Sunday, June 27, 2010

Okay This REALLY Is My Last Post!

Yup it's all true folks! Click on the above image to enlarge text and read all about it!

Hmmm...there are some people in Stockton who are not too sad to see the Horny Old Guy depart their fair city! Oh can't please them all!

Yeah I know I said I was through with blogging three years ago and looking at the few lame ass posts I've made since I probably should have been through. This time I really mean it though! Yours truly the Horny Old Guy is now a happily married man and in just a very few short days will be living with his lovely new bride Diane in the great state of Colorado! As a faithful married man there is absolutely no way that I can continue to babble on about lusting after every babe I see and spending most of my free time fantasizing about those babes and jacking off to them. Diane of course doesn't know about my cyberspace Horny Old Guy persona and knowing her as I now do I can guarantee you that she would NOT be amused if she stumbled on this X rated blog! I also feel extremely guilty about blogging about her and us and our sex life behind her back now that we are married so it's time for the Horny Old Guy to zip up his fly and disappear into cyberspace. It's time for him to concentrate on being a good husband in a brand new state. Since so few people wander into this semi-dead blog nowadays it's probably just as well that I take a hike!

Saturday May 29, 2010 was "a day that will live in infamy!" That was the day that I got married to my sweetie Diane in a funky wedding chapel in downtown Reno, Nevada. About the only good thing that I can say about the wedding ceremony was that it was quickly over and with few witnesses to the deed! Thank God Diane didn't want a church wedding back in Colorado as I initially feared she might! My second marriage was in a church and I absolutely hated every minute of it! Hell I don't even like to go to other people's weddings, let alone participate in one of my own! Diane favored marriage over living together though and so did her straight laced family back home. There are some financial benefits for both of us to us being married too....soooo after giving the matter some very serious consideration I popped the question on Easter weekend and Diane immediately accepted.

There was lots of apprehension and nervousness and yeah even some second thoughts after the proposal and right up to the wedding day though! I'm about to turn 70 years of age (HELP!) very soon and haven't been a husband since my 30's. Both of my two marriages ended in divorce and even though I've had numerous short and long term relationships since that second divorce all of those relationships would also be eventually doomed to fail! I was not at all sure that I was good marriage material and did (and still do!) truly value my independent lifestyle. The Reno wedding chapel with slot machines in the parlor didn't exactly ease my nervous mind and when I saw that the hired gun minister was sort of tipsy I felt like heading for the Greyhound bus depot and catching the first bus to anywhere! Somehow I made it through the ceremony though. Diane and I as well as our witness, Diane's best friend Sandra, all had trouble keeping straight faces because in addition to being tipsy this "man of the cloth" spoke sort of funny! It was only after we left the chapel and headed back to our hotel/casino that I started feeling very comfortable and happy about being married and I've felt that way ever since.

Diane and I did what people have always done on their wedding night,,,fucked our brains out! All that wine and champagne we drank earlier in the evening gave both of us quite a buzz and the sex was better than ever! I got a little bit of an extra rush knowing that Diane's friend Sandra was in the adjoining room. Sandra is a babe and yeah some fantasies of a threesome were creeping into my dirty mind even on our wedding night! Diane who like my former sweetie Marcella gets very vocal during orgasms no doubt wished that Sandra would have been on a different floor or better yet in a different hotel. The amused look on Sandra's face the next morning (actually the next afternoon!) made me think that she had got an earful during the night! I certainly hope so!

After the wedding we came back to our respective homes for a couple of days and then drove to San Francisco where we spent the night. The following morning we flew to Honolulu for a brief five day honeymoon! We had a great time in Hawaii, spent much more time in the sack than in the sun but fucking is what honeymoons are for aren't they? Then it was back to our own homes again to start preparing and packing for our move to Colorado at the end of this month. Diane is from Colorado, has her entire family there and had planned to move back there with or without me after this school year (she's an elementary school teacher).

