the saddle" but I've got a good feeling about it. Keep your fingers and anything else you've got crossed for me. More about this soon...I hope! Meanwhile there is nothing for me to do but prepare for another "Saturday Night Jack Off" like old Fat Boy in my YouTube video! Thanks for stopping by!