As a native Californian with lots of friends here the prospect of moving to another state was as potentially traumatic as getting married but I've warmed to the idea and am now actually looking forward to getting out of this rather lackluster city called Stockton. Our local cops in an effort to get a better contract and higher pay have recently posted signs around town saying "Welcome to Stockton, the Second Most Dangerous City in California!" With California (also known as Northern Mexico) in general going steadily down the toilet I came to the conclusion that it's about time for the Horny Old Guy to get out of state as well as out of town. Will Colorado ultimately be as crazy? I don't know but I'm about to find out!

So it's off to Colorado and a new life with a new wife...and I'm truly becoming increasingly excited and optimistic about that whole scenario! Wednesday June 30 is our official moving day. Diane has better furniture so we are taking most of that which along with her other belongings will be moved by a professional mover. I'm loading all of my "stuff" in a U-Haul a trailer which I will tow to our new home. Diane will be driving her own car, following me and the trailer. It looks like a two day road trip starting out on the morning of June 30. We hope to be in our new apartment in Colorado Springs by the evening of July 1. The apartment will just be our temporary home. We want to start looking for a house to buy immediately and hopefully settled in before Diane (hopefully again) starts her new teaching job in September. It's going to be one busy summer for both of us!

Since our marriage four weeks ago we've spent about half of the time in our own homes packing and preparing to move so I really haven't become accustomed to what will be the new norm for the Horny Old Guy...having a live in companion...a WIFE 24/7! There of course will be some big changes in my lifestyle ahead! More specifically there will be less being the Horny Old Guy, less time for ogling the babes on and off line, and sadly less time and privacy for fantasizing about those babes and jacking off to those fantasies. Damn the bad luck! Once the school year starts though I will have more of my much needed time alone, at least during the daytime hours when Diane is at work teaching. Both me and my ancient but still functioning senior citizen dong are already looking forward to that!

Am I going to be giving up jacking off altogether? You've got to be fucking kidding! I'd no more give up beating my meat than I would give up breathing or eating! Jacking off has been a passion of mine since I first discovered it even before puberty. There is no way that I could ever stop jacking off! Diane knows this and accepts it I think. As much as I enjoy eating pussy, getting my cock sucked and fucking (and there obviously will be MUCH more of those fun activities from now on!) I still need privacy and time to practice and enjoy my favorite "hobby" if you know what I mean and I think you do! I suppose I'll have to be a little more more sitting here naked at the computer surfing porn and jerking off to " " least when Diane is in the same room! As long as there are locks on the bathroom door I think I'll find private time to sit on the crapper and spank the old (and I do mean OLD!) monkey though! Jerking off in the shower just as Kevin Spacey did in the movie "American Pie" is another possibility! The bathroom worked pretty well as a private place of masturbatory pleasure when I was a horny teenager and I'm quite sure that it will still serve that purpose once again just fine!

By the way Diane has already told me that she also has no intention of throwing out her Hitachi Magic Wand or that other vibe gizmo she bought after hearing about it on Oprah (she still prefers the Hitachi!). We've talked about masturbation quite a bit and Diane has an extremely healthy and positive view of it. Just as it has been for me, it has been a good friend of hers during solitary times in her life. There definitely will be less masturbation for each of us but it will remain an important part of both of our lives! As far as my ogling and fantasizing about the other babes...well what Diane doesn't know about won't hurt her! Hey I don't care if she fantasizes about Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp or Robert Redford or anybody else when I'm slipping the big salami to her or at any other time. I just don't want to hear about it! My own sexual fantasies combined with masturbation will remain private but they will definitely continue!

So that's about it for the Horny Old Guy in the wonderful world of blogging! I'm about to assume a new persona as a senior citizen married horndog in Colorado! Goodbye to my native California and of all my friends here, goodbye to Blogger and goodbye to all of my loyal readers (both of you) who over the last 5 years have put up with my incoherent babbling. If I've given you a chuckle or two I'm happy. If I've offended you in any way including with my poor writing skills, I'm sincerely sorry...but thanks to all so much for reading this crap! Horny Old Married Guy is now hitting the trail for Colorado where he and his sweetie Diane will hopefully live happily ever after! Best wishes for the same to all of you!

P.S. I'm going to leave this blog up indefinitely. Feel free to leave comments on this post or e mail me anytime. I'll always try to give you a timely response. Thanks again for reading and goodbye for now! Horny Old Guy has left the building...and the state...and the cyberspace


Horny Old Guy Lives! In response to a flood of e mail inquiries (actually two of them!) I'm happy to report that I'm still kicking and still wanking! It's been three years since I made the post above and oh my God does time continue to fly by! I'm still in Colorado, still married to my lovely bride of three years Diane (who said it would never last?) and at the ripe old age of 72 (almost 73) quite possibly more content than I've ever been in my life! Diane is still teaching but plans on retiring at the end of the next school year, one year from now. We've already got an around the world cruise planned to celebrate her retirement. Life in every respect (sex definitely included!) is better than's great! I wish it could go on forever but I know it can't! I take it one day at a time and try to enjoy each day to the fullest!

Since I still get 200-300 hits a day (who are these people?) I've been going through this blog, updating lots of the graphics and correcting some of the grammatical errors as well as formatting it in a new template. I have no interest in resuming posting though. Diane still doesn't know about this blog and out of respect for her there is no way I could or would post intimate details about our life behind her back. Leaving her out wouldn't work for me either since she is so much a part of my life now.  Needless to say I'm also not looking for poontang any more. Oh yeah I still ogle the babes, fantasize about fucking them and jack off to them but in real life I'm a monogamous old fart who has completely "shot my wad" in the extra martial sex arena as well as the blogging world! I even go to church with Diane once in a while? Who would have thought?

Cheers to all! Horny Old Guy is now crawling back into deep cyberspace!


DanO aka Mr Manic Depressive said...


Good luck to you and your lovely bride. I'll miss your wit and humor. Have fun in Colorado and best wishes to you and Diane.

Margot said...

Mike the girls at the phone company will sincerely miss you. Congrats and lots of luck in Colorado with the lucky new bride. Please keep blogging as well as doing that other guy thing you do. lol

Hugs from

Gabby says she loves your you know what haha

Mike Stewart said...

Thanks so much DanO aka Mr M/D and thanks again for your previous kind words on my past blog posts. After a month I'm starting to get used to being a citizen of Colorado and a full time married guy again. I like being both! My bride's healthy sexual appetite as well as my lack of privacy has limited my opportunities to engage in my favorite solitary activity but I guess you could say I'm jacking off less but enjoying it more! Life is good! My best to you and your lovely wife!

Margot, Lisa and Gabby! Thank you too! I thought I'd lost you a couple of years ago! Hope things are continuing to go well downtown! Too bad we never had the chance to meet! Tell Gabby thanks about loving my you know what but where was she when me and my you know what really needed her (sigh)? Cheers girls and bye bye!

Anonymous said...


Rita said...

I like your sense of humor and that other thing you got too. Please come back and entertain us some more.

Anonymous said...

Mike, I stumbled upon your blog, it's great!! You should win a "Pud-litzer Prize". We are about the same age we have a lot in common. Love of wanking, blow jobs, and an endless search for pussy. I too have fond memories of the Mustang ranch. When I get the chance I'll share a story or two.

Denver Dowg (dirty old white guy)

Anonymous said...

Part !: Mike, It's strange, but in looking back of over 50 years of sexual experiences, there are certain occasions that are unforgettable. First wet climax, first lay, first blow job, first 3sum and other truly remember able encounters. The most powerful orgasm of my life happened in 1964. I was in route to Korea as a brand new 2nd Lt. We had a 30 hr layover at Kishine Barracks, Yokohama before departing for Kimpo Korea. After checking into my room, I picked up a 12 hr pass and exchanged green back for yen. A bunch of us caught the bullet train to Tokyo. I paired up with another 2nd Lt, he had the same goal as myself, getting our horns trimmed back!! We got off the train at the Ginza stop and stepped into a sea of scurrying humanity. We got tempura shrimp to eat and a couple of beers at a open air corner restaurant, and then continued strolling the Ginza. We were wandering around and with no idea were to go to get our rocks off. A Japanese man approached and asked if we wanted ichi ban (number one) massagee. We looked at each other and said what the hell, OK. He hailed a taxi and we were off. Riding in the back seat of that cab was like being in the backseat of a WWII Kamikazi, zipping in and out of traffic!! Then we were going down side streets and finally stopped at a store front with a neon sign that we couldn't read. Inside we were greeted by a Mama San and she started talking to our guide (polite word for pimp). He turned and told us how much yen. It was the equivalent to about $20. Two young Japanese girls came out in kimonos and led us by the hand to separate rooms. The room was about 10 ft sq and completely tiled. In one corner there was a square tub with high sides, big enough for one person. There was a floor drain and a 3 legged stool in the middle of the room. She started the water in the tub. She took off her kimono and hung it up. She was wearing a white bra and panties. She then helped me take off my uniform and underwear. She folded my clothes and placed them in a basket. There I am standing bare ass naked with no idea of were in the hell I was and wondering what's going to happen next. She spoke a few words of broken English and I know about 4 words of Japanese, so it was all gesturing to communicate. She indicated for me to sit on the stool, so I sat down, my knees were spread and my junk was hanging down over the edge of the stool. She went to the tub with a plastic bucket and dipped it into the filled tub and slowly poured the hot water over me to wet me down. She lathered up a hand cloth and started to vigorously scrub my body. My cock slowly rose to half mast as she washed my legs, her hand would sometimes bump into my balls and cock that sent a shiver through me. I was so fucking horny, I couldn't stand it. I put my hand on her ass and she pushed it aside. I tried to squeeze her B cup and she brushed that off. When I hooked a couple of fingers in the band of her panties, I said dozo, dozo (please, please! - 1 of the 4 Japanese words I know). She stopped, looked at me and said hi (yes) and slipped both bra and panties off. She had small but firm tities. Her aureole was the size of a nickle and her nipples the size of the first joint of my little finger. They were a pinkish brown and I couldn't keep my mouth off them. After a few moments she pulled away and continued the scrubbing. Her bush was the size of a playing card, tapered at the bottom. Her pubic hair was straight and looked like it was brushed from the sides to the center to form a peak. I put my hand on her pussy and tried to insert a finger, she quickly pulled away and said NO, NO. I didn't try that again and decided to enjoy the bath. Denver Dowg;

Anonymous said...

Part 2: She worked around to my back and firmly scrubbed the hell out of my shoulders, back and the top of my butt cheeks. She soaped the cloth up again, had me stand to a crouch and she proceeded to wash my ass. She even inserted the wash cloth and tip of her finger into my asshole. My cock just vibrated when she did this. After this was done, I sat back down. She discarded the wash cloth and took the soap and squatted between my legs and began to wash the privates with her bare hands. Needless to say my erection was huge. It felt like the skin on the head of dick was going to split open!! She the started a jacking motion and looked up at me and said OK! I nodded my head yes in desperation. She stopped, got up, got a bucket of water, and sloshed the soap off my cock. She then got a bottle that contained a green liquid, squatted again between by legs. She squirted the green stuff on my cock and in her hand. I don't know what it was. It didn't suds up like soap but it was slicker than baby snot!! She firmly and slowly, stoked me. I looked down at her, her small bobbies were bouncing and she stared intensely at the boner in her hand. She sensed that I was getting close. She slipped her left hand, Palm up, under my balls sun until she could reach my asshole with her finger. She then started to rapidly flick the tip of her finger back and forth across my asshole. The sensation was unbelievable (in years since, I have done the finger flick when going down town on pussies with great results). At the same time she increased the squeeze of her hand on my cock and doubled the speed of the jacking strokes. I was absolutely helpless. I erupted into the strongest, most power ejaculation of my life. My prostrate spasmed so hard, it felt like I was going to shoot it out end of my dick!!! Streams of cum shot straight up and above my head. When I finished cumming I had my jizz in my hair and on my face. She gigged with enjoyment, proud of her skill. She took a fresh cloth and cleaned my face, hair and cock. Sitting there on the stool catching my breath, I suddenly realize that I had to take a huge racehorse wizz!! I held my dick and waved it and said "pee, pee"? She stepped behind me, reached around my side, grabbed my relaxed penis and said, "OK pee"! I let lose a stream and she played fireman, she guided my piss on top of the drain and made circles until my bladder was empty. She even made the mandatory shakes to get rid of the final drops! She poured some water over the drain. After that she took my hand and led me to the tub. After I had gingerly gotten in, she put her undies on and pulled the stool next to the tub. She took a small towel, dipped it the water and folded it across my head. I sat there with my head back and in a state of total bliss from the steam and heat of the bath. I sensed she had left the room but I didn't move. I awoke to her pulling the plug from the tub. She took the towel off my head and helped me stand up and step out of the tub on very wobbly legs. She was now in her kimino and drying me off with a towel. When I was dry she held out a thin cotton kimono for me to put on. She picked up the basket with my clothes and led me out. She led me down the hall to a raised room with about two or three steps up. She slid the rice paper door back and lifted the basket up into the room. An old man in a kimono took the basket of clothes and set it aside. as I climbed up the few steps, I saw my buddy in a kimono laying face down on the tatami. Another old man was seated facing him and he was pounding the shit out of his back side. I laid down on my stomach and proceeded to receive one hell of a massage. When the old man finished the massage we both got dressed and went to the front area. Our guide had waited for us to finish. We told him we needed to catch the train back to Yokohama. Mama san made a phone call and soon another kamakazi cab was at the curb. Denver Dowg

Anonymous said...

Part 3: Before we got in the cab our guide held out his hand and said "tip dozo". We gave him $10 worth of yen each and he step aside and we got into the cab. He stuck his head in the widow and told the driver were to go. I asked my buddy "how was it", "great", he said "me too". Next day we flew out to Kimpo and thus began the greatest year of my life as far sex was concerned!!
Footnote: Five years to the month, I would be medevaced from Vietnam to 106th Gen Hosp located at Kishine Barracks. Denver Dowg;

Mike Stewart said...

Thanks so much for those comments and that hot story Denver Dowg! Sounds like we do have lots in common indeed. I can even relate to Kishine Barracks where I also stopped over on my way to Korea in 1958, but only as a lowly private, not a 2nd Lieutenant...damn it!

I went into Yokohama with my buddies and got my ashes hauled. Sex filled (and cheap at the time!) Yokohama was quite a cultural shock awakening for this shy young GI from California...even though I had been introduced to the wonderful world of pussy by an older woman on my paper route right after I went through puberty. I had a steady girlfriend in high school who put out too, at least until she dumped me for a jock...and yet Japan and Korea were new experiences sex wise and over 50 years later my ancient but still functioning 73 year old dong still snaps to attention and salutes (LOL) when I think of those lust filled days in the Far East!

Cheers my friend and thanks again!

cadltcret said...

Part 1 : Mike, Thanks for your answer, glad you the enjoyed my comments. In remembering long past sexual experiences, often it's something out of the ordinary that happens or the location that makes it truly memorable. In the mid '70s I discovered a cocktail lounge (bar) in the Cherry Creek area of Denver. It was located on the corner of 1st and Steel (sadly long torn down). The front door was on the corner of the building and it had a back door you could enter from the parking lot. If you entered thru the back door and turned right, you walked into the bar area. A left turn took you into a separate section that had six booths. Three on one side and three on the other side. The booths were horse shoe shaped. If you sat down you could slide around to the other side. The three booths were adjoining, the back rest was higher than your head and there was a frosted glass partition on top of the back rest. If you tried to look into the next booth the partition blocked your view. Blue velvet drapes were on each side of the booths and were tied back on each side. At each end of the room there was a short passage to the bar area. The lighting for the booth area consisted of two 40 watt blue bulbs, one at each end of the room. In the short hallway stood a juke box, it's light did add a little light to the booths. On the wall at the foot of the horse shoe for each booth, was a call button for the waitress. The call button was a door bell type that had a small light that lit the button. Lot of description just to say it was damn dark inside the booth. The only way to know if someone was sitting in the booth across for you was by the glow of their cigarette!! My first time in the Harem Lounge was with a group of friends and we sat in the back. I could barely make out the face of the person sitting across from me! I suddenly realize that this place had real potential for a rendezvous. The first lady I took to the Harem Lounge was May. We were both married at the time. This was our first private meeting, a drink to get acquainted to see if we had anything in common! After the drinks came we were soon necking and petting thru our clothes. She squeezed my cock and asked "how big is it?"!, "6 inches, want to see it?"! "Yes!" she said. I undid my pants and pulled the elastic band down and hooked it behind my balls. This pushed up my balls up tight against the base of my rock hard cock! She stroked a few times then literally dove down to engulf my dick completely in her mouth. Her lips were pressing hard against my pubes and balls. I only have 6" and I have never been deep throated that completely before. She started to give me a WCBJ!! (world class blow job). She definitely rated a 10, on my own personal Fellatio Scale of 0-10. I will save definition of the scale for a later comment. On each stoke down she took me all in. On the way up, her lips kept firm pressure on my cock. She kept a vacuum and her tongue ran circles around the head of my penis! She would pause and suck/lick my balls, then return to her WCBJ. Denver Dowg

cadltcret said...

Part 2 : I don't think I lasted more that 2 minutes. Like a true gentleman, I let her know I was going shoot and she stayed right with it, until I had given her 5 or 6 spurts! She kept my cock in her mouth, not moving her head but still swirling her tongue. After a few moments, I had caught my breath, enjoying the last waves of pleasure,when she pulled her head up and planted a big kiss on my mouth. She used one hand to hold my head still, pushed her tongue into my mouth and squished all of my cum into my mouth! I had to fight the urge to gag and then I calmly swallowed my own load and continued to french kiss her! Getting my first mouth full of my own cum, is differently one BJ I will never forget! May gave me another surprise the first time we got in bed for our first fuck. May was a slim woman, about 115 lbs, 5'6" and had a very toned body. When I saw her nude, I noticed her stomach was flat, with a hint of a six pack. I complimented her on her figure and she told me she belly danced for a hobby. Any way to the surprise, I was on top doing my best moves and trying to delay my climax, until she came. When she got close she tensed up and her face turn red. When she climaxed, she arched her back, moaned very loudly and at the very peak she ejected my cock from her pussy. I tried to slide it back in but the "door" was closed tight! She had tighten her muscles so tight that it forced my dick completely out! I didn't realize exactly what happened, but I found out later, when I went down on her the 1st time. She was on the bed with her butt at the edge with a pillow under her ass. I was kneeling, with my face buried in her crotch and her legs were over my shoulders. Women have always complimented me on my oral skills. In fact one gal told me I should put MCC after my signature! She explained it stood for Master Class Cunlinguist! I digress, I was doing my very best to get her off with the greatest amount of pleasure. My technique is to suck the clit in to my mouth and to form a seal around the clit and hood with my lips and then apply a light vacuum. With my tongue, I make vertical, horizontal and circles licks. I'll do a few seconds one way then change the pattern. After about 10 minutes, she started her climax, her back arched, she strained her muscles and pushed her hand between my face and her mound and violently rubbed her clit. I pulled my head back and just watched I saw something amazing that I had never seen before and never since!! Her vagina opened up and it looked like the head of a penis was trying to push out1 It was bright pink, round, with small hole in the center. The hole was opening and closing repeatedly!! I realized that this was her cervix! With each spasm of her climax, her stomach muscles clenched tighter and pushed her cervix forward. It never protruded out but was clearly visible. As she calmed down and her climax subsided, I got up and went into the bathroom. I returned with a hot washcloth and placed it over her crotch and firmly pressed down on the cloth for several minutes, while she laid there relishing the sensation. I'm a "full service" type of guy!!! Next comment I will define my fellatio scale and tell you about the other surprise I experienced in the Harem Lounge, It was very awkward and embarrassing!!

Denver Dowg

Anonymous said...

I feel ashamed for saying so but having just discoved it I love your freaking blog